12 reasons why I won’t be giving Mark Rayner’s new novel to my mother-in-law for Christmas

The cover of a book I will not be giving to my mother-in-law.
Mark Rayner’s new novel, Marvellous Hairy, has gotten some great reviews, and some marvellously entertaining press. It’s been published just in time for the major gift-giving holidays. The paperback comes in an attractive compact format, and it also comes in an economical ebook version. You would think this would make it an excellent gift.

In spite of this, I will most definitely NOT be giving a copy of this book to my mother-in-law. Here are the main reasons why:

The 12 Main Reasons I won’t be giving Marvellous Hairy to my mother-in-law:

  1. The novel contains “adult” language.
  2. The book uses colorful descriptive language, and I mean beyond describing a room as having been painted “belligerently pink.”
  3. I’m talking about sentences like the following:

    He had long greasy black hair that clung to his head like an octopus humping his skull, and then fell onto his his shoulders in oily post-coital exhaustion.

  4. The book has sex in it.
  5. The book has sex and monkeys in it.
  6. My mother-in-law would be fairly scandalized by something that induced me to compose a sentence including both the words “sex” and “monkeys.”
  7. My mother-in-law has probably never spent any significant amount of time contemplating what it would be like to grow a tail.
  8. It is extremely unlikely that the phrase “Release the monkeys!” would make her giggle.
  9. She wouldn’t know what to make of a playful romp of a novel that is described as “part literary fun-ride, part fabulist satire, and part slapstick comedy.”
  10. Especially one that has been called “deeply, unsettlingly weird.”
  11. She certainly would not take well to the suggestion that she get in touch with her “inner monkey.”
  12. She would probably much prefer some lavender-scented hand soap.

Disclosure: Since I’m a big fan of The Skwib, Mark Rayner’s humor blog, I was all set to buy a copy of this book. (Though not for my mother-in-law.) It was already in my Amazon shopping cart and everything. But then Mark offered to send me a copy. (For FREE! Sucker!) How could I resist? (The monkeys made me do it.)

(Monkey images from wpclipart.)

15 thoughts on “12 reasons why I won’t be giving Mark Rayner’s new novel to my mother-in-law for Christmas

  1. I think I would probably prefer the lavendar soap myself; my daughter keeps trying to lure me into reading this type of humour, but after a couple of pages I tend to doze off. Mind you, a couple of pages of anything and I tend to doze off. I guess I need vitamins or something.

  2. I hope it is signed. LOL. I feel greasy for some reason after I went thru the list. I feel… hairy… I also feel the urge to check it out. Definitely not for MILs. I was going to say tis a lucky gal who could see giving this to her MIL. But on second thought, how open-minded, non-conventional, and wild do you really want your MIL to be? Mine made me gift her and later made me read “Christmas Sweater”… (BUT that’s before I know who Glenn Beck is…) Perhaps as a revenge… Nah. That would result in a divorce I am pretty sure…

  3. 5.The book has sex and monkeys in it.

    Damn, any book that has sex and monkeys in it is required reading for me. Off to Barnes and Noble now.

  4. Monkeys also enjoy throwing their own excrement. She probably wouldn’t like that very much. Perhaps, if she worked in a nightmare office environment like I do, she’d totally appreciate that fact. :-)

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