procrastinator’s horoscope for today…or tomorrow

The Procrastinator’s Horoscope, September 10, 2007:
For today or tomorrow. Or maybe some time later this week.

Aries (March 21-April 19): That deadline is fast approaching, so you’d best get cracking. That project absolutely needs to be done by Friday, and you have a lot of work left to do. Wait, Friday? That’s days away! I mean, practically a week. You can afford to spend a little bit of time online before you dig in. Surf’s up!

Taurus (April 20-May 20): It’s about time you wrote the email you’ve been putting off writing. It’s a sensitive matter, so make sure to choose your words carefully. Stare at your computer screen. Type “Dear Bob.” Wait, does “dear” sound to personal, or maybe too formal? Better delete that and start over. Type “Hey Bob!” No, that’s too informal. Delete that. Hey, look, you got an email! Your buddy sent you a link to a really funny YouTube video. Man, YouTube is cool. I wonder how many videos are up there that have “Bob” in their title?

Gemini (May 21-June 21): Before you get started on your day’s tasks, check on your blog, if you have one. How’s traffic on that last post? Any new comments? Any interesting search terms? How about now? Ok, that’s enough. Let’s get to work. But wait, any new comments now? What about now? Now? If you don’t have a blog, today would be a good day to start one. Maybe two.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): It’s time to pay bills again. Get yourself organized. You’ll need the checkbook, a pen, and some stamps. Oh, and the bills. Where are those bills? Oh, right. Under the pile of catalogs. Hey, what’s new at L.L. Bean, by the way? Didn’t you need to look for some gloves? Ooo, and look at that sweater on page 17.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): The day is already half gone, and you’ve barely even thought about the work you need to do. You must need some coffee. Go get some coffee right now. Go for a walk, even. You know, get that blood pumping. You can absolutely start working after you’ve had a quick walk and some coffee. And maybe a nap. Walks can zap the energy right out of you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your kitchen is a mess, and you have relatives coming over tomorrow. It’s time to scrub the floor, clear off the counters, clean out the furry things from the fridge, and tackle that huge pile of dishes. But have no fears, cleaning can be fun with the right tunes. Maybe you should put together a cool playlist on iTunes. You might need to add to your collection a bit to get just the right mix, too.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): It’s about time you got around to sorting through that pile of boxes in the basement or closet. Start by restacking the boxes neatly. Doesn’t stacking boxes remind you of Tetris? I bet you can find Tetris online these days.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): If you don’t do laundry today, you won’t have any clean socks to wear tomorrow. Gather up your dirty clothes, and sort through them. That’s a cool shirt. Didn’t you want to get another one like that in another color? You’d better go buy one now before they run out. You can buy socks for tomorrow, too, while you’re at it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Today is the day to start being more productive. Absolutely today. The first step is to make that decision. See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? The next step is to get yourself savvy about the ways of the uber-productive, by reading some books or websites or something. Write that down on a Post-it. Aren’t Post-its cool? Hey, remember how Romy and Michelle pretended to have invented Post-its? That was a funny movie. Put it on your Netflix queue. Wow, it’s been a while since you’ve updated that queue.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): With fall around the corner, now would be a good time to finally start that home repair project. Before you get going, make sure you have all the supplies you’ll need. You’d better check in some home reference books for details. Or maybe some magazines. Or wait, isn’t there a home improvement network on TV?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Spend at least an hour futzing around before you consider attempting anything. For good measure, you may also want to loaf, putter, amble and goof off. Time’s a wasting. That’s your motto. Or make that “Time’s for Wasting.”

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Just stay in bed today.

Brought to you by this week’s Monday Mission, which solicits posts written in the form of a horoscope.

18 thoughts on “procrastinator’s horoscope for today…or tomorrow

  1. I’m a Gemini, and I’m with Sage. That’s the most spot on horoscope I ever read (except for one in high school that said I would have to help a friend through a hard time, and then my best friend’s parents announced they were divorcing. Of course, in high school one of your friends is ALWAYS going through a hard time of some sort) Thanks for playing along!

  2. Really nice!
    Although… I’m a Cancer and I really don’t recognize myself here. But I do recognize myself in Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Aquarius, and Pisces. Maybe it comes from being born at 11pm…

  3. Emily-
    Yes, I am an expert in procrastination. I practice it almost every day, and am working towards the title of Master Procrastinator.

    You = cool. I’m glad I got yours right. Or sorry. One or the other.

    Hey, I’m a Gemini, too. Can you guess which entry best reflects my current “use” of time?

    Perhaps I’ve been spying on you (spooky music switches to creepy music). Or perhaps I just got lucky.


    Ah, perhaps I got Cancer mixed up with some other sign, then. It could happen. My astrological methods may be somewhat…suspect.

  4. I’m Cancer/Leo cusp–you have me in Leo. And yep, coffee and exercise sounds about right. I try to be good and exercise. But then I get tired and have to take a nap.

    And inevitably while sorting through papers, I find that catalog that I absolutely must look at right then.

    And I might put off my Monday Mission post until Friday (again).

  5. these are the best horoscope i’ve ever read, and my procrastination suggestability is so great that my first impulse was to start making that itunes playlist! but i don’t think of it as procrastination, i like to think of it as skilled in the art of being idle.

  6. This is just excellent — and yeah, I’m an Aries and you nailed me. Funny lady! I’m going to start a procrastinator’s club … any day now.

  7. jeanerz-
    It’s good to know I got it right for either sign, then. (I got the dates from an LA Times horoscope I found online, so I suppose they’re the ones who plunked you in Leo.) And get to that post, why don’t you! After the nap, of course.

    Yes, get to it then. I hope you get some fun emails to distract you.

    Thanks, and thanks for stopping by. “Skilled in the art of being idle.” Very nice. Is that on your CV?

    Aha! I got another one right, did I?

    I’ll be sure to join you in the club, when you get around to it. (And I thought you were an Agitarius, not an Aries. I liked your post, too.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s