Shiver me timbers! Give me a job! Arrrr.

Dirty John Rackham
jrackham@arrrrr.com

OBJECTIVE

To contribute to your organization’s success through the use of exceptional customer service, managerial, and plundering skills. Or to find a position as a nanny. Arrrr.

QUALIFICATIONS

• Hard-working, tough-skinned swash-buckling individual with questionable personal hygiene
• Exceptional versatility, adaptability and swaggering
• Solid managerial, administrative and looting experience
• Ability to manage multiple tasks in a pressured environment.

PROFESSIONAL SKILLS
Interpersonal and Managerial skills

• Interacted with and kidnapped a wide variety of personalities while pillaging, plundering, and wreaking havoc.
• Delivered excellent customer service and conducted in-house plundering promotions
• Proved multi-tasking abilities by scheduling and supervising crew of scurvy dogs, bilge rats and lily livered scalliwags
• Served as right hand to notorious Bloody Captain Roberts (whose original right hand was lost to gangrene)

Administrative skills

• Completed, submitted and burned edges of invoices and maps for buried treasure.
• Fondled large sums of loot and booty.
• Maintained rum inventory control.
• Looted petty cash, payroll, inventory, accounts receivable and payable.
• Said “Arrrrr!” a lot. (Mayhaps that be an interpersonal skill.)

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

• Sailin’ the seas since I were a young lad and had all me teeth.

EDUCATION

• I learnt things th’ hard way. I got th’ scars t’ prove it, ye landlubber. Arrrr.

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This post can be blamed on a confluence of unrelated events: the Monday Mission, which asks this week for a post in the form of a resume, and the approach of Talk Like a Pirate Day (which is coming up on Wednesday, September 19.) This resume is very loosely based on a sample resume. Actually, quite a lot of lines from the resume worked pretty well from that verbatim. Arrrr.