the pants of our discontent

Summer is here, at least for those of us up on this side of the equator. Summer signals a range of things. Picnics and barbecues. Trips to the beach and dips in the pool. Berry picking. Hotter temperatures. Longer days. Shorter pants.

And in some places, as Mad reminds, Shakespeare festivals.

While the bard himself may have covered his esteemed rear end with garments cut of another fashion, he no doubt would have come to love pants had he lived in our day and age. We can only imagine the great things that Shakespeare might have written had he lived in an age of pants.¹

Without further ado, and with all due respect, I offer to you a glimpse of some pants that might have been.²

Shakespeare’s Pants

  • How poor are they that have not pants!
    Iago, Othello (II, iii, 376-379)
  • We are such stuff as pants are made on
    Prospero, The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158
  • Frailty, thy name is pants!
    Hamlet, Hamlet Act 1, scene 2, 142–146
  • The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
    But in our pants, that we are underlings.

    Cassius, Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)
  • Love looks not with the eyes but with the pants.
    Helena, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (I, i, 234)
  • Out, damn’d pants! out, I say!
    Lady Macbeth, Macbeth Act 5, scene 1, 26–40
  • A plague a’ both your pants!
    Mercutio, Romeo And Juliet Act 3, scene 1, 90–92
  • A soothsayer bids you beware the pants of March.
    Brutus, Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 15–19
  • Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with pants.
    Hero, Much Ado About Nothing (III, i, 106)
  • Be not afraid of pants
    Malvolio, Twelfth Night (II, v, 156-159)
  • And thus I clothe my naked villany
    With odd old pants stol’n out of holy writ

    Richard, King Richard III (I, iii, 336-338)
  • Give me my pants, put on my crown
    Cleopatra, Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282-283)
  • My pants fly up, my thoughts remain below.
    King, Hamlet (III, iii, 100-103)
  • Something is rotten in the pants of Denmark.
    Marcellus, Hamlet Act 1, scene 4, 87–91
  • There are more pants in heaven and earth, Horatio,
    Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

    Hamlet, Hamlet Act 1, scene 5, 159–167
  • Quotes, or at least the pants-less versions of them, harvested from this site.

    ¹ And had he been an utter loon.

    ² It’s been a long time since I’ve shared my pants with you. Truth is, I’ve been sitting on these pants for many months.

    I’m dreaming of a pants Christmas

    Yesterday, I was most pleased to be able to share with you all a bit of holiday cheer in the form of a Christmas pants song. Which leads me to think there could be far more holiday pants songs. On top of that, this week’s Monday Mission asks for posts in the form of Christmas lists. And I thought to myself, “I should make a list.” So, here I offer you a very Merry Christmas Pants Playlist. Pull up your festive pants and enjoy!

    Pants Holiday Playlist

    1. Deck the Pants
    2. Pants We Have Heard On High
    3. God Pants Ye Merry, Gentlemen
    4. Hark the Herald Angels’ Pants
    5. O Little Pants of Bethlehem
    6. I Heard The Pants On Christmas Day
    7. Jingle Pants
    8. The Little Drummer Pants
    9. O Pants, All Ye Faithful
    10. Silent Pants
    11. O Holy Pants
    12. The Twelve Pants Of Christmas
    13. Pants to the World
    14. Pants Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
    15. Ding Dong Merrily on Pants

    You want the pants? You can’t handle the pants.

    Well, maybe you can handle the pants. In fact, I’ve promised pants. And I’ve given pants. And I think that you deserve more pants.

    In the great tradition of the pants game, I offer to you the following great movie pants movie moments:

    • “Go ahead, make my pants.” — Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood), Sudden Impact (1983)
    • “You can’t handle the pants!” — Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), A Few Good Men (1992)
    • “May the Pants be with you.” — Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Star Wars (1977)
    • “Fasten your pants. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” — Margo Channing (Bette Davis), All About Eve (1950)
    • “The stuff that pants are made of.” — Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart), The Maltese Falcon (1941)
    • “Show me the pants!” — Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise), Jerry Maguire (1996)
    • “I have always depended on the pants of strangers.” — Blanche Dubois (Vivien Leigh), A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
    • “Round up the usual pants.” — Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca (1942)
    • “Pants? We ain’t got no pants! We don’t need no pants! I don’t have to show you any stinking pants!” — “Gold Hat” (Alfonso Bedoya), The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
    • “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the pants.” — Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis), Now, Voyager (1942)
    • “Keep your friends close, but your pants closer.” — Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), The Godfather: Part II (1974)
    • “Get your stinking pants off me, you damned dirty ape.” — George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes (1968)
    • “We’ll always have pants.” — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca (1942)