You want the pants? You can’t handle the pants.

Well, maybe you can handle the pants. In fact, I’ve promised pants. And I’ve given pants. And I think that you deserve more pants.

In the great tradition of the pants game, I offer to you the following great movie pants movie moments:

  • “Go ahead, make my pants.” — Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood), Sudden Impact (1983)
  • “You can’t handle the pants!” — Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “May the Pants be with you.” — Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Star Wars (1977)
  • “Fasten your pants. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” — Margo Channing (Bette Davis), All About Eve (1950)
  • “The stuff that pants are made of.” — Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart), The Maltese Falcon (1941)
  • “Show me the pants!” — Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise), Jerry Maguire (1996)
  • “I have always depended on the pants of strangers.” — Blanche Dubois (Vivien Leigh), A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
  • “Round up the usual pants.” — Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca (1942)
  • “Pants? We ain’t got no pants! We don’t need no pants! I don’t have to show you any stinking pants!” — “Gold Hat” (Alfonso Bedoya), The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
  • “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the pants.” — Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis), Now, Voyager (1942)
  • “Keep your friends close, but your pants closer.” — Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), The Godfather: Part II (1974)
  • “Get your stinking pants off me, you damned dirty ape.” — George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes (1968)
  • “We’ll always have pants.” — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca (1942)

11 thoughts on “You want the pants? You can’t handle the pants.

  1. Sigh.

    I just wrote a ridiculous (and ridiculously long comment) about Bette Davis and pants (though she likely would have called them slacks, no?). Anyway, it wasn’t good enough to try to recreate it, but suffice it to say that I questioned whether she liked pants as much as you do. And carried them quite as well. Sigh. Sorry.

  2. What are these newfangled items you call “pants”? Is this one of those new things that Steve Jobs invented when he was sleeping so now everyone cool has to have them? Frankly, I’m resisting this trend.

  3. Howdy, Alejna. You know, your blog has opened up whole new worlds of pants to me. I had never given the appropriate amount of thought to pants before. I will try to make up for it by thinking of them often.

    I will try to excercise my new pants skills by thinking of, for example, more Star Wars lines, such as:

    “That’s not pants–that’s a space station!”


    “These are not the pants you’re looking for.”

    May the pants be with you.

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