real estate ads get personal

Looking to find that special someone? It turns out that so is the house next door.

Coming soon to a classified ad section near you: the personals meet the real estate listings.

Easy living: fully furnished apartment looking for someone to get their hands in my drawers, unpack my chest, and jump right into my bed.

Open living space: Contemporary 3-bedroom home looking for a ménage-à-trois.

Airy A-Frame: Ideal for someone who likes to play around down below, without being bothered that there’s not much going on upstairs.

Cozy space: Cramped studio with no kitchen looking for individual with few belongings who enjoys long walks on the beach and eating out.

Eclectic bungalow: Colorful and heavily accessorized home looking for someone to seek hidden treasures. The carpet doesn’t match the drapes, but may be willing to strip down to genuine hardwood floor.

Cheap rent: Flat looking for relationship with a tolerant and supportive individual willing to overlook minor structural damage, occasional leaky faucets, and baggage left over from previous occupants.

Modest cottage: Frigid home seeks like-minded individual who is willing to bundle up in lots of clothing and keep your hands off my thermostat.

Penthouse Wannabe: Upper story apartment with mind in the basement desires occupants willing to make up some good stories.

Scenic views: fishbowl-style street-level apartment with large windows and no blinds seeks exhibitionist looking to entertain neighbors.

Well built: Attractive home with impressive plumbing looking for like residents who enjoy lots of hot and steamy showers.

Closet lovers dream: Cosmopolitan metropolitan loft apartment with comfortable walk-in closets looking to be shared by a pair of “roommates.” Spacious living area is ideal for a party for when you are ready come out of the closet.

Vacation rental: Seeking short-term fun with no risk of commitment.


This post was inspired by this week’s Monday Mission, which sought a meaningful relationship with posts “in the style of a sales pitch for your house, from the point of view of your house.” My house didn’t have a lot to say, it turns out. But it would appear that a few other homes did.

17 thoughts on “real estate ads get personal

  1. You clever, clever person. Score! I am laughing and will continue to do so on and off all morning as I recall bits of this.
    Compared to you, I am a birdbrain.

  2. Hilarious! I always wondered who the people were that were clever enough to come up with that kind of stuff. I foresee a viral email forward from this post.

    And also, your automatically generated posts were unintentionally funny.

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