Summer is here, at least for those of us up on this side of the equator. Summer signals a range of things. Picnics and barbecues. Trips to the beach and dips in the pool. Berry picking. Hotter temperatures. Longer days. Shorter pants.

And in some places, as Mad reminds, Shakespeare festivals.

While the bard himself may have covered his esteemed rear end with garments cut of another fashion, he no doubt would have come to love pants had he lived in our day and age. We can only imagine the great things that Shakespeare might have written had he lived in an age of pants.¹

Without further ado, and with all due respect, I offer to you a glimpse of some pants that might have been.²

Shakespeare’s Pants

How poor are they that have not pants!
Iago, Othello (II, iii, 376-379)

We are such stuff as pants are made on
Prospero, The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158

Frailty, thy name is pants!
Hamlet, Hamlet Act 1, scene 2, 142–146

The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in our pants, that we are underlings.
Cassius, Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)

Love looks not with the eyes but with the pants.
Helena, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (I, i, 234)

Out, damn’d pants! out, I say!
Lady Macbeth, Macbeth Act 5, scene 1, 26–40

A plague a’ both your pants!
Mercutio, Romeo And Juliet Act 3, scene 1, 90–92

A soothsayer bids you beware the pants of March.
Brutus, Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 15–19

Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with pants.
Hero, Much Ado About Nothing (III, i, 106)

Be not afraid of pants
Malvolio, Twelfth Night (II, v, 156-159)

And thus I clothe my naked villany
With odd old pants stol’n out of holy writ
Richard, King Richard III (I, iii, 336-338)

Give me my pants, put on my crown
Cleopatra, Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282-283)

My pants fly up, my thoughts remain below.
King, Hamlet (III, iii, 100-103)

Something is rotten in the pants of Denmark.
Marcellus, Hamlet Act 1, scene 4, 87–91

There are more pants in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Hamlet, Hamlet Act 1, scene 5, 159–167

Quotes, or at least the pants-less versions of them, harvested from this site.

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¹ And had he been an utter loon.

² It’s been a long time since I’ve shared my pants with you. Truth is, I’ve been sitting on these pants for many months.