As I have quickly risen to the highest echelons of the pants-writing set, it is my responsibility to divulge breakthroughs in my ongoing pants research whenever possible. So I would be remiss if I did not share with you (with her permission) the following excerpt from an email sent by my lovely friend Elizabeth, without whom I could not have reached these great pants heights. (You see, it is Elizabeth who first introduced me to the inherent funniness of the word pants.)
Oh, and this morning I was innocently washing my hair when I noticed that my shampoo bottle had a trivia question on it: Who do people say they talk to the most? And then it said the answer was on the conditioner bottle. I grabbed the conditioner bottle and the answer was….PANTS. I kid you not. As it turns out, I bought the green shampoo and the purple conditioner and even though they’re the same brand, they’re not the same type, so they have different questions and answers. So I’ve spent most of this morning trying to figure out what the answer to the question is (I would guess spouse/partner, Evan thinks it’s themselves) and what the question could possibly be that’s answered by the word pants. It’s all I can do not to drive to CVS and check out the green conditioner and purple shampoo. I think it’s cruel that hair product manufacturers would do this. I mean, don’t most people take showers in the morning, when they’re not at their sharpest mentally?
Anyway, thought you’d appreciate the random appearance of pants in my life.
–Elizabeth
In the interests of pants research, I aks for your help. Please consider some possible questions which might be answered with “pants”, and share them with the greater pants community.
May the pants be with you.
collecting tokens 
Okay, I’ll get the ball rolling.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Pants.
(I didn’t say we needed to have good questions…)
Or how about:
Q: What’s the best way to cover your ass?
A: Pants.
Do you want to know the real question? Because I caved and looked online…
Q: What was considered a dirty word in 18th (maybe 19th?) century England?
A: Pants
And Evan was right, the person most people talk to most often is themselves. That surprises me, but maybe because I don’t think I talk to myself very often. Maybe I’m just not very good company.
–E
Elizabeth-
Thanks for sharing the real question, and sparing us the agony of eternal wondering. However, I have to say that I am disappointed in their question, which I’d say is a pretty dumb question. For one thing, I would expect there to be many words considered dirty in England at that time. So I still think we can do better. (For example, what were some off the ones you came up with?)
As far as the question of who people talk to most often, how did they collect the data, I wonder? I’d like to see some supporting evidence. I’m appalled by the quality of shampoo-bottle trivia research being conducted today.
Why did the banjo player go back inside the house?
answer: PANTS!
I also agree that the answer on the shampoo bottle is dumb.
What is the difference between an orange?
Q: What did Peter Piper pick a pickled peck of?
A: PANTS
Q: Why?
A: PANTS
Yes! The pants questions are rolling!
Q: What makes a great anytime snack?
A: Pants
Q: What is the meaning of life?
A: PANTS