The Pants Institute is pleased as pants to present: The Classic Pants TV Lineup!¹
From the conservative black & white pinstriped pants of the 50s to the colorful polyster prints of the 60s and 70s bellbottoms and on through the high-waisted peg-legs of the 80s, this look back at the golden era of Pants TV will bring a smile to your pants.
- I Love Pants: This classic show from the 1950s features a young married woman’s antics, which frequently involve trying to sneak around in her husband’s pants.
- Growing Pants: A family learn that as the kids get older, they must wear larger sizes of pants, or be increasingly uncomfortable.
- All in the Pants: A 70s show about the life and family of a middle-aged middle-class white man who struggles to adjust to changing societal norms for who wears the pants in the family.
- I Dream of Pants: An astronaut happens across a pair of magic harem pants that can fulfill his wishes, but only if he wears them in secret.
- Three’s Pants: In this madcap 70s comedy, 3 single young adults sharing an apartment are always getting their pants mixed up in the laundry.
- The Pants Boat: Each weak, different styles of pants are paraded on the decks of the Pantsific Princess, a cruise ship that promises to pair up pairs of pants.
- Pantasy Island: Each week visitors arrive on a tropical island to act out their wildest fantasies of wearing different pants.
- Diff’rent Pants: 2 young boys from Harlem must trade in their worn-out jeans for new fancy pants when adopted by a man with millions of pants.
- The Facts of Pants: A group of teenage girls in a boarding school learn about love, life and pants.
- The Golden Pants: 4 older women live together in the 80s and wear 4 distinct styles of pants.
- The Pants Bunch: When 2 families merge their wardrobes, how will they ever fit all their 70s polyester pants into one dresser?
- Welcome Back, Pants: A high school teacher and his students teach each other lessons about changing pants fashions and returning classic pants styles.
This post is for Mary, who requested a pants post when I asked for suggestions on things to post about. This post is also dedicated to my dear friend Elizabeth, who first introduced me to the comedic power of pants, and who should have been wearing her birthday pants today. I still miss her every day.
Can’t get enough pants? Try these on for size:
¹ I had just about finished this post when I had a nagging memory that my blogging buddy Painted Maypole had years ago done a pants-TV-themed post, as part of a challenge to write a post in the style of another blogger. (She chose me!) Happily, there is only a wee bit of overlapping in the pants shows. And these are rerun pants, anyhow…
With the excitement building for the new episodes of Dr. Who to start¹, there has been a lot of who-buzz. But Dr. Who is not the only Who who is out there. I offer you this list of whos: a sort of Who’s Who of Whos.
Who’s got more whos?
¹Season 7, part 2 starts this Sunday, March 30th
² Prescriptive grammarians will say that who is only to be used in cases where the pronoun/interrogative is in the subject, or nominal, position, and that whom is what you must use in object positions. However, contemporary usage allows for use of who in object positions.
³ I’ve never enjoyed this game.
⁴ I care.
Whose whos are whose? (image credits):Horton Hears a Who!, Whoville from the 1966 animated movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas (based on the book), Who Dat, The Guess Who Greatest Hits album cover, The Who logo, Jackie Chan’s Who Am I?, Who’s On First? screenshot from youtube clip from The Naughty Nineties,Tardis, World Health Organization logo, and Introspective Pug.
Here is a list of a thousand things:
I know, I know. This list is not 1000 things long. But they are thousand things. Because this is my one thousandth post on this blog. (Also, the word “thousandth” is really hard to say.)
image credits: millefiori bead from Fire Mountain Gems, mille-feuille by okki, paper cranes by James..g, the M in stone photo is my own, taken in Barcelona. The thousand dollar bill is not mine, nor did I take it.
With Chinese New Year on the way this Sunday, we have almost run out of the year of the dragon. I started putting this list together as the Year of the Dragon entered, but now am barely managing to post it before the Dragon departs.
Dragons are creatures that have appeared in the mythologies of many cultures in Europe and Asia, and they are featured in many a song and story, among other things. Here are a dozen arbitrarily chosen dragon things to usher out the Year of the Dragon:
- Custard the Dragon: A poem by Ogden Nash from 1936
Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio, daggers on his toes.
- Puff, the Magic Dragon: A song by Peter, Paul & Mary that was inspired by Custard. (The dragon, that is. Not the dessert. But you never know. Sometimes if I eat dessert right before going to bed I get really weird dreams.)
- Dragonfire: A song written by Sandra Boynton in/on the book/album Dogtrain [mp3 sample]
- St George and the Dragon: a European legend of a man who slays a dragon.
- Smaug: the treasure-hoarding dragon from J. R. R. Tolkiens classic novel, The Hobbit.
- dragonfly: an insect that is neither a dragon nor a fly. Dragonflies are of the order odonata.
- dragonfruit: a thing that is neither dragon nor fruit. No, wait. It *is* a fruit. But I’m mostly sure it’s not a dragon.
- dragon dance: a Chinese tradition involving a large costume of a dragon, which is operated by multiple people. The dragon dance is often part of Chinese New Year celebrations.
- Dragon Ball: While it sounds like it could be a formal-dress version of a dragon dance, it’s actually a media franchise including manga, anime, and video games. But they do feature dragons who can grant wishes.
- Dungeons & Dragons: Sometimes known as D & D. A role-playing game, or universe of games. To be honest, I have no idea what role dragons play in any of it.
- Enter the Dragon (1973): Bruce Lee’s legendary martial arts movie. Bruce Lee does not actually enter a dragon in this movie. But he does enter a sort of dungeon, come to think of it.
- Here be dragons: A phrase associated with unexplored territories on old maps. Possibly this is based on only one such map, The Hunt-Lenox Globe. According to its wiki page,
It is notable as the only instance on a historical map of the actual phrase HC SVNT DRACONES (in Latin hic sunt dracones means “here be dragons“.)
There are loads more great books, movies, legends, and things with dragons. I could easily add another few dozen dragons to the list, but we’d be well into the year of the snake by that time. Instead, I’ll wrap up and get to bed. But please feel free to add more dragons in the comments!
This edition of National Pants Radio is dedicated to those who seriously love pants: a playlist of classic pants songs to fit all body types.
- All You Need Is Pants – The Beatles
However, shirts and shoes are also required for service in most establishments.
- Pants Me Two Times – The Doors
Pants me once, shame on you. Pants me twice, shame on me.
- Pants Will Keep Us Together – Captain and Tennille
Especially if they are stitched well.
- Pants Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
At the seams.
- Can’t Buy Me Pants – Beatles
I’m not buying that. Money can buy many things. Even pants.
- Making Pants Out of Nothing at All – Air Supply
Would these be invisible pants?
- Do You Believe In Pants? – Huey Lewis & the News
Yup. Except maybe the invisible ones.
- You Give Pants a Bad Name – Bon Jovi
That style is really unflattering.
- You’ve Got to Hide Your Pants Away – The Beatles
Just toss them in the hamper.
- Tainted Pants – Soft Cell
I don’t even want to know what those stains are.
- Where Did Our Pants Go – The Supremes
Did you check the dryer?
- A Man Without Pants – Engelbert Humperdinck
Is he, by any chance, wearing a trenchcoat?
- Need Your Pants So Bad – Fleetwood Mac
Um, I’m using them right now. Can’t you get your own?
- They’ll Never Take Her Pants From Me – Elvis Costello
That’s just creepy.
- Addicted To Pants – Robert Palmer
You and me both, Robert. Better than heroin, though. Or leggings.
- The Power of Pants – Huey Lewis and The News
Sustainable. Renewable. Fashionable.
- Saving All My Pants For You – Whitney Houston
Um, thanks. I’ll be sure to make space in my closet.
Today marks the 6th anniversary of this blog and a special day for me to reflect on the meaning of pants.