I don’t mean that I was sad to have missed putting up a post yesterday. I mean that even though I posted something every day in November, it really didn’t feel like blogging to me.
While I managed to carve out a few minutes to post something (and to take a few photos for Project 365), I was spending about every available hour working on projects and commitments for work and school for the last month. While I gave up on tracking the time it took me to post, with the exception of a handful of posts, I did really limit myself, and probably didn’t spend too much more than my goal of 10 hours for the month. The trouble is, I didn’t find time to reply to comments, or properly visit other people’s blogs. I ended up with a couple hundred unread posts in my reader, and I skimmed many of the posts I did read. I think I left 5 or 6 comments all month. I missed things going on in other people’s lives.
I’m not sorry I did NaBloPoMo again this year, as I know it would have irked me to have missed it, but it was hardly a satisfying experience. I didn’t get to all the drafts I’d wanted to revisit, didn’t find time to do write some of the things that have been rattling around in my head. I didn’t even manage to share much of my digital photo hoard.
I would have to describe the results as spectacularly lackluster.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who still came by to read, and even leave comments. I really, truly appreciated it. You are wonderful.
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In other news, I didn’t make that December 1st deadline. I came to my senses on Friday, in the midst of that exhausting visit to my in-laws’. I realized that there was too much to do in the few days I had left, that I didn’t have the energy left to push myself even harder in the following days, and most importantly, I realized that there were some kinks I needed to work out in my study. It was disappointing, as I really felt that given another week or two, I could have had my project at a point where I could submit a solid abstract. But another week or two I didn’t have. And yes, I also thought about all the “what ifs.” What if I hadn’t gotten sick? What if Theo hadn’t gotten sick earlier in the month? What if I hadn’t spent time with friends who were in town for the conference? What if I hadn’t spent all those hours making Halloween costumes? Well, maybe I could have had enough time. But I’m not sorry to have spent time with friends, especially since I see some of them so rarely. The costumes? Well, who’s to say I would have invested that time in my project. And it’s highly doubtful that those hours would have been enough. There were other work deadlines, too, and other obligations.
I am really glad that I did push hard to work towards that deadline, though. I made real strides in my own research, which had been largely stagnating since that conference in Barcelona last year. Hmmm…my mixture of metaphors makes it sound as if I just walked through a puddle. The puddle of research has definitely been splashed in. I jumped up and down in it, and got myself soggy.
I’ve been taking a few days to dry off, and stand back from the puddle. I got caught up on a few things I’d left hanging while I was playing in the puddle, and I’ve started some holiday shopping.
I just need to make sure I jump back into the puddle soon. There are other conferences coming up, and I’m really optimistic that I can have something more substantial together for those deadlines.
A puddle.
collecting tokens 
I know just what you mean. There are times when I can find the time to write a little, but not really read other people’s blogs and I miss that part of it.
When an exam or assignment goes badly for me, I always look back over what I could have changed…should I have studied more? Should we have not let BubTar have a friend spend the night while I was studying? Should we have stayed home instead of having dinner with my parents? And so on. I’ve learned that most of the time the answer to those things is no. I do studied sufficiently and if I took away what little recharging time I had to do more studying, I’d burn out and retain even less. Balance is important, even if we don’t always reach our goals the first time around.
That’s the hard part about November. Everyone else is posting more than usual at the exact time you’re posting more than usual. A couple of days ago I took a look at the hundreds of posts in my blog reader, did a deep sigh, and then clicked the “mark all as read” link. Sometimes a fresh start is what you need.
Make sure to don your wellies before jumping back in the puddle!
I’m trying to think which was more helpful to me when I was at that point not so long ago…? The “hang in there, you’ll get through it” stared to feel annoying, and those who were already done saying “just do it” began to feel like they were rubbing my face in it (even though they weren’t really).
So how’s this: I support you through the ups and downs of the hazing process known as doctoral programs! And I promise to always have babysitting, alcohol, and good food anytime you visit (aren’t there conferences in New Orleans?)
Actually, given the harrowing and sleepless trip, I am surprised you made it through that holiday weekend at all. Making the deadline was clearly unreasonable after that, and I’m glad that you didn’t try to force it. There will be other conferences!
And, given all the other stuff that was going on, it’s impressive that you managed to post something on your blog each day of November, even if some of them were just photos and even if there wasn’t time for commenting etc. Maybe next year you’ll have more time for it. Regardless, I know that many of us enjoyed reading your blog, and I for one wasn’t at all offended by your not responding to the comments. We all know what it’s like to be overextended, busy, overwhelmed, exhausted, and overcommitted. (did I overlook anything?)
Good luck!
I kind of know what you mean… I knew when I started this NaBloPoMo thing that it’s going to be a “selfish” act since it would mean NO time to read and comment if I were to post every single day. Besides, if everybody else was posting evey single day, there was no way I could keep up.
Sometimes I am a bit tired of the whole blogging thing becoming quid-pro-quo: I will only read/comment on yours IF you do the same in return. That creates a lot of stress that I was NOT looking for when I first started. I meant for my blogging to be a THERAPY so how come I am even more stressed and paranoid now? LOL.