still here (for the moment, anyhow)

I seem to be slow to post. I have a couple of drafts in progress to wrap up my Brazil trip, but I got hung up on selecting and editing the photos. Also, I continue to be very busy and tired.

It turns out that John, Phoebe and I will be heading to Texas for the weekend for some family-related business. Our flight is at 6 tomorrow morning. Meaning we have to leave home at something like 4 in the morning. Meaning I should get packing and get a few hours of sleep.

I spent most of the day doing laundry. It always amazes me how much time it can take. (And how much clothing we have. And how quickly things get dirty with a toddler.)

I also spent some time looking for a bathing suit for me for the trip to Texas. It will apparently be in the 90s, with lows in the mid-70s. I’m not really a swimming pool person, but we might take the opportunity to introduce Phoebe to water that is not in a glass or a bathtub. So I thought it would be good for me to have a bathing suit, too. I tried Target, figuring I could find something cheap. You see, I’ve got this darned belly, and I didn’t want to spend a bundle on something I’d barely use. But it turns out that not only were the maternity swimsuits butt-ugly, they were still expensive. So I checked out the sale racks for the non-rotund, figuring I could go up a size or 2, or get a 2 piece. However, can I just say that stretchy as they are, one-piece swimsuits are typically not designed to fit a basketball at the waistline? The 8-dollar loud-patterned ones I tried looked frightening. Frightening and/or humorous. And the 2-piece options didn’t make me too happy either. So I bought no new bathing suit. I’ll figure something out.

In other news, Spring has seriously sprung in our neighborhood, at long last. Phoebe and I celebrated by going on a walk up the road to see the cows. Phoebe made a friend.

I’m back home now, by the way

I got home Monday. My flight arrived in Boston a bit before 11:00 am, and John and Phoebe met me at the airport. The return journey was a bit quicker than the way down, clocking in at about 18 hours. I had a 3 hour layover in New York. I managed to get maybe 3 hours of sleep on the flights.

I’ve been a bit out of it the last few days. I’m tired, for some odd reason. I have some posts and photos to share from my trip, but I keep running out of steam. Maybe tomorrow (she thinks for third day in a row…)

Phoebe and John did really well (without me!) last week, but I think that Phoebe is reacting to my trip a bit now that I’m home. She went to bed just fine on Monday, but last night and tonight were a challenge, eating up a lot of time and energy.

Tomorrow I head into Boston for work meetings again. Now that the conferences are behind me, I’m hoping to crank forward with my own research. I have some goals of stuff to accomplish before…um…late summer, when I’m expecting …um… some additional delays to my academic progress.

I’ve been trying to catch up on reading the various 100s of posts in my feed reader, but have managed to leave only one comment. I’ll try to drop in and say “hi” soon. You know, maybe tomorrow.

And here, to add a bit of color to this otherwise dull post, I’ll share a picture of São Paulo. This is a view from behind the MASP:

Brasil, dias 3 e 4: on with the conference

Here I am again, on my 4th day in Brazil.

Yesterday was spent primarily eating and attending talks. And then eating and having the poster presentation. (It was fine, but the space was too crowded for my comfort.) Then eating and attending more talks. Here’s a look at what the schedule has been like:

    7:00-7:45 eating (breakfast)
    8:30-11:00 talks
    11:00-11:30 eating (coffee break)
    11:30-1:10 talks
    1:10-2:30 eating (lunch)
    2:30-4 posters
    4-4:30 eating (coffee break)
    4:30-6:10 talks

As you can see, there are some opportunities to eat. And I have been doing my duty. Tonight there is the banquet, which will take place at an old coffee farm. So we can add the following to the schedule:

    7:00-?? eating

Last night, I was determined to see more of Campinas than 3 corners of this large traffic circle (hotel, conference motel, and mall), so I went with some folks to dinner downtown. My goal was accomplished, though I still didn’t see much, and it was too dark for pictures. Also, the food was pretty mediocre and overpriced. (It was a Japanese restaurant that the cab driver knew, and I think he was getting a kickback.) But I had fun with the people I went with.

Internet access has been a bit sporadic. At the hotel, we have to pay for wireless. At the conference, there is internet access via ethernet cables, but you largely have to miss talks to get a chance to use one of the connections. I’ve decided to skip the last session of talks for the day to put my feet up and sit here like a lump. (My ankles are are swollen up like sausages.)¹

Oh, and I do have reservations for a hotel in São Paulo tomorrow night. I’ll be taking the bus along with a student from São Paulo, which is great.

I have a couple of pictures, have even gotten them onto my computer by various means, but can’t seem to get them up on WordPress. I will post them when I can. However, I can almost guarantee that you will be underwhelmed.

——-
¹Also my brain is full. Actually, I’m just generally full. Why in French, you could even say I’m pleine

² Now the question is, am I really just full of it?³

³ Please don’t answer that question.

Brasil, dia 2: getting my conference on

Hi, again. I’m back online for a few minutes at the conference, where I don’t have to pay through the nose. However, there will shortly be a line for the ethernet cables, so I should be quick. Here’s what I wrote last night:

It’s the end of the first day of the conference, and I’m back at the hotel. It’s been a good day so far, though I have seen nothing but this hotel, the conference venue hotel, and the complicated twists of streets, on-ramps and rotaries that connect the two. But I have eaten a lot of food.

Breakfast at the hotel is pretty good, and much more elaborate than the more typical coffee and roll that I remember. (But the coffee is not as good as I remember…) There’s a full buffet with various stations: cold cuts and cheeses (including Romeo and Juliet), fresh fruit (small papayas and pineapple seem to be in season), breads and pastries (including more pão de queijo and a gooey chocolate cake) as well as scambled eggs and various breakfast meats.

They are feeding us lots at the conference, too. There are two coffee breaks, featuring different baked goods and also fresh squeezed juices. Morning juices were either orange or watermelon, afternoon had orange or pineapple. There was also a big lunch buffet. The more interesting things (to me) were okra salad and palm hearts. The hot food was very salty, and shockingly, had a vegetarian entree (gnocchi in cream sauce).

Also, did you realize that I was not just down here for the food? There were actually some talks and posters going on today. Plus I’ve gotten to see a bunch of people I don’t see often, and I’ve met some cool people, too. Including some Brazilians. I even have plans to meet up on Saturday with a woman who lives in São Paulo. (I’m hoping to get her help making a hotel reservation, which I still don’t have…)

I still have no pictures to share, due to some technical difficulties. I’ll hopefully solve these tomorrow.

Now I need to get to sleep, as we need to get up early tomorrow. You know, for the breakfast. Oh, right. And the conference. Our poster is tomorrow, and all.

dia 1: chegada no Brasil

So, here I am. Safe and sound in the hotel in Campinas. It took me about 22 hours to get from door to door.

The flight was long, but largely uneventful. Which is what one wants in a flight. (At least the uneventful part. The long bit, not so much.)

We landed in São Paulo around 9:00 a.m., but had to wait around a while at the airport to get the bus to Campinas, as the earlier one was full.

My first meal here was therefore eaten in an airport café. I had a salad, a somewhat stale pão de queijo, and a can of guaraná.

The bus ride was about 2 hours long, and I slept through much of it. The bus was able to let us out “at our hotel,” by special arrangements of the conference organizers. This meant letting a group of us out on a busy highway so that we could climb up a pedestrian overpass, and then cross another busy street with no light or crosswalk, traipse through a gas station, and arrive at the hotel on foot. This was not so bad, in and of itself, but seemed a bit rough on the distinguished professor from Japan in his late 70s. Especially since we were all toting our luggage. On the bright side, we didn’t get squashed by a bus.

Have I mentioned that Campinas appears to not be very pedestrian friendly? It would seem that we need to take cabs everywhere (or a shuttle to and from the conference when available)¹. There is not even a restaurant (outside of the hotel) or little market nearby.

My travel companion and I ended up taking a cab over to the nearby “small” shopping center, which turned out to be a pretty substantial mall. We found what we hoped would be a supermarket, but turned out to be more like a Walmart (named, appropriately, Big).

We did pick up a few things for dinner and snacks, including some goiabada (a condensed guava paste) and Minas cheese, which when eaten together are called “Romeo and Juliet.” We also got a bit of fruit, including some little bananas that were not as ripe as their degree of yellowness and and softness led me to believe. (Hopefully they will redeem themselves later in the week.)

My Portuguese vocabulary is coming back to me in dribs and drabs. But I feel like I’m in a totally different country than the Brazil I knew 16 years ago. I don’t know how much of that is due to being in the outskirts of a very industrialized city without claims to tourism, and how much is due to the passage of time. Both, I think.

I’ve taken a couple of pictures of the view from our hotel window, but can’t seem to get my pictures to upload off my camera. I’ll post some when I can.

The conference starts tomorrow, so I expect I’ll be pretty tied up for the day.

Oh, also, a word of advice for those travelling to Brazil. Make sure to call all your banks or credit card companies if you hope to have access to your accounts in Brazil. I called one credit card company, but neglected to call our regular bank. My attempts to get cash from an ATM have resulted not in me getting cash, but in a hold being put on our account.

——–

¹ I may actually adopt the term “shuffle bus” into my vocabulary, as this is what was listed several times on the conference bus. It appeals to me that we will get shuffled around, especially since many of us feel a bit mixed up.

travel reservations: heading down to Brazil

So I leave for Brazil in less than 24 hours, and I feel far from ready.

The poster and handouts are done. I have my passport and visa. I have confirmation about my flights. I have some of my packing done. (What I also have is a really bad cough. My flu of last week evolved into a persistant cough that I really hoped I’d have shaken by now. Can I say that I’m not looking forward to the 12+ hours in airplanes? Oh, right, and I’m also pregnant, which may also lead to the flights being somewhat uncomfortable.)

What I don’t yet have are reservations for my last 2 nights in Brazil. Which I need to work out, hopefully tonight.

I’m very excited about this trip, but there are a number of things weighing on my mind.

The conference itself is in Campinas, a city in the state of São Paulo, and about an hour away from the sprawling city of São Paulo itself. Campinas is an industrial city with a university. It appears, however, to be rather short of attractions that might be interesting to a tourist. If you look it up in the Lonely Planet Brazil guide, you won’t even freakin’ find it. Okay, it’s on the map, but that’s it. And this travel site shows 3 attractions, one of which is a nightclub. I feel a little like I’m going to Pittsburg. (I have never been to Pittsburg. I’m sure it’s a lovely city. But it’s not exactly known as an international tourism destination.)

My plan, therefore, is to try to spend some time in São Paulo, a city which has an actual chapter in Lonely Planet, for the couple of days after the conference ends. There are loads of museums there, and also some vegetarian restaurants, and a famous large outdoor market. I find myself thinking more about that end of the trip than about the conference.

I spent a semester in Brazil in 1991, as part of my undergraduate studies. It was an amazing experience, and I have a deep affection for Brazil. It amazes me to realize that I have not been back there in over 16 years. I have been hoping to find some time to write about my earlier experiences. I lived in Rio, where I stayed in sort of an uncomfortable living situation with a “family,” attended classes at a university there, and took every chance I could to get out of Rio and see the rest of the country. The high point of my stay in Brazil was when I bought a one-way plane ticket to Manaus¹, a city smack-dab in the middle of the Brazilian Amazon, and worked my way back down to Rio by boat and bus over several weeks.

I was 20 years old then. I took some risks. I had some adventures. I stayed in some really seedy places. I nearly got stranded. I met some interesting people. And I was very lucky. I managed not to be the victim of a crime, unlike large numbers of other travelers that I knew.

This trip will be very different from that other time in Brazil. I expect to be quite safe while attending the conference, and taking the shuttle to and from the fairly upscale hotel where I’ll be staying along with one of my professors.

But I do have a few misgivings about the end of my stay. My professor will be heading off for other parts, and I’ll be on my own the last 2 nights. São Paulo is considered to be much safer than Rio, but tourists are still regular targets of crime. For example, take a gander at this lovely bit from the US government Overseas Security Advisory Council:

The Department of State rates the crime rate for São Paulo as CRITICAL. Despite various organizations and state government entities reporting decreases in crime levels throughout São Paulo state, crime is still widespread with various degrees of severity. Violent crimes such as murder, rape, kidnappings, armed assaults and burglaries have become a part of normal everyday life.

Crime was a serious threat when I was in Brazil in 1991, too. It was a part of daily life. I learned ways of reducing my chances of being a victim. I got to be very good at looking like I knew where I was going, even if I had no idea. I learned to carry a bag like locals carry. I learned to keep my money not only hidden, but distributed across various pockets and such so that I wouldn’t have to fork it all over in the likely event of a mugging. I learned not to wear a watch, or any shiny jewelry, no matter how low in value. (I had a friend who was mugged over a cheap plastic watch.)

I’ve already taken off my wedding ring, and won’t even bring a watch. I’m planning to bring a 5-year-old laptop, rather than my more recent one, and I’ll keep it tucked away when I’m not in the safety of my hotel room. I’m not planning to even leave the hotel after dark. But you see, I haven’t yet picked a hotel. Part of me says I should just stay in some expensive place, to take advantage of the relative saftey. But part of me wonders just how much I should shell out. My various concerns make it hard for me to decide on a hotel, and then I still have to hope that I can even get a room.

It’s been interesting to think about this trip compared to my earlier trips in Brazil. I’ve come to realize that I value my safety a lot more now, and that I value my life a lot more than I did when I was twenty. As a wife and mother (and an expecting mother at that), my life and safety also mean more to more people than they did when I was an unattached student.

And on top of all of this, I’m feeling the pangs of being separated from Phoebe for over a week. (Yes, I’ll miss John, too. But I can email him, hopefully.) It was hard for me to put Phoebe to bed tonight, because I didn’t want to stop holding her. I found myself caving to her requests to read and reread more books than usual.

So now it’s time to get back to packing. And looking up hotels online. And paying bills. And doing all the other assorted things one always has to do before a trip.

————

¹ Thanks again, jenny, for lending my that $300 to help me get my plane ticket when the airfares suddenly doubled. I couldn’t have done it without you!

Is it hot in here?

Okay, I was all set to whine again. I came down with the flu a few days ago, and spent many of the last 24 hours feverish and miserable. But it got me thinking about fevers. Now, suddenly, I’m feeling much better. My fever is all gone. But I still have this fever list I came down with, or came up with for ThThTh.

A Few Feverish Bits

  1. feed a cold, starve a fever (or is it feed a fever, starve a cold?) an expression about folk remedies. Said to be based in part on an idea written in 1574: “Fasting is a great remedie of feuer.” Of course, they probably would have set leeches on you then, too.
  2. the brainfever bird, a nickname for the common hawk-cuckoo inspired by its repetive song, which sounds to some like the bird is saying “brain fever.”
  3. the origins of the fahrenheit scale. I remember a story my high school chemistry teacher told about how Fahrenheit made his temperature scale. According to this story, Fahrenheit wanted 100 degrees to be human body temperature. So he took his wife’s temperature to use. It turned out she had a lowgrade fever. (This tale is likely apocryphal, as people have offered up various other stories.)
  4. Fever is used quite a bit metaphorically to mean “high levels” of some thing: eg. fever of activity, fever of enthusiasm, fever of interest, fever of work. (Mind you, Google showed me no hits for either “fever of pants” nor “fever of bananas.”)
  5. cabin fever: an expression describing the feeling that one has been stuck inside for too long. Also the title of a movie
  6. jungle fever: A slang term for interracial relationships. Also a movie directed by Spike Lee
  7. fever pitch: intense levels of excitement or other emotions, often said in reference to crowds or other masses of people. Also the title of a book by Nick Hornby, and a movie based on the same.
  8. Saturday Night Fever (1977). John Travolta’s famous disco dancing movie. I don’t believe he actually had a fever in that movie.
  9. But speaking of fevers and dancing movies, did you ever hear that Gene Kelly had a high fever (103° f) during the famous scene where he dances (and sings) in the rain in the movie Singin’ in the Rain?
  10. Fever, or the metaphorical hotness it invokes, has also been the inspiration for lots of songs, such as Suzanne Vega’s “99.9 F°“, a lowgrade fever, and also the album title. (Video on YouTube.) And here are a few more from our iTunes library:
    Fever Few, Throwing Muses
    Fever Moon, Mission of Burma
    Fevered, The Stills
    Stray Cats Fever and Electric Beach Fever, Puffy AmiYumi
  11. Of course, any feverish list couldn’t be complete without Fever, the song made famous by Peggy Lee, and which has been stuck in my head much of the day:
  12. There’s also this version performed by Rita Moreno, as accompanied by Animal. Because many things are improved with the addition of muppets.

what to expect when you weren’t expecting the Y chromosome

I’ve been having a hard time wrapping my head around something. I’m going to be having a son.

I joked a while back about the reassurance that an ultrasound would provide that I was not incubating “some sort of tentacled alien spawn.” But, aside from reassuring me that creature had the correct number and arrangement of limbs to be classified as human, it also revealed to us an appendage that I had not anticipated. It seems that I have been, in fact, incubating some sort of testacled alien spawn.

It’s come as quite a surprise to me just how much of a surprise this is to me. I mean, I have known all along that it was a possibility.

And yet somehow, I didn’t really think it would happen.

I left that ultrasound appointment feeling someone stunned. Surprised. In mild shock. And I will admit here, and please don’t attack me for this, even somewhat disappointed.

That seems so harsh. Disappointed? The poor little guy hasn’t even been born yet, and already I’m disappointed in him? That hardly seems fair.

“I guess we won’t be reusing Phoebe’s dresses,” I’ve said. But of course, even though I’d love to hold on to some of those cute girl clothes a bit longer, my feelings aren’t really based on wardrobe.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s going on here. And I’ve realized that there are a lot of things going on.

Ever since I was little, I imagined that someday I’d be a mother. The specific circumstances of this motherhood status were typically murky, especially with respect to the role of a father in these imaginings. But always, I imagined that I would have 2 girls. Just like in my family.

Growing up, and moving around so much as I did, my closest friend was always my sister. We were, and still are, very close. It always seemed the natural order of things.

Somehow, I always imagined I’d reproduce this pattern, when I got around to reproducing.

I realize that even if I were to have a second girl, the individuals wouldn’t necessarily have had the relationship that my sister and I had. I know, of course, that Phoebe is not a new version of my sister, and that a second daughter wouldn’t be a new version of me. And yet I feel like I’m saying goodbye to that person that never existed outside my head.

And then there’s the fact that boys were largely unknown to me growing up. My immediate family consisted of me, my mother, and my sister. The next most involved family member was my grandmother. Obviously, there had been males around at various points. But by and large, we were a family of females. Even the cousins I saw most often were girls.

My father was around for my first 6 years, and then died. Both grandfathers had already died at that point. There were uncles I’d see for a few days every few years. There were boy cousins that I’d met here and there. There were stepfathers and boyfriends of my mother’s. But mostly, these males never felt part of my own life. They were visitors, or passers-by. I knew boys at my various schools, but was never even friends with any till high school. It wasn’t till college that I had any close relationships with men.

I realized, in my various ponderings, that John is the first male to have been in my life in any significant way for more than the 6 years that my life overlapped with my father’s. And John has even passed that number by another 10 years, clocking in now at 16 years.

And I sure am glad that John is here to share this experience with me. Because, among other things, John has some experience with growing up around boys. In fact, he even grew up as a boy.

I find myself continuing to be surprised that we’ll be having a boy, still avoiding using the gendered pronoun even now that it’s weeks since the revelation. And I question whether this leads me to feel a bit more detached from the pregnancy than I was the first time around. Or maybe it’s just that I’m so busy right now, and that I’ve been feeling pretty bad physically.

I am certain that I’ll come to love him fiercely as I love Phoebe. And I expect that there will come a time when I won’t be able to imagine things any other way, and when I can’t imagine my life without him.

feeling the burn

Okay, I admit it. I’m feeling a tad burned out. What with the trip for the conference, the conference itself, the prep for the conference, the hard drive failure, and the various illnesses of the past couple of weeks, I feel like I’m due for a break. But sadly, I’ve got to get cranking on the next poster for the conference in Brazil, which is now (most startlingly) less than 3 weeks away.

And not that you wanted to know this, but I am now plagued by heartburn. I had this problem when I was pregnant before, especially as I got huge. I thought things might be better this time around, but either the timing was coincidental, or the stomach bug I got pushed me out of the comfort zone, and into the fire.

Hello zantac, my old friend,
I’ve come to look to you again,
Because the acids softly creeping,
Left my stomach while I was sleeping,
And the fire that was planted in my throat
Really blows
Giving the burn of reflux.

Anyhow, I owe a ThThTh list, but I’m not feeling sufficiently fired up to do a thorough job. But here are a burning bits to toast your marshmallows. (Please feel free to fuel the fire, too.)

  • Phoenix, a mythical bird who burns and is reborn out of the ashes
  • Quest for Fire, a 1981 movie base on a 1911 French novel. About prehistoric people. Who, um, want fire or something like that.
  • Out of the the frying pan and into the fire, an idiom meaning “leave a bad situation for a worse one.”
  • Firestarter. A 1984 movie starrying Drew Barrymore as a pyrokinetic kid. Based on a Stephen King novel.
  • The Human Torch, a comic book character. Who gets all fiery.
  • Spontaneous Human Combustion. I don’t really have anything to say here. Poof.
  • Flame war or flaming: “the hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users”
  • And here, how about a whole bunch of songs I like with a fiery theme.
      Burning down the house, Talking Heads
      Beds are Burning, Midnight Oil
      Fire on Babylon, Sinead O’Connor
      London’s Burning, The Clash
      Firestarter, Prodigy
      Light My Fire, The Doors
      Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash (also Social Distortion)
      Who by Fire, Leonard Cohen
      Dig for Fire, Pixies
      It’s a Fire, Portishead
      Into the Fire, Sarah MacLachlan
      Keeper of the Flame, Nina Simone