Category: tiredness

lessons from the other side of the Street

Here’s a bit of “unnecessary censorship.”

This video taught me several important lessons:

    1) My mental age is 12.
    2) The videos I show Phoebe and Theo aren’t that far off from Sesame Street after all.
    3) I should be extra careful sending emails with silly youtube links late at night.
    4) The autofill function for the address field in my mail program is not always my friend.
    5) Especially since my spouse and my advisor have names that start with the same 2 letters.
    6) I am lucky that my advisor has a sense of humor.

Brought to you by the letter [bleep].

tired

Remember how I said I hoped to get some recaps and photos from my trip posted soon, and get back to visiting blogs? Well, as it turns out, I underestimated how entirely tired I would be.

In addition to seriously underestimating the impact of jetlag, I’d also underestimated how stressed I would feel coming back to the pressure of home and work responsibilities. Not that our trip was relaxing, mind you. In fact, we were too busy for me to even think about all the work I wasn’t doing on the trip, and all the other random crap we hadn’t gotten done before our departure. It was a kind of decompression to be away from it all, and taxed with merely the day-by-day, and sometimes hour-by-hour, stress of making our way around on very tired feet and getting ourselves fed all the while wrangling two very tired little kiddos.

And now we’re back to the pressures of our regular chaotic home and life, among which are dealing with various home and car issues. Such as a car tire with a slow leak that had been getting progressively worse. For the weeks leading up to the trip, we’d had to pump up the tire 2 or 3 times a day. It would get totally flat within maybe 8 hours. With the hecticness of work before the trip, we just couldn’t fit the time and even brief carlessness into our schedules. So upon returning, the rear tire was still leaking and lurking, rearing its ugly total flatness almost every time I needed to dash out the door to get the kids to daycare, or rush back from work to pick them up. (Mind you, we did really get some good use out of our portable air compressor tire pump.)

I’m happy to say that our car now has new tires. 4 new tires, as it turns out. The tires hold their pressure beautifully, which greatly relieves one pressure in my daily schedule. And we had a lovely Saturday evening out together as a family at a mall eating mediocre food and buying fuzzy pajamas while the car got tired. (Phoebe was very happy that she got to meet some mechanics. She is a big fan of mechanics. She even will tell you as much, given the chance.)

Since I didn’t get any photos of the tire in its flatness, I thought perhaps I could instead share photos of tiredness from our trip.

Phoebe at dinner on our first night in Barcelona, after 16+ hours of travel followed by refusal to nap.
Phoebe at dinner on our first night in Barcelona, after 16+ hours of travel followed by refusal to nap.

Phoebe often got tired from all the walking, and so would hitch a ride on John's shoulders. This is by the river in Sevilla.
Phoebe often got tired from all the walking, and so would hitch a ride on John's shoulders. This is by the river in Sevilla.

She asked to be carried *a lot*.
She asked to be carried *a lot*.

Theo, on the other hand, got to ride in the stroller most of the time. Here he is, admiring the streets of Sevilla.
Theo, on the other hand, got to ride in the stroller most of the time. Here he is, admiring the streets of Sevilla.

Here he is at a street cafe in Barcelona.
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Here he is at the top of Montjuïc in Barcelona.
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His cheeks got to know the buckles of the stroller well.
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And on many occasion, Theo just got tired of being stuck in the stroller.

Theo tiring of the gardens of Alcazar in Sevilla.
Theo tiring of the gardens of Alcazar in Sevilla.

Okay, it’s getting on towards midnight now, and I have a long day of commuting and work ahead. Yes, this post is odd and rambly. But what can I say? I’m tired.

driving home

So, um, yeah. I have another bad driver’s license photo.

I didn’t end up going to the RMV on Wednesday, and went this morning before John had to go to a meeting. I wasn’t sure there would be time, but I thought I should give it a try. In the end, my number got called just at the point that I’d determined would be the latest time I could wait before heading back home. The transaction went fine, except I had trouble getting a decent signature with that stupid plastic fake pen dealy. By the time it was time for my photo, I just really needed to get out of there. I went with the first photo. I look bedraggled, disheveled, and weary.

In other words, just how I felt.

I guess I’ve been feeling rather run down. I just hadn’t really realized how much. I’ve been falling asleep while working at night and waking up bone tired in the morning, I’ve been so fatigued the past few weeks that I was actually convincing myself that I must be pregnant. The last few days had me practically at the point where I was choosing names for the twins (as surely it must be twins).

But I’m not pregnant. I’m just really damn tired.

Yesterday was a particularly tiring (and trying) day, with rushing around and a long commute and meetings, and trying (not all that successfully) to fit in pumping. I ended up getting stuck in traffic, being late to meet with the friend who was kind enough to be my subject, late to my scheduled lab meeting, getting a parking ticket, rushing out of my meeting, and having a really long uncomfortable drive back to pick up Phoebe and Theo from daycare. And I was late for that, too.

So today, I should have probably just taken it easy instead of rushing around some more. And now I’m stuck with another awful photo for up to ten years. I was amused when I left the RMV with my new temporary license, and drove home feeling mildly victorious for having gotten that dealt with.

But by the time I got home, I was hating the photo, and feeling like crap. I’m actually pretty comfortable with my looks in general. I mean, I’m not thrilled with them all the time, but my appearance is just not all that important to me. Until I see a bad photo, that is. And it reminds me that I haven’t managed to get my hair cut in over a year, and that I’m tired and busy and rushing all the time and that most of my clothes don’t fit me all that well. It reminds me of how little time I have to take care of my own needs, let alone my appearance.

Nothing like a bad photo to drive all of that home.

excuses, excuses (ad nauseam)

Dear Blogosphere,

Please excuse Alejna’s continued absence from posting and visiting and other blog-related activities. She has been recovering from a blechy stomach virus, which has been making her feel really icky since Wednesday night. She has also been tending to a very sick sweet Phoebe, who was hit even harder by the nasty bug. Also to a teething Theo, who thankfully seems not to be overly affected by the virus.

Alejna hopes to return to her regular blog attendance in the next couple of days, and hopes she can be allowed to turn in any missed assignments at that time.

Sincerely,

Alejna’s Largely Neglected Laptop

So much for jumping right back into blogging.

I was feeling really great Wednesday morning, if just starting to deal with the the 3-hour time difference. I took Phoebe late to daycare, ran some errands with Theo, then came home. At which point I noticed that the contractor we’ve been working with installed a different door on our deck than the one we discussed. (Have I mentioned we’ve been dealing with home repais?) Then I tried to do a little work, trying to hold on to my recent productivity, and encountered a big setback in my research. So I turned to the internet for solace, and skimmed through friends’ recent status updates on Facebook. And saw that azahar, who had been told she was clear of any signs of cancer, now has evidence of two new tumors. Fuck.

These various things, combined with jetlag, left me feeling drained, and then queasy with worry for the evening. Or at least I thought it was the anxiety causing the queasiness. The 101 fever seemed a bit much. And then when my anxiety caused Phoebe to start vomiting, I realized that there was probably something else going on, too.

John was up with Phoebe just about all night. Theo was also quite fussy, though that may have just been teething. (His first tooth broke through Thursday night.) Phoebe was sicker than we’ve ever seen her on Thursday, and recovery’s been pretty slow. I’ve had a much milder version of whatever it is, but I haven’t managed to eat normal food until today. It’s been largely impossible for me to get in the sort of calories I need to keep up with Theo’s feeding.

We’re glad this didn’t hit us while we were on the trip. And relieved that John has (at least so far) seemed to have missed it. (I don’t know how single parents manage sometimes.) John has some important work deadlines he’s got to keep working towards, too.

We largely gave up on trying to adjust to the time zone, so we are still on West Coast time. Sleep, whenever we could get it, seemed more important than paying attention to the clocks.

I’m still feeling pretty icky, but am clearly on the mend. Phoebe’s mostly better, but is now afraid both of sleeping in her own bed, and of vomiting. Theo is still teething, and may have a second tooth about to pop through.

I haven’t really managed to get online much, so I’m sorry for my continued neglect. Thanks so much for your comments on my last post, and thanks to anyone else who is still reading for standing by.

I’ll be back for real. Sometime. Soon, I hope.

p.s. The March Just Posts are just around the corner, and they need you! Have you read posts this month that moved you or made you think about topics of relating to social justice? Have you written one? There’s still time. For more info, check out the info page.

p.p.s. Just to add to my general crankiness, I am informed that my post title contained a spelling error, so I have fixed it.

the soundtrack of my life

This wrinkle in time, I cant give it no credit
I thought about my space and I really got me down

                                “Headache,” Frank Black

I have a headache I haven’t quite been able to shake for the last couple of days. I’m also generally feeling pretty run down. I think sleep deprivation has been catching up with me.

So why aren’t you going to bed, then, Alejna?

Well, I’ll be off to bed soon. But first I wanted to post this assignment I saw over at I’m Just Sayin:

Here’s how it works:
1. Open your music library on iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, or whatever
1. Shuffle it
3. For every ‘scene’ below, type the title and the artist in the order the songs come up

OR

1. If you’re old and don’t have your tunes online, close your eyes and pull out 16 CDs, albums, cassettes, 8-tracks or 78s.¹
2. Actually shuffle them. Be careful, though — they’re antiques.
3. Type in the first title and artist for each scene below
4. Whichever way you do it, no cheating!

So, here’s my soundtrack:

Waking up: You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet, Baby, The Smiths
Falling in Love: Perfect Kiss, New Order
Fight Song: No No Raja, Moxy Fruvous
Breaking Up: Post Script, Catatonia
Prom: Martha Avenue Love Song, Innocence Mission
Life: More Than This, Charlie Hunter featuring…
Mental Breakdown: Pretty Pathetic, Smoking Popes
Driving: Shake the Disease, Depeche Mode
Flash Back: Oh Do Not Fly Away, Innocence Mission
Getting Back Together: Pretty Good Year, Tori Amos
Wedding: Ode to My Family, The Cranberries
Birth of a Child: I Ain’t Gone Under Yet, Neneh Cherry
Final Battle: Fire on Babylon, Sinead O’Connor
Death Scene: Punk to Funk, Fatboy Slim
Funeral Song: Photographic, Depeche Mode
End Credits: Paid to Smile, Lemonheads

I think that works.² It’s just missing Frank Black’s “Headache” for the montage of the last couple of days.

——

¹ I’ve seen variations of this floating around before, but I enjoyed Becky’s suggestion of shuffling the stack of 8-tracks.

² I will confess to having cheated slightly. The first shuffle I got was a load of stuff I either don’t like, and would skip over instead of listening to, or don’t even know. Which suggests to me that I need to clean out my iPod. But the list above is a real and genuine second shuffle.

I’m back home now, by the way

I got home Monday. My flight arrived in Boston a bit before 11:00 am, and John and Phoebe met me at the airport. The return journey was a bit quicker than the way down, clocking in at about 18 hours. I had a 3 hour layover in New York. I managed to get maybe 3 hours of sleep on the flights.

I’ve been a bit out of it the last few days. I’m tired, for some odd reason. I have some posts and photos to share from my trip, but I keep running out of steam. Maybe tomorrow (she thinks for third day in a row…)

Phoebe and John did really well (without me!) last week, but I think that Phoebe is reacting to my trip a bit now that I’m home. She went to bed just fine on Monday, but last night and tonight were a challenge, eating up a lot of time and energy.

Tomorrow I head into Boston for work meetings again. Now that the conferences are behind me, I’m hoping to crank forward with my own research. I have some goals of stuff to accomplish before…um…late summer, when I’m expecting …um… some additional delays to my academic progress.

I’ve been trying to catch up on reading the various 100s of posts in my feed reader, but have managed to leave only one comment. I’ll try to drop in and say “hi” soon. You know, maybe tomorrow.

And here, to add a bit of color to this otherwise dull post, I’ll share a picture of São Paulo. This is a view from behind the MASP:

happy, sad, happy, sad… (ad nauseam)

It’s a bright, beautiful sunny day here. John, Phoebe and I got to spend some time together this morning hanging out and playing with toys. This had not actually been the plan for the day.

In spite of me joking around yesterday about sleep deprivation from goofing off online, what I’ve actually been busy with is work. I have a conference next week, and there is still lots to be done. (Admittedly, I did also spend some time socializing this weekend, with live-bodied people, a rare treat that perhaps used up more time than I had.)

Yesterday, I had a very productive day while Phoebe was off at daycare. I even managed to do a bit of work after Phoebe got home, while she played, which I don’t often manage. Then once she was in bed, I settled in for a long evening of more work, with big plans of productivity for the evening. I smugly sent off a report to the professors I work with, listing my accomplishments and my goals for the night, and offering to send spreadsheets and poster drafts.

Then some time around 10:00 p.m., my hard drive failed.

  • Happily, I live with an expert on disaster recovery, who knows his way around a Mac.
  • Sadly, the diagnosis was the dreaded Click of Death. (I’ll let you guess the prognosis.)
  • Happily, I had backed up only yesterday morning.
  • Sadly, I had largely lost my whole day of work, with less than a week before we’ll need to print a poster.
  • Happily, John was able to set aside his own work to try to recover and restore my data.
  • Sadly, John got no sleep, after only getting 4 hours the night before.
  • Happily, I did get some sleep, if fitful and haunted by dreams of lost data.
  • Sadly, Phoebe had a fever when she woke up, so couldn’t go to daycare, and leading to me cancelling my meeting with my advisor.
  • Happily, Phoebe seems generally okay, if a bit listless.
  • Sadly, it may turn out to be a stomach bug that was going around daycare.
  • Happily, John is also an expert at functioning without sleep, and could stay with Phoebe while I went out to get a new hard drive.
  • Sadly, the people at Best Buy were incompetent (not to mention rude), and gave me the wrong drive when I went to pick up what we’d ordered online for in-store pick-up.
  • Happily, after John made another trip, we now have the right drive, and the restore process is going on now.
  • Sadly, I still have a lot of work to do once I can get back to it. I not only lost most of yesterday’s progress, but today’s work time. And what feels worse, I’ve lost my momentum.

Hopefully, in the next hour or so, I’ll have enough of the data and software at my fingertips to get back to work. And hopefully, John will be able to get some good sleep, as he’s now been up for 32 hours. And hopefully this queasiness I’m feeling is just due to stress, tiredness and pregnancy…

rough night

Sorry if you are looking for a list, or even any sort of entertainment. It’s Thursday, and therefore I’m due for a ThThTh list. It’s in progress, but damn those things take a lot longer to put together than you might expect. A list will be up much later today. What follows can be happily ignored by anyone who doesn’t enjoy reading about the crankiness of dealing with a toddler.

————————————-

I’m feeling less-than-fully functional today. Phoebe and I had a bad night. I didn’t mention in last night’s post that John had to run off to get a meeting this morning. In California. So he was gone last night, and will be gone tonight. I also think that Phoebe’s been teething. The biting is one clue. She’s also been drooling and sticking her hands and other things in her mouth a lot, which she’s not generally prone to anymore. For whatever reason, she woke up twice last night. Once about half an hour after she went to bed, and then a little after midnight. (As in just when I was going to get to bed.) I just could not get her to settle down.

We talked. I dosed her with Motrin. I held her. I rocked her. I sang to her. But every time I went to put her in her crib, she’d cry again. I tried leaving her, and she screamed and screamed. I went back after a few minutes, and am not pleased with myself that I snapped at her that it was time to stop crying. (I was tired. Sorry. I have a temper.) So then I started right in with the soothing and snuggling and talking, and she seemed to settle. But still objected to going back in her crib.

I asked if she was sad that Daddy wasn’t here, and she said “yeah.” So we called John. (It was only 10:30 or so California time, and John’s ususally up half the night anyhow.) He talked. He soothed.

I put Phoebe in her crib. I sang. I talked about things she likes me to talk about. Then I said it was time to go, just like I do every single night. She usually lets out a sob as I walk out the door, just to pull at my heart strings, but then goes to sleep quietly. But last night, at 2:00, she started screaming. And screaming more. I haven’t left her crying for ages. I don’t even know how long it’s been. (Yes, we did a version of the dreaded Ferberization way back when. Dr. Sears can bite me.) But I thought maybe she’d settle down without me. I went back in after 10 minutes, and got her quiet again. But the screams started in once more. I went back in and she was saying “Mommy room. Mommy room.” “You want to go to Mommy’s room?” I asked. (I swore I’d never talk about myself in the third person, but deictic pronouns are tricky beasts.) She said, “yeah.”

I caved. I brought her to bed with me. I was desperate for sleep. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. She eventually stopped squirming enough to fall asleep. At least, she appeared to be just waking up when she woke me up crying at 6:45.

Now I wonder if this will come back to bite me. She really does sleep best on her own. And she’s generally a good sleeper.

Happily, she went to daycare this morning, and I was able to get a bit more sleep. I am “working” from home today, but haven’t been able to defog my brain sufficiently. I do have a conference call at 3:30, so will need to kick into high gear.

I hope that tonight goes better, because I have to drive the two of us down to New York tomorrow. John’s dad is going back home, after over a year in various hospitals and rehab hospitals. John will be going right to New York from his trip, following his red-eye flight to Newark, rather than going home first, so that he can be there to help. Phoebe and I will go down later in the day. Our eyes may well be red, too.

a few categories of people

Tonight I am feeling envious and/or jealous of the following categories of people:

  1. Those people who ever get to sleep past 7 a.m.
  2. Those who have time to watch TV, watch movies, or read books, especially on weekends.
  3. Those who haven’t committed to revising and submitting conference abstracts due on a Friday night.
  4. Those who don’t have another conference paper revision due the following Monday.
  5. Any individuals who have not insanely committed to presenting a computational linguistics textbook chapter to a group on the Saturday morning of the same weekend as those other deadlines.

Really, it’s all good. But I find myself with strong cravings for mindless entertainment and near-vegetative activites. I thought a little bit of whine might help. Ooo, and maybe some cheese.