a post for Burma

Free Burma!

Today, October 4th, is International Bloggers’ Day for Burma.

While I still know quite little about the country of Burma (Myanmar), what I have learned recently of the events there has both moved and shocked me. I am appalled by the violence committed against the Buddhist monks and other peaceful protesters by the military regime. At the same time, I am inspired by their bravery, and that of Aung San Suu Kyi, who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1991.

She has called on people around the world to join the struggle for freedom in Burma, saying “Please use your liberty to promote ours.”

To learn more about what is going on in Burma, and what you can do, I recommend the following resources:

de-lightful, de-lovely, de-lurking

The Great Mofo Delurk 2007 I hear, via Magpie, that tomorrow, Octber 3rd, is a grand holiday: The Great Mofo Delurk.

I have to say, I like getting comments. And I like celebrating made-up holidays. (Remind me that I should start making up holidays. I could design a whole line of greeting cards. Maybe I should declare some day to be “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day.”) Anyhow, we were talking about comments, weren’t we. Well, I like them. So do other people. So some folks have decided that people need a little bit of an extra nudge to leave some comments, at least this one day a year.

I plan to celebrate by leaving a few comments around on blogs where I tend to lurk. (Actually, first I plan to celebrate by getting up, engaging in some sorts of personal hygiene rituals, getting dressed, getting Phoebe dressed and off to daycare, doing some work, commuting, having a meeting, doing some more work, commuting again, and maybe having a festive holiday scone. Because I think every holiday needs a tradition of baked goods. And I don’t think scones are taken.) By the end of the day, I hope to work myself up to leaving at least a quick “hello” on a few blogs.

And I’d love it if you’d join me in this celebration. You could start right here, by leaving me a scone. Or a comment, since they are less likely to get crumbs on my laptop.

I know that it can be hard to come up with just the right comment to leave, so I thought I’d offer up a few possibilities for some quick-and-easy, down-and-dirty, alpha-and-numeric comments that are ready-to-wear. It’s easy to convey lots of meaning with just a few keystrokes. Just refer to the handy chart below.

     comment        translation
     yo  Great post!
     yoyo  You rock!
     yoyoyo  You rock. Like someone in a rocking chair. Knitting socks. That don’t match.
     oy  Your corniness pains me. Please stop.
     oyo  This is meaningless
     3752  I think you may have miscalculated
     555 That color isn’t the most flattering for you.
     12  I would like to sing you an aria.
     9  This post was one of the most poignantly written, beautifully crafted, impassioned things I have read in many long years. I was moved. I cried. I wept. I did an interpretive dance.
     pants  alejna, you are cracked
     squid  this was a disturbing, but strangely compelling post
     dude  all of the above

Introducing AHTV: The American Hovel TV Network

American Hovel Magazine, April 2007 coverAHTV
Lowering Acceptable Neatness Standards in the Home
…and Beyond!

Following the incredible success of American Hovel Magazine, the magazine dedicated to lowering acceptable neatness standards in the home, this month will see the launch of AHTV, the American Hovel TV Network. Here are a few shows that you’ll be able to see on AHTV:

  • Fashion Programming
    • Laundry Day Style
    Getting dressed can be a challenge on those days when laundry is overdue. But with a little help from our fashionistas, you can throw together outfits that make a statement using what’s left in your closet.

  • Science and Nature Shows
    • The Wild Kingdom: Indoor Edition
    Ever wonder what kinds of things are growing in your refrigerator? What sorts of animals have taken up residence in your garage or attic? Tune each week to find out.
  • Sit Coms
    • The Oddly Compatible Couple
    Oscar is a messy slob. Felix is a messy slob. What happens when two messy people move in together? Hilarity ensues!

  • Dramas
    • Law and Disorder
    A courtroom drama about a group of attorneys whose offices are in constant chaos. They’ll get to the bottom of the case, once they find the tops of their desks.

    • The X-Piles
    Is that fuzzy gray thing in the vegetable drawer becoming sentient? Are rooms really disappearing in your home? Did aliens steal your remote? Join special agents Molder and Sullied as they investigate reports of supernatural occurrences.

    • Max Clutter, P.I.
    Crime is a messy business, especially when Max gets involved. Join the Detritus Detective each week for a new mystery, as he searches for clues, missing persons, and his missing car keys.

  • Home and Garden Shows
    • Trashing Spaces
    See some of America’s most beautiful showroom homes.Then see what happens when real families move into them.

    • Martha Stewart’s Not Living Here
    Join our hosts, who are nothing like Martha Stewart, as they give ideas for ways to appreciate your messy home. Topics for upcoming shows include “Loving Your Dandelion Garden,” “Clutter Chic,” and “Feng Shui is not For You.”

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This programming is brought to you by…The Monday Mission, sponsored by The Flying Mum, now with more TV programming than ever. Nothing brightens teeth better!

How do you feel about squid?

squid_question_mark1.jpg

“So…what is it with you and squid?”

This was the burning question that one curious soul asked Raincoaster, the celebrated cephalopodophile.¹

This question got me to thinking. Doesn’t everybody feel a fondness for squid? I then recalled a test I’d taken a while back, which measures one’s Squid Quotient.² I dug up the link, and found that my own affinity for squid is far above average³:

Your Squid Quotient = 154.75
Interpreting your results: An average Squid Quotient is around 100. A SQ of 100 means you have a normal affinity for squid. A SQ above 100 means you have an attraction or fondness for squid. Below 100 means that you should probably stay away from the deep ocean.

In case that you, too, feel you might have an interest in squid that extends beyond the occasional craving for calamari, the Squidsquid website also has a whole bunch of other fun squid activities to wrap your tentacles around. Including a squidtastic squid translator, squid games, squid insults, and a squid name generator. Behold! I am greedy alejna the behemoth!

—————————-

¹ A commenter on the post where the asking was described suggested that a sign with that text might have helped the asker locate the askee among the crowds at the train station where they had their rendez-vous. This seemed an excellent suggestion. I am fully in favor of more squid signs, and I felt moved to create one of my own. And now I am flattered to see that my own tentacular design is now swimming in the murky depths of Raincoaster.

² While I don’t remember the specifics of how I came across this, it was likely via this Pharyngula post.

³ Admittedly, when I took the test back in February, my score was lower. Either my squid appreciation and/or knowledge has increased, or (more likely, as it’s a timed test) I was just faster with my answers the second time around⁴.

⁴ Yes, I must confess I did save my answer from the first time around. It was 131.75. It’s not like I had it tattooed on my forehead or anything. But I do tend to save things.⁵

⁵ Do you want to see my collection of…No, I’m pretty sure you don’t.

pushover

phoebe_in_tube.jpg phoebe_park.jpg

Phoebe and I went to the playground at our town park this morning before lunch. She’d been at daycare the past 3 days, and we didn’t get to spend much time together Monday, either. So I was determined we’d go do something fun together today.

The playground was more crowded than I’d ever seen it. Actually, there have been a number of times when we’ve been the only ones there, and other times when we’ve seen only a couple other kids. Today, though, there were a half dozen or so mothers there, and maybe 10 or so kids. I had the sense that a number of the mothers knew one another, so perhaps it was some sort of play group. A few of the mothers seemed moderately friendly, and I had at least one in-depth conversation about the the unexpected warmth of the day, and the duration of the recent rain shower.

There were several kids close to Phoebe’s size. Phoebe was interested in watching them, but didn’t interact much with them. There was a bit of smiling with one other toddler, and another kid who tried to get Phoebe to chase him, and then another kid (or maybe the same one) who tried to play with Phoebe. At some point, a couple of kids were walking away from the play equipment down a nearby path. Phoebe started to follow, from a bit of distance. One little boy, perhaps 2 years old, turned around and walked right up to Phoebe. I thought perhaps to meet her. He reached his hand out toward her, and I thought “how cute.”

Then he pushed her over. Gave her a good solid shove, and knocked Phoebe right over. Then he said something like, “you go back there.” Phoebe sat on the ground, and didn’t make a peep. She just looked. I was behind her, so I couldn’t see her face for the whole interaction. But she seemed, more than anything, surprised. Perhaps wondering if this was a usual form of interaction.

Anyhow, the mother asked her boy to apologize, and we wandered our separate ways without further incident. We climbed some more, and went down slides, I pushed Phoebe on the swing. Then we went home.

When we got home, I told John about our park visit. What was the first thing I told him about, do you think? I’m sure you guessed it. The shove. Even though there were more pleasant interactions, and lots of fun was had, the one brief mean act stuck with me. It was the first time that I knew of where Phoebe had been subjected to a random act of meanness. And as I mentioned the incident, Phoebe watched me very intently, her eyes huge. I realized that I was reinforcing her memory of the unpleasant incident. So I talked about all the goood things we did, and the nice kids.

This sort of thing happens so often. The one bad incident overshadowing the good ones. The one rude person making more of an impression than all the largely polite ones. I remember this a lot from working in retail. In a day when I’d help 100 moderately pleasant people, a single interaction with an asshole of a customer would tarnish my whole day. (Is it just me?)

Anyhow, it was a fun visit to the park, dammit.

phoebe_sweet.jpgphoebe_grr.jpg

How do you like them apples?

Fall has fallen here in the northern hemisphere, and in my neck of the woods, this means it’s apple-picking season.¹ Which seems like as good a reason as any to pick apples for this week’s Themed Things Thursday.

  1. Apple of my eye. An expression meaning one who is most dear to the speaker.

    2. cortland_apple.jpg

  2. The Big Apple. A nickname for New York City. One source identifies its origins from usage by African-American stablehands at a New Orleans racetrack in the 1920s. (Wikipedia says it was first used by touring jazz musicians in the 1930s.)
  3. Snow White. A fairytale in which a girl falls asleep after eating a poisoned apple.
  4. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A saying suggesting that eating apples is good for the health. I found a bit on origins of the saying:

    From “Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings” by Gregory Y. Titelman (1996): “An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Eating fruit regularly keeps one healthy. First found as a Welsh folk proverb (1866)” ‘Eat an apple on going to bed,/ And you’ll keep the doctor from earning his bread.’ First attested in the United States in 1913…”

  5. Adam’s apple. A bump on the front of the neck, tending to me more prominent in adult males, from the “forward protrusion of the thyroid cartilage.” Likely nicknamed based on the Biblical story of Eve giving an apple to Adam.

    6. archibald_apple_tree.jpg

  6. Newton’s apple. A falling apple (which may or not have bonked him on the head) may or may not have contributed to Newton’s theory of universal gravitation.
  7. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. An expression meaning that the offspring will often turn out like the parent(s).
  8. Johnny Appleseed. An American folk hero famed for planting lots of apple trees.
  9. Apple Inc.² A company. Makes computers. One line of which is named after a type of apple, the macintosh. Has a logo shaped like an apple_rainbow.jpgapple_clear.jpg
    apple with a bite out of it. Has a variety of iProducts: iMac, iPod, iPhone, iCup…
  10. An apple for the teacher. An apple is known in the US as traditional gift to give to a teacher. (The fruit, not the computers. But I bet most teachers would appreciate getting an Apple.) Has (probably) led to apples showing up on greeting cards and coffee mugs as symbols of the teaching profession (along with rulers, blackboards and squid). (No wait, scratch that last one. I was just checking to see if you were still reading this.)

——–

¹ We live in an area with many apple orchards, and Phoebe even got to go apple picking with her daycare last week. I hope we’ll get to go together some time this year. Late October last year, we went to a nearby orchard that grows over 50 varieties of apples. Pick-your-own season was past, so our experience was less about apple picking than apple choosing. But it was still fun. And the apples were yummy.

² I read that Apple Inc. officially dropped “Computers” from its name earlier this year. I hadn’t even noticed.

apples_triangle.jpg

you just didn’t get it, dude

Yesterday’s Monday Mission, a project calling for posts in the form of a rejection letter, which I found to be a somewhat challenging mission. It’s not that I’m unfamiliar with rejection letters, mind you. It’s just that I couldn’t decide where to go with it. I explored multiple options. I posted the pirate one, but I also wrote another one. And not wanting to be wasteful, I’ll post it today.

Ms. Alejna, dude,

It’s a total bummer, but I gotta tell you. You didn’t get the job, man. It sucks, I know.

Your resume was, like, the awesomest. And you totally rocked the interview. We were all like, “woah, she knows her shit.”

But then there was this other dude. Or dudette, really, like yourself. And she rocked the interview even harder. Her quals weren’t as good, and for a while, we were all like, “can she even do the job?”

But then we went out for a beer, and we flipped a coin. And it was tails. Ouch, man.

It sucks to be you. And it sucks for me that I gotta be the one to tell you. Mr. Wilcox pulled a rock when I was sure he’d be all about paper, freakin’ paper pusher. And so I got stuck with it. Whatever.

Yeah, well, right. Ya know. It sucks, and all that. But if it makes you feel better, this place kinda blows sometimes.

Later,

William R. Bartholomew, III

Vice President, or Something Like That
Acme Stuff, Incorporated

unable to offer you a position at this time

Dear Mr. Rackham,

I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a position as nanny in our home at this time. While we truly appreciated your time and efforts in coming to the interview, we feel that there is not a good match between you and our family.

Both little Emma and Neil were greatly intrigued by your colorful anecdotes. When Neil admired your stylish eyepatch, it was very considerate of you to take it off to let him wear it. The empty eye socket greatly impressed both children. However, I’m sorry to report that both children have been visited by frequent nightmares since the interview.

In addition, their teachers have sent home notes expressing concern that both children have been using increased amounts of inappropriate language at school. Neil was reported to have asked the lunchlady, “what’s crawled out of th’ bung hole, me hearty wench?” while Emma allegedly made another first grader walk the plank during gym class. When queried about this, Neil simply responded “Arrrr!”, and Emma scowled and waved what appeared to be a cutlass at me in a menacing way. (If this item was a gift from you, I must stress that this is far too generousa gift for such a small girl.)

You clearly have some strong ideas about discipline, and Mr. Smith and I appreciated all of your advice. However, we feel that corporal punishment, especially using the cat-o’ nine tails, is somewhat too harsh to use with children under the age of 7. There is also the matter of personal hygiene. We had hoped that our nanny would work with us to foster a reverence for cleanliness and neatness. However, both children have been quite taken with your statement that “washin’ more than twice a year be fer lily-livered scalliwags.”

While we had only expected that you would stay for the 45 minute inteview that we find typical, it showed great initiative that you were intent on moving in with us at that time, and remarkable perserverance that you chose to camp out in our yard upon hearing that we were not yet ready to make a decision about the position. We must ask, though, that you please consider departing as soon as you can pack your trunk and retrieve your parrot.

We wish you success in your search for employment.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Jane Smith

p.s. Enclosed please find the names and address of a family on the far side of town who may be in need of a nanny.

———

This post is offered up as part of this week’s Monday Mission, which asked for posts in the from of a rejection letter. It can also be considered a follow-up post to last week’s submission of a resume.

On the topic of rejection letters, though, you should really check out this one, which is the funniest rejection letter I’ve seen.

missing Red

Those of you who know us in real life know that we once had a dog. It doesn’t quite seem right to refer to Red as just “a dog.” Because he was really part of our family for many, many years. And he was really a remarkably wonderful dog. I’ve wanted to write about him for a while now.

It’s now been 2 years since Red died, and I still miss him very much.

If you ever call us on the phone, and we can’t get to the phone, we have an answering machine. Ever since John and I started living together, in our various homes, our answering machine message was always more or less the same: You have reached [our phone number], home of John, Alejna and Red. Please leave a message. This led many who called to believe that there were three humans living in our household, and occasionally that John and I had some sort of offspring.

At some point in this house, we got voicemail for our home phone, too. I don’t remember exactly why, but it came in handy if the power went out, or if we were unable to take a call that came in on call waiting. The message for that was the same as usual: You have reached [our phone number], home of John, Alejna and Red. Please leave a message. Except during that recording, Red barked.

After Red died, I changed the answering machine message. It made me too sad to reduce the names to just the two of us, so we just got the abbreviated version. You have reached [our phone number]. Please leave a message. But I didn’t want to record over the voicemail message, the one with Red’s bark. You see, it’s the only recording that I know of with Red’s bark. I don’t know if it means more to me than it would to other people since I work with sound, collect recordings as part of my professional work. Maybe any devoted dog-owner would feel equally attached to that one bark.

For the last 2 years I’ve intended to somehow retrieve that recording, and get it onto a computer. I know that there are ways to call phone numbers from a computer, such as Skype, but these generally involve a charge for that type of service. So I put it off. And the voicemail message stays the same.

People don’t often reach our voicemail, but it happens from time to time. Sometimes you just can’t gracefully switch over when a call comes in on call waiting. But I find myself rushing to try to answer the calls, to beat the voicemail. Because I’m sure it’s unsettling for people to get this message from another era, to hear that bark from the past.