Category: silliness

I’m on Twitter now!

So many of my friends are now on Twitter that I thought I should finally jump in to see what all the brouhaha is about. Here’s a slice of what I’ve been up to so far. (Note: I’ve arranged things chronologically for you, rather than reversed like it shows on the Twitter site.)

    Hey, I’m on Twitter!
    about 13 hours ago from web
    ————–
    Look at me, I’m twittering.
    about 13 hours ago from web
    ————–
    I’m still Twittering.
    about 12 hours ago from web
    ————–
    @mrrutabagahead Try rubbing on a paste of baking soda, peanut butter and ground fenugreek.
    about 12 hours ago from web in reply to mrrutabagahead
    ————–
    @spacedudette That will certainly change the way I think about ceiling tiles.
    about 12 hours ago from web in reply to spacedudette
    ————–
    This twittering business is great.
    about 11 hours ago from web
    ————–
    I sure am glad I’m twittering. Or should I say Twittering? With a captial T?
    about 11 hours ago from web
    ————–
    So I guess we have to work with 140 characters. Really? So that doesn’t seem like all that many. I’ll have to learn to start being more bri
    about 11 hours ago from web
    ————–
    Hey! That got cut off. I guess I’ll just continue here. Where was I? Oh, right. “ef.”
    about 11 hours ago from web
    ————–
    See? I can be brief with the rest of them. Just the other day I was telling this great joke about a plumber who found a weasel stuck in hi
    about 11 hours ago from web
    ————–
    @squirrelguirrel It wouldn’t be the first time I had a restraining order taken out against me.
    about 11 hours ago from web in reply to squirrelguirrel
    ————–
    @flourpower I tried your cupcake recipe, but the olives exploded. Did I do something wrong?
    about 10 hours ago from web in reply to flourpower
    ————–
    @sheepsheep Yes!
    about 10 hours ago from web in reply to shesheep
    ————–
    @milkshaken Maybe.
    about 10 hours ago from web in reply to milkshaken
    ————–
    @spoonbender Under absolutely no circumstances.
    about 10 hours ago from web in reply to spoonbender
    ————–
    @melancholycauliflower I found that strangely arousing.
    about 10 hours ago from web in reply to melancholycauliflower
    ————–
    I’m really getting the hang of this Twittering business.
    about 10 hours ago from web
    ————–
    I sure am glad I’m Twittering.
    about 9 hours ago from web

It doesn’t get much better than that! I hope you’ll come follow me: http://twitter.com/alejna_pants

on the bridge

My ThThTh posts are falling down.¹ I’m having trouble finding enough time for blogging, at least of the variety that necessitates typing. (I’m doing a lot of reading, but little commenting or posting.) And I have a backlog of barebones drafts of these lists, but no time to flesh them out.²

Anyhow, I’ve had this bridge post under construction for a bit, and Saturday’s bridge photos seemed a good prompt to finish the job. So, here’s a ThThTh list on the bridge.

  • burn one’s bridges: create circumstances such that there’s (metaphorically) no going back.
  • Bridges of Madison County : A novel by Robert James Waller that become a runaway best-seller, and a 1995 movie based on it starring Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood.
  • burning one’s Bridges of Madison County: an expression meaning “rid one’s library of fad novels.” (Oh, fine, I just made that up.)
  • we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it: an expression meaning that plans about how to deal with a situation won’t be made until that situation arises.
  • The Billy Goats Gruff: a classic fairy tale about three goats who want to cross a bridge, and encounter a troll. Who leaves nasty comments on their blogs. (No, wait. Wrong kind of troll.)
  • water under the bridge: an expression one says of negative events when one has decided not to dwell on them.
  • “Under the Bridge,” a song by Red Hot Chili Peppers.
  • “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” a song by Simon and Garfunkel.
  • “Water Under the Bridge Over Troubled Water:” a non-existent song title.
  • bridge: part of a musical composition
  • bridge: a card game
  • bridge: a type of dental work used to fill a gap
  • bridging the gap: making a connection between ideas, or other abstract concepts
  • “London Bridge is Falling Down:” a nursery rhyme and traditional song with many verses, the first (and best known) of which is:

    London Bridge is falling down
    Falling down, falling down
    London Bridge is falling down
    My fair lady.

  • Bridge to Terabithia, a Newbery Medal-winning children’s novel by Katherine Paterson. Also a 2007 movie based on the same.
  • Bridge to Nowhere: let’s not go there.

bridge_29473_lg
Image: The New London New Bridge from The Encyclopedia Britannica, Eleventh Edition (New York: The Encyclopedia Britannica Company, 1910), via clipart etc.

¹Falling down, falling down.
²Hey, those two metaphors worked together!

greeting cards for the digital age

welcome_baby_blogBirthdays and weddings. Condolences. Friendship. Any gift shop or supermarket can offer up plenty of cards for plenty of occasions. But in this digital age, the world is serving up more and more occasions for which the greeting card market has yet to be tapped.

  • Mazel tov!
    Wishing you all the joy of your new blog!
  • Smile ;)
    You’re being cyber-stalked!
  • You are invited!
    To waste away your time on Facebook.
  • I can’t keep my hands off you!
    Thank you for being my iPhone.
  • Achoo!
    Your YouTube video’s gone viral, and that’s nothing to sneeze at!
  • My heart beats for your tweets!
    I’ll follow you anywhere.
  • You’re one in 257! (And counting.)
    I’m so glad you’re my “friend.”
  • Thinking of you in your time of loss.
    Hard drive failure sucks. Wishing you speedy data recovery.
  • Happy job hunting!
    Sorry to hear that you’ve been dooced.
  • Congratulations!
    You’ve reached your 200th Facebook Friend.
  • Bon voyage!
    Wishing you many hours of escape with your new Wii.
  • Happy Bloggiversary!
    u can haz cayk!

feed_me

This post has been brought to you on the occasion of the Monday Mission. For more greeting cards to stuff in your envelope, go visit Painted Maypole.

super bowl

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I’m quite fond of this serving bowl. It’s got this cool variegated blue glaze, with swirls of grays and blues with bits of browns and whites. (I’m sure that someone with more knowledge of pottery could tell me what it’s called.) It has a nice shape, and it’s a great size for mixing up a salad or whatnot, or serving chips at a party. It’s also dishwasher safe, which means that I don’t avoid using it. It’s beautiful and sturdy, an object that gracefully nods towards both form and function.

A woman I worked with gave it to me at a going away gathering when I left my job as assistant manager of a bookstore, before starting grad school, which was now 9 years ago. I think the occasion for the gift-giving was my civil service wedding, which was a couple of weeks or so before. It was a totally unexpected gift, as the coworker and I were more friendly acquaintances than friends. I haven’t seen her since then, but her gift became one of my favorite household items.

That bowl has become a sort of gold standard for me for gifts: an item that is both useful and aesthetically pleasing.

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moo

With Chinese New Year having brought us into the Year of the Ox, it seems a good time to bring on the bovines.

Seeing as oxen aren’t all that plentiful in the universe of things in my head, Babe aside¹, I’ve decide to round up some more plentiful bovines instead. This ThThTh brings you cows².

A herd of cow things

  1. Cows are used in the branding of several companies, such as Ben & Jerry’s (ice cream, which is a dairy product), La Vache Qui Rit/Lauging Cow cheese (more dairy products), A black and white cowhide pattern is also used for Gateway Computers, which are computers made entirely out of cheese. Or are they made out of beef?

    2. ben_and_jerrys gatewaylogo vache_qui_rit

  2. cow pie: Not anlagous to a chicken pie, this is not a beef-filled pastry.
  3. cowlick: a section of hair that grows in the wrong direction, sticking out as if licked by a cow.
  4. Vachement: a French slang adverb. Vache being the word for cow, and -ment being an adverbial suffix along the lines of -ly, vachement could be translated as “cowly.”
  5. Graceless, Aimless, Feckless and Pointless: the cows from Cold Comfort Farm (1995), one of my all time favorite movies. (Also in the novel by Sella Gibbons). Loads of other movies featuring cows, can be found at a cow-obsessed website called Bovine Bazaar.
  6. “The cow jumped over the moon”: a famous line from “Hey Diddle Diddle”

    7. cow_jump_over_moon

  7. sacred cows: Cows are holy in the Hindu religion, and are allowed to roam the streets freely in India.
  8. holy cow! An exclamation of surprise. Holy cow! That’s a lot of cows roaming the streets!
  9. “Cows,” A chorus-line inspired song off of Sandra Boynton’s album Philadelphia Chickens.
  10. Cow Parade: a large scale art project/event in which life-sized plastic cow models are painted and/or decorated as works of art and put on display. First seen in Chicago, and later in other cities around the world.
  11. Mrs. O’Leary’s cow: the cow blamed for starting the Great Chicago Fire by kicking over a lantern. She has since been cleared of the arson charges, as she didn’t really exist.
  12. Don’t have a cow, man. An expression meaning “don’t get upset.” A catchphrase used by Bart on The Simpsons.
  13. How now, brown cow? A saying used to practice the diphthong [aʊ], which is contained in each of the words.
  14. “I never saw a purple cow.”: a children’s rhyme.

    I never saw a purple cow.
    I never hope to see one.
    But I can tell you, anyhow,
    I’d rather see than be one.

  15. till the cows come home: an idiom meaning “all day long” or “for a long time.” I could list cows till the cows come home.

cow_sketched

¹ The blue ox, not the pig.
²I’ll spare you the bull, or at least the bulls, for now.

picking myself up

Dear diary,

Another day has gone by, and I’ve been overlooked yet again.

When she grabbed for me a couple of days ago, I nearly burst at the seams from excitement. But then I nearly burst at the seams when she tried me on. I guess I don’t quite fit the way I used to. Maybe I shrank in the wash. She just tossed me aside, half-way inside out. I felt so exposed.

My mother used to say “you’ll be put on one leg at a time just like everybody else.” But I always thought I could do better than that. These days, I’d settle for just being worn on one leg. Or at least to be folded up in a drawer with some dignity.

Some days, I wish I could just pick myself up off the floor.

—

So the Monday Mission for this week was to write a post in the style of a diary entry.

I used to keep journals. I wrote really often when I was 17 through 20. I still have all those books, lined up on a bookshelf next to my bed. I don’t really look at them, and certainly never read them. I largely forget their existence. But for the assignment I thought “wouldn’t it be funny to post a real journal entry?” So I went and had a look last night. I picked up a few of the journals, and flipped through them, looking for something entertaining. I tell you, I am slightly scarred from the experience. At 17, I was insecure about my looks and my self-worth, wasting time and energy dieting and suffering from unrequited affections. And I took myself way, way too seriously.

I can say that, without doubt, I like myself much more than I did back then. I wouldn’t go back for anything. I’ll take 37 over 17 any day.

I’ve never been happier to retire a piece of clothing

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
George W. Bush, August 5, 2004

In less than 12 hours, an article of clothing in our household will become instantly outmoded.

I’m talking about you, little “I already know more than the president” onesie. Yes, Phoebe wore you proudly, back when she was small enough. And sure, you would still fit Theo, size-wise. But your message, so sadly and humorously apt for far too long, will no longer be appropriate. And that deserves a celebration of extraordinary magnitude.

To send off this once-stylish article of clothing in style, I thought I’d post a few pictures from a photo shoot it had with Phoebe, back in 2006.

Photographer: Hi, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh, hi.
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Photographer: Hey, Phoebe, what’s that you’re wearing?
Phoebe: You mean this?

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Photographer: You look fabulous, dahling. Now, strike a pose.

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Photographer: Work it baby, work it. Now show me the pout.

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Photographer: Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah.
Phoebe: Can we stop this now? I’d like my lunch.
Photographer: Okay, okay. But first, tell me. Will you be happy to see a new president in office?
img_2101

Phoebe: You know it!
Photographer: Oh, yeah. Anything you’d like to say to the President as he takes his leave?
img_2111
Phoebe: Buh-bye.

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Phoebe: And don’t let the door hit you on the a…
Photographer: Phoebe!

—

This post is also doing double duty as a Monday Mission post. The assignment for this week was to post a series of photos with accompanying dialog, inspired by such posts from Wherever Ewe Go.

—

And by the way, anyone have any suggestions about what to do with this onesie?

real estate ads get personal

Looking to find that special someone? It turns out that so is the house next door.

Coming soon to a classified ad section near you: the personals meet the real estate listings.

Easy living: fully furnished apartment looking for someone to get their hands in my drawers, unpack my chest, and jump right into my bed.

Open living space: Contemporary 3-bedroom home looking for a ménage-à-trois.

Airy A-Frame: Ideal for someone who likes to play around down below, without being bothered that there’s not much going on upstairs.

Cozy space: Cramped studio with no kitchen looking for individual with few belongings who enjoys long walks on the beach and eating out.

Eclectic bungalow: Colorful and heavily accessorized home looking for someone to seek hidden treasures. The carpet doesn’t match the drapes, but may be willing to strip down to genuine hardwood floor.

Cheap rent: Flat looking for relationship with a tolerant and supportive individual willing to overlook minor structural damage, occasional leaky faucets, and baggage left over from previous occupants.

Modest cottage: Frigid home seeks like-minded individual who is willing to bundle up in lots of clothing and keep your hands off my thermostat.

Penthouse Wannabe: Upper story apartment with mind in the basement desires occupants willing to make up some good stories.

Scenic views: fishbowl-style street-level apartment with large windows and no blinds seeks exhibitionist looking to entertain neighbors.

Well built: Attractive home with impressive plumbing looking for like residents who enjoy lots of hot and steamy showers.

Closet lovers dream: Cosmopolitan metropolitan loft apartment with comfortable walk-in closets looking to be shared by a pair of “roommates.” Spacious living area is ideal for a party for when you are ready come out of the closet.

Vacation rental: Seeking short-term fun with no risk of commitment.

——

This post was inspired by this week’s Monday Mission, which sought a meaningful relationship with posts “in the style of a sales pitch for your house, from the point of view of your house.” My house didn’t have a lot to say, it turns out. But it would appear that a few other homes did.

right from the start

I have given in to the urge to put together a sort of 2008 blog recap. Following in the footsteps of Mad, Magpie, Bea and Holly, I present to you the opening sentence of each first post of the month. (Or in some cases, a sentence fragment. Because I like sentence fragments.) (And I’ve also put the post title.)(In parentheses.)(Because I like parentheses.)

What this excercise has demonstrated to me is that my posts tend to lack interesting beginnings. I’d like to say that I’ll work on getting more interesting “hooks” for my posts. However, if I were to agonize about the beginnings of my posts, I would likely collapse in a heap of debilitating self-awareness.

On the other hand, I could try starting with the right opening sentences, and then work my way from there. What my openers above clearly lack, aside from elements that might intrigue a reader, is pants.

I offer to you an alternate universe list of post openers:


    January: The moment I walked in the room, I realized that I had worn entirely the wrong pair of pants.

    February: Hell hath no fury like a woman pantsed.

    March: You would not believe the number of people who have been trying to get into my pants this week.

    April: Today I invented a novel way of wearing pants.

    May: You can tell a lot about people from their body language, or from going through the contents of their pants pockets.

    June: I can’t remember where I left my pants last night.

    July: Shakespeare knew a thing or two about writing, but from what I’ve heard, he was a bit lacking in the pants department.

    August: My love of pants may finally have gotten me in trouble with the law.

    September: Last night I found a mysterious message, a poetic missive written in an elegant hand, stuck to the seat of my pants.

    October: On beautiful Fall days like this, I sometimes gaze out the window at the leaves falling gracefully from the trees and the pants falling clumsily from the waistlines of the passersby.

    November: I’ve signed on for NaPaWriMo (National Pants Writing Month) this year, which means that every day for this whole month, I’ll be joining the ranks of those who can’t help but write about pants.

    December: Today turned out to be an unfortunate day to go outside without my pants.