Category: work

crunchy bits and squeezy bits and cranky bits

I started this post a week ago. I have a lot of drafts of posts lying around collecting dust. Seriously, I must have well over a hundred draft posts in various stages of completion. And seriously, I think they are dusty. Some of them even have cobwebs.

—

Life has been hectic again (when hasn’t it?) and I’m trying to fit all the bits and pieces together.

A large item that’s been on my mind is that I’m finally going to try to make a push to finish my degree. Sadly, I am really not all that close, even to being ABD. I finished my coursework ages ago. But coursework was the easy part, what with the structure and the regular, manageable assignments with regular, manageable deadlines. My other requirements are larger and more nebulous, with typically much fuzzier deadlines. I have this bad tendency to push off my own research until I’ve worked my way through my other obligations. The trouble is that my other obligations manage quite easily to fill up all of my available time.

Since May, Phoebe and Theo have been in childcare 5 days a week, an increase from the 3 or 4 days they had been going. This gives me more available time. In theory. In practice, there have been more weeks than not during which there was at least one holiday, vacation day, or sick day. Since May I have travelled to a conference in Chicago for work, visited my family in California, visited my in-laws in New York several times, had a short trip to New Hampshire, a visit to New York City for BlogHer, and then most recently another trip to Chicago for a funeral. My job has kept me busy with deadlines for conferences and papers, plus meetings and running subjects. Our house continues to kick my butt, with its demands for upkeep. My head has been full of concern for family and friends.

Each time I have gone back to my own research, I have had to regroup, and remind myself of what I was doing, what I’d done last, and what I was about to do. (I’m working on figuring out better systems for keeping myself on track and moving forward, but I will probably save that for another post.)

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I know that I can do better than this. I feel like I’ve just been making excuses. I used to be an effective and productive person. I’m trying to get there again, and right now it feels a lot like crunching. I’m trying to squeeze everything tighter to make room for my research. Honestly, all this compression has made me cranky.

One of the few places I can find time to squeeze is my time spent online. Since I rarely get to see friends in person, I’ve been clinging to my online world, the interactions with friends I see in blogland and on Facebook. But I have to cut back. I have started cutting back. (In the last couple of months or so, I’ve had several unhappy exchanges and experiences that have soured my online world and that has helped me pull back. Though, again with the cranky.)

Since I started blogging several years ago, I have spent a lot of my time offline (such as while I’m driving or doing laundry or dealing with other largely thoughtless tasks) thinking about my life online. Often thinking about posts I’ve read, or posts I’d like to write. I somehow need to shift my focus so that I spend that time thinking about articles I’ve read and papers I should be writing.

I’m not saying I’m going to quit blogging, but I can’t participate as much I have in the past. I probably will start leaving even fewer comments, even though I intend to keep reading posts.

I still hope to post here from time to time. Maybe even a couple of times a week if I can do so in a constrained amount of time. I hope to dust off some of the drafts that have been piling up for the past several years, and maybe I’ll still manage to get out some of the ones that have been cluttering up my head.

I’ve been sticking with Project 365, taking and posting at least one picture a day, and that will probably continue to be my main creative outlet. Taking pictures is something I can do in a few minutes if I need to, or that I can do during my time spent with Phoebe and Theo.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, but it feels like I’ve been leaving my blog hanging.


This photo doesn’t really have anything to do with anything in this post, but I like it.

don’t it make my blue eyes red

I’m back home now, in case you were wondering. I had a wonderful visit out in California with my mother, sister, brother-in-law and two adorable nephews. It was great to spend time with all of them, and to be around to help out when an extra pair of hands was needed. My mother’s art show went very well, too.

I got to spend some good bonding time with my nephews. I’m totally smitten with both of them. Diego was pretty wary of me at first (who wants company around when feeling icky?), but we had some quality time together, and by the end of my stay, he even let me get a few snuggles in. My younger nephew, Mateo, is too cute for words. He’s about 17 months old (which is 5 months younger than Theo), and a very happy little guy. I can’t wait for the 4 cousins to get together again–the last time was when Mateo was just 7 weeks old.

I have found myself frequently wishing that Massachusetts and California could somehow be neighbors. Whose idea was it to put all those big states¹ in between?

I took the red-eye back home on Thursday night, arriving Friday morning. I don’t know why I ever expect to get anything like a reasonable amount of sleep on those flights. The flight from West to East Coast is barely over 5 hours, and it’s not like you can actually easily sleep the whole 5 hours. (Well, not without fairly extreme measures.) I think I managed at most 2 hours. My flight arrived around 7:00, and I’m quite sure my eyes were nice and red. After getting some breakfast at the airport to kill a bit of time (despite my stomach’s insistance that 4 am was no time for breakfast), I took an airport bus out to near John’s office where he was able to meet me. (I’d taken the train in to work and the airport on my way out, but the train schedule didn’t mesh well with John’s work schedule for Friday for him to pick me up at the train station.) I then spent several hours hanging out zombie-like in John’s office, and even curled up in a ball on his office floor getting a couple more hours of sleep.

It was also wonderful to be reunited with Phoebe and Theo, of course, later that afternoon. John dropped me off at home, and then picked them up from their daycare and preschool to bring home to me. I got tackled in the best sort of way.

The last few days have been a blur as I’ve struggled to re-adjust to this time zone.

And now I’m heading into another work crunch time. There’s another conference coming up in just over 2 weeks, and my research group has a poster in it. I haven’t committed to going to the conference myself, and so I don’t have to go. However, it’s a conference I’d really like to go to, as it looks like a fantastic program. The trouble is, it’s in Albuquerque, which is awkward to reach from Boston. (There are no non-stops, and the schedules are tricky. There might be another red-eye involved.³) Plus it would mean leaving John alone with the kids again–for the third time in three months. Ack! Is that considered spouse abuse? Right now, I’m feeling just too tired to take on another big trip, but perhaps in the next few days I’ll feel differently.

In any case, I have a lot of work to do for the poster for the conference, and other work-related projects involving staring at my computer. Eye strain, here I come!⁴

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¹ Big red states.²

² Red like my sad weepy eyes.

³ Here I am, talking about all this flying around the country, and you probably are wondering about my stated goals of trying to cut down on my petroleum habit. Yes, I realize that I have a problem. But I’m also still working on my plans to address the problem, and the post wherein I will bore you with those details.

⁴ I figured I should keep up the red-eyed theme.

a few recording tech relics (photohunt)

This week’s PhotoHunt theme is “technology.” After my recent rush of bread–related posts, some of you might be expecting me to post a bread machine. (Clearly, the thought did cross my mind.) Instead, I’ll take the opportunity to post a few photos of some fairly old-school recording equipment.

I work in a phonetics lab, and these days, most of our recording is done using a laptop, a microphone, and a fairly compact pre-amplifier. However, it wasn’t so long ago that people used a more elaborate (and bulky) set-up to make high-quality recordings. For a variety of reasons, part of the lab was dismantled last month, including a recording room that had been in use for decades. While I still had the chance, I felt compelled to bring in my camera and get a few photos of the fairly vintage equipment. (I think many of these pieces are a good 30 or more years old.)

For more people’s photographic interpretations of the theme, pop over to tnchick.

Monday momentum

scurrying2

This task was completed as part of the Monday Missions. This week’s assignment was to post in the form of a tanga or a nonnet. Like Painted Maypole, the illustrious MM taskmaster herself, I put together a tanka tanga. And like Painted, I’m also hoping I’ll get around to trying my hand at the nonnet.

vacation daze

I’m not on vacation, mind you. But I’m in a hazy daze of planning for one. Do you remember how I managed to submit an abstract back in March, after a frenzied push to get one finished during our trip to Texas and California? Well, I confess that I have been sitting on some news for a few months. My abstract was accepted for a poster presentation. The other abstract my research group submitted was also accepted. So, I’ll be going to a conference next month. Which is in Barcelona.

Woohoo!

I’m terribly excited about the trip. I’ve never been to Spain before. The whole family is going, and my mother will be joining us as well. We’ll be staying in Barcelona for a week, and then heading down to Sevilla. I’m thrilled that I will get to meet the fantabulous azahar in person, and finally get a taste of some of Sevilla’s famous tapas.

There is a huge amount of stuff yet to do. It’s amazing how much stuff you have to consider, especially when travelling with small children. I’ve been mired in looking rental apartment options and ground transportaiton options and air options. I’ve been doing quite a bit of research.

Research.

Oh, right. Research. There’s also that conference business. Which means I have a lot of work to do with my own research. Because I probably wouldn’t make the best impression if I presented a comparison of Sevilla apartments with roof terraces vs. those with wifi vs. those with a free crib available.

driving home

So, um, yeah. I have another bad driver’s license photo.

I didn’t end up going to the RMV on Wednesday, and went this morning before John had to go to a meeting. I wasn’t sure there would be time, but I thought I should give it a try. In the end, my number got called just at the point that I’d determined would be the latest time I could wait before heading back home. The transaction went fine, except I had trouble getting a decent signature with that stupid plastic fake pen dealy. By the time it was time for my photo, I just really needed to get out of there. I went with the first photo. I look bedraggled, disheveled, and weary.

In other words, just how I felt.

I guess I’ve been feeling rather run down. I just hadn’t really realized how much. I’ve been falling asleep while working at night and waking up bone tired in the morning, I’ve been so fatigued the past few weeks that I was actually convincing myself that I must be pregnant. The last few days had me practically at the point where I was choosing names for the twins (as surely it must be twins).

But I’m not pregnant. I’m just really damn tired.

Yesterday was a particularly tiring (and trying) day, with rushing around and a long commute and meetings, and trying (not all that successfully) to fit in pumping. I ended up getting stuck in traffic, being late to meet with the friend who was kind enough to be my subject, late to my scheduled lab meeting, getting a parking ticket, rushing out of my meeting, and having a really long uncomfortable drive back to pick up Phoebe and Theo from daycare. And I was late for that, too.

So today, I should have probably just taken it easy instead of rushing around some more. And now I’m stuck with another awful photo for up to ten years. I was amused when I left the RMV with my new temporary license, and drove home feeling mildly victorious for having gotten that dealt with.

But by the time I got home, I was hating the photo, and feeling like crap. I’m actually pretty comfortable with my looks in general. I mean, I’m not thrilled with them all the time, but my appearance is just not all that important to me. Until I see a bad photo, that is. And it reminds me that I haven’t managed to get my hair cut in over a year, and that I’m tired and busy and rushing all the time and that most of my clothes don’t fit me all that well. It reminds me of how little time I have to take care of my own needs, let alone my appearance.

Nothing like a bad photo to drive all of that home.

file under d for distraction

Yes, I admit it. This post is an attempt to distract you from the recent utter lack of content here. But look! A baby!

theo_file_cabinets
File under c for cute. Or would that be b for baby?

I brought Theo into work for a meeting. Here we are in the little library of the lab where I work.

theo_and_mommy
Theo, Mommy, and lots of old issues of JASA.

As you can see, having a baby along with me can sometimes be a distraction from work.

In related news, I’ve made some progress towards starting Theo in daycare. He starts Tuesday. I’m still trying to process that information. (And maybe file it. Under p for progress? Or maybe p for pants. Just because.)

finding a way to volunteer with my hands full

A little over a year ago, Jen and Mad celebrated their first anniversary of social justice marriage, and a year of encouraging online activism in a little corner of the blogosphere with the Just Posts. As part of that celebration, they asked for Just Post participants to consider giving a gift: to take our activism beyond the online world, and to commit to volunteerism. In the real world. I scribbled a hasty I-owe-you of a post, promising to them (and to myself) that I would write more about my past volunteer work, and to find a way to do more volunteer work.

I’m ashamed to say that I have made no substantial progress in that area since that post. My main excuse has been overload. At the time I was teaching a class, trying to plow forward with my research job and degree-related projects, and suffering from first trimester morning sickness. Since then, I was busier than ever getting ready for conferences, traveling, and trying to move forward with my degree before my impending due date. Then I was busy with parenting a newborn and a toddler, while still trying to keep a foot in my research job.

I really want to do volunteer work, but I haven’t found the time or energy.

Theo will soon start daycare, and I will then need to work harder at making up hours I owe from my not-quite-maternity-leave stretch. With two children in daycare, the costs of childcare and occasional commuting to my job will probably just about equal my net income from my graduate stipend. John is super busy with his work, and already putting in long hours at parenting as it is. We can’t reasonably take time away from his work time or mine for me to have a few child-free hours to put into volunteering.

But I have an idea.

My hope is that I can find meaningful volunteer work where I can bring along Phoebe and Theo. I would like them to grow up with the acceptance of service as being a normal part of life, and including them seems a good way to further that goal.

So, my plan is to start investigating ways that I can volunteer with a baby and toddler in tow. I am very much open to suggestions, and would love to hear from any who have experience doing such things. Jen has inspired me on many occasions with her mentions of bringing her daughter M along with her to work in homeless shelters. Holly wrote about the doors opened for her in her research on public health by bringing along her small children.

My past volunteer work with resettled refugees was very important to me. I signed on as an ESL tutor, with goals of gaining experience that might be applicable to my studies and career. What I found, though, was that I was often able to help in more ways that just helping with language: I helped negotiate bureaucracy, helped interpret bills and other notices that came in the mail, and answered questions about life in the US.

It has occurred to me that many refugee (and other immigrant) families also have small children. I love the idea of getting together with such a family to help with their English or otherwise provide insight into US culture, and having Phoebe and Theo along with me to play with and get to know young kids from another culture. I’m hoping to find an organization that will be amenable to such an arrangement.

My next step is to start contacting some groups. I’ve identified two or three that I’ll try, and I plan to send some emails. I’ll try to have an update of my progress next month.

nothing like coming home to a clean house

There’s nothing quite like coming home to a clean house, especially after a long and exhausting trip. Walking in to see a clean kitchen, tidy living room, and lots of clear surfaces instantly takes away much of the stress of the journey.

Our own homecoming was nothing like this.

Our house still showed all the evidence of our pre-trip chaos. Living room floor covered in toys, piles of clothes on the couch that were rejected candidates for taking on the trip, a heap of dirty laundry in the laundry room, kitchen counters covered in our usual clutter.

We pulled into our driveway at about 1:30 last night (or this morning). In all, it was about 13 hours door to door, with barely a moment to relax. The flights went quite well, but it took a lot of energy to keep the little ones entertained (or at least contained).

But we’re home! We had a great trip. The traveling part was a challenge, as you might imagine. Even though most everything went smoothly over the 3 travel days, 3 trips through security and 4 flights. No missed or cancelled flights, no lost luggage, no run-ins with TSA. Not even any major tantrums. (Well, maybe John and I came close when a family of 8 cut us off in the security line at Houston, jumping into the gap when the family ahead of us moved through, and before John could slide our things down the table. They said we “didn’t look ready.” So we had to wait for all of them to take off shoes and coats, etc.)

We had a wonderful visit with my family in California, and it was great to see all 4 cousins together for the first time. The days were quite full of baby care and toddler-wrangling, but we did manage a few outings and festivities. Which were themselves quite full of baby care and toddler-wrangling. The visit in Texas before that was also good, we enjoyed ourselves at the wedding, and got to spend some nice time with various members of John’s family.

I also managed to submit that abstract that was due on Sunday. I was working on the project just about every “free” chunk of time I could find for the last few weeks, even to the point of coding and analyzing data with a baby attached to me. Thanks to the help and understanding of my family, I was able to hole myself up in my sister’s office for a few uninterrupted hours to make the last critical push to get the abstract revised and sent in. I also owe thanks to some of my friends who acted as subjects, under rather unusual circumstances, as I had Theo with me. And to John, who encouraged me to keep trying, when I could very easily have been convinced to give up. Thank you!

In all, my days and nights have been very full for the last few weeks.