Month: December 2006

last minute gift ideas for folks who have everything

Running out of time for holiday shopping? Tired of spending lots of money on wasteful gifts that people don’t need? Here are some creative, thrifty and useful last-minute gift ideas that anyone can put together. Enjoy!

  • Everyone loves holiday treats! Cakes, candies, cookies and the seasonal favorite, fruitcake. Chances are, Aunt Martha will already have eaten too much of these. So how about giving her a festive jar of antacids? Mix up a variety of Tums, Rolaids, perhaps some chewable Pepto-Bismol. Use that tree-shaped jar you got candy in from your coworker.
  • Out of ideas for the in-laws? Consider a bouquet of toothbrushes, toothpicks, toothpaste and of course, floss. Get some of that green foamy stuff they use for floral centerpieces and shove some stuff in. Voila! An attractive array that will brighten up those smiles.
  • Show your loved ones you care! Give some support for the tough months of the cold and flu season. Dad won’t sneeze at his gift basket featuring a box of Kleenex (make sure they’re not used!), a package of decongestant and some cough drops. If you’re feeling particularly generous, throw in a couple bottles of Nyquil, one red and one green. So festive!
  • Why go for the pricey perfume? Your sister will surely appreciate other scented options just as much. Go for the improve-your-smell assortment. Breath mints, underarm deodorants and room deodorizers. And what could say Christmas more than the little tree-shaped car air freshener?
  • Uncle Bill will surely appreciate a new pair of rubber gloves, a scrub brush and some dish detergent. Worried he won’t have a use for them right away? Include a used coffee mug. (That one with the kitten in a santa hat you got from your office secret santa will be just the thing!)
  • You know how people package up pretty little kits to make cookies, smores or other desserts? Instead, offer Mom a do-it-yourself set for a traditional delight that will surely make her nostalgic: grilled cheese! A loaf of bread, a stick of butter, and a package of American cheese. (Nothing says “I love you” like individually wrapped slices of pasteurized processed cheese food!) For an extra finished look, place these items in that big tin with the ice-skating teddy bears that you got cookies in last year. (Shake out the crumbs, though. You don’t want to be tacky.)
  • Jingle bells. Singing chipmunks. Bing. Nothing says holiday cheer more than those old standard Christmas tunes. That we get to hear again and again. And again. What better way to help than to give the gift of pain relief? Advil. Stick a bow on it.
  • And finally, what do you do when you realize last minute that there’s one more person you forgot to buy for? Give the gift guaranteed to be regifted: wrapping paper! Gift wrap up those last remnants of gift wrap and bows. As an extra bonus, you won’t need to put your gift wrap away. It’s all taken care of!

    • Flashback episode

    Remember that time when I wrote about needing to finish my paper? And then I wrote about how I finished it? That was so cool. And then there was that time when I wrote I was going to write about kick-ass women movies and stuff, and then I wrote some lists about kick-ass women movies? And then I wrote my fourth list like that? And remember that time when Fonzie jumped the shark?

    I just realized. I’ve now been blogging here for 1 month. So I thought it would be a good chance to reflect on what I’ve done. In the spirit of the clip show. Or maybe I’ll just reflect on clip shows.

    Clip shows are a longstanding TV tradition. And one that’s likely to continue. Sadly.

    And they really don’t work when you buy a DVD box set and watch episodes basically back-to-back. For instance, I recently discovered Alias, a fun show with a great kick-ass woman protagonist. We bought the first season on DVD, and proceeded to work our way through the discs in rapid succession. And then towards the end of the season, we got to the clip show. In the great tradition of a wafer-thin pretense to show some clips, the episode was “cleverly” set up as an interview between a government interrogator and the main character:

    Interrogator: You’ve been working for a dangerous really, really bad organzation pretending to be the good guys. You claim that you didn’t know. Why should we believe you?

    Agent Sydney Bristow: In my defense, check out these clips. [Some clips are aired.]

    Interrogator: I see that you wore a number of different disguises.

    Agent Sydney Bristow: Yes, that’s true. Many of them involving wigs. And look at these additional clips. [More clips.]

    Interrogator: Wow. You sure used a lot of neato gadgets. Plus you spoke in different accents. I’m convinced.

    It’s kinda hard to get nostalgic for episodes that you just saw within the last few days…On the other hand, my favorite clip show/flashback episode of all time is the second episode of Clerks, the animated series. (Yes, the second episode. Which includes flashbacks from the all the previous episodes.)

    Hey, remember that time when I wrote about clip shows? That was awesome.

    Another 9 kick-ass women movies

    Here’s another installment in my endeavor to catalogue, critique, and otherwise classify movies, shows and other media that prominently feature kick-ass women. This is my fourth list of movies. The first three lists contained more of my all-time favorite movies (or at least those movies I know better), but this list still includes some great movies (or at least some movies that have great kick-ass women roles). At some point soon, the lists will be moving into the following territories:

    A pre-list list of upcoming lists:

    • Movies that I hear are good, which appear to have very kick-ass women, but which I have (shamefully) not yet seen
    • Movies in which there are some great kick-ass women, though with roles that are less central
    • Movies with kick-ass women where either the characters or the movies themselves were disappointing (or just plain awful)
    • Movies that I haven’t seen, but heard or suspect are crap, but which I should probably still see anyhow.
    • TV shows! I’m happy to say that TV has many more kick-ass women characters than in the days when Cathy Gale and Emma Peel first fought their way onto the small screen. I’ll likely start with my favorites.

    And then at some point, my plan is to devise a rating scheme whereby I can actually rank the movies, shows and kick-ass women characters.

    Okay, onto the real list. Like the previous lists, these movies will be ordered chronologically.

    Another 9 kick-ass women movies

    1. A View to a Kill (1985)
      Grace Jones (Mayday) played an atypical “Bond Girl” role in this one. Not restricted to the role of pillowy soft femininity to bolster the masculinity of Bond.
    2. La Femme Nikita/Nikita (1990)
      This is an important movie that probably should have appeared on one of my earlier lists. Anyhow, a great movie, and a great role. Anne Parillaud kicks ass in style. And in French. Perhaps even in French style.
    3. Thelma & Louise (1991)
      This is more about kick-ass strength of character than ass-kicking action, but this movie is still a classic of the kick-ass women genre. Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon take no prisoners.
    4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
      It’s not the amazingly great TV show, but still fun. Kristy Swanson’s portrayal of Buffy is still worthy of being labelled kick-ass.
    5. League of Their Own (1992)
      I’m not generally a big fan of sports movies, but this one is worth mentioning, especially since it’s based on some real-life women who kicked ass, in their way.
    6. Iron Monkey/ Siu nin Wong Fei Hung ji Tit Ma Lau (1993)
      Jean Wang plays a supporting role, but holds her own and kicks ass along with Donnie Yen. This movie also scores extra points because the kick-ass young boy in the movie was actually played by a kick-ass young girl. And it’s a great martial arts movie, overall.
    7. Supercop 2/Chao ji ji hua (1993)
      It may be pretty clear that I am a big fan of Michelle Yeoh. In this one, she reprises her role from Supercop (the one with Jackie Chan). It wasn’t a super movie, but it did have some super ass-kicking scenes.
    8. X-Men (2000)
      While this movie gets points for having women superheroes, I actually found the X-Women to be a wee bit wimpy. Especially in the fight scenes–they only kick moderate ass. On the other hand, Rebecca Romijn as Mystique counterbalances with a more impressive display of ass-kicking, and is menacing to boot.
    9. Mrs. & Mrs. smith (2005)
      I can’t say I loved this movie, but I did appreciate the kick-assedness of Angelina Jolie’s character.

    Fait accompli: incomplete complete

    At least, I hope it’s complete. I’m happy to say that I have turned in my paper for my damn incomplete. My professor had set my new deadline as December 15th, and remarkably, I sent in the paper this evening. Over an hour ago. On the 14th. A whole day early. That is, in itself, a newsworthy event.

    My paper was for a Field Methods class I took last fall. Looking at Palestinian Arabic. I looked at intonation. And funny thing, Palestinian Arabic intonation looks shockingly similar to English intonation. Who’d a thunk it? (There’s the short version of my paper.)

    This is not about “ass”

    As may be painfully obvious to me some day as I look back on these early posts, I am new to blogging. Today, I’ve learned an interesting lesson.

    It turns out, Technorati has something to learn about compound words, and perhaps about metaphorical usage. You see, a compound does not necessarily equal the sum of its composite elements. Someone writing about, say, the Whitehouse is not talking about the color white and houses. We all know that.

    I’ve recently been writing posts about women (real-life and fictional characters) in film, TV and other entertainment industries whom I have admired. I feel that these women “kick ass,” in the metaphorical sense. I have been terming such women “kick-ass women.” A compound with a hyphen. Much like “dog-ear.” An expression, which I’m sure you know, refers neither to dogs, nor to ears. To dog-ear a book is to fold down the corner of a page (or pages) of a book to mark your place. You see, it’s a compound term, as well as a metaphor. While there may be some visual resemblance to the floppy ears of a doggy, we’re not talking dogs, and we’re certainly not talking ears.

    Anyhow, I just pinged Technorati last night, after discovering that my blog wasn’t getting hit by their search engine. And I have 3 new hits for the Technorati tag “ass.”

    In a way, it kind of amuses me that folks looking for porn will stumble across my site. ‘Cause they’re not gonna find any here. Of course, now someone will probably find this post by searching for keywords “ass” and “porn.” I’m screwed. Oh right, let’s add “screwed” to the mix. Perhaps with all this talk of compounding, we’ll even get “pounding” thrown into the mix. Oh right, we will now. (Oh crap, I just realized I’ve also used the word “doggy.” Nooo!)

    9 more kick-ass women movies

    Here is the next installment of my compilation of lists of movies and shows prominently featuring kick-ass women. (The first two have more of my all-time favorites, but this list still has a bunch of great movies where the women have great kick-ass roles.)

    9 more kick-ass women movies

    1. Peking Opera Blues/Do ma daan (1986)
      Brigitte Lin, Cherie Chung, Sally Yeh in 1920’s China. I don’t actually remember too much about this movie just now, but I do remember that I enjoyed it. (An added bonus was the entertaining subtitles, with lines like “you see the uppest window…”) I look forward to watching this one again.
    2. Batman Returns (1992)
      Even though she’s no Eartha Kitt, I actually really like Michelle Pfeiffer in her role as Catwoman. (The rest of the movie is so-so, though I appreciate Tim Burton’s style.)
    3. Bride with White Hair/Bai fa mo nu zhuan (1993)
      Brigitte Lin stars in this beautiful Hong Kong fantasy. Lots of swordplay.
    4. Heroic Trio/Dung fong saam hap (1993) Maggie Cheung, Anita Mui, Michelle Yeoh kick ass in gloriously dark Hong Kong style.
    5. The Replacement Killers (1998)
      Mira Sorvino was great in this movie. Too bad she doesn’t do more action movie roles.
    6. Hero/Ying xiong (2002)
      Maggie Cheung and Ziyi Zhang show some impressive martial arts skills in this interesting, complex, and beautifully made film.
    7. X2/X-men 2 (2003)
      While the first X-men movie will make it onto a list at some point, I actually thought the women made a better showing in the second movie. Halle Berry (Storm) and Famke Janssen (Jean Grey) do a decent job of kicking ass. Rebecca Romijn (Mystique) does a better one.
    8. Kill Bill, Volume 2 (2004)
      The first one is already on an earlier list, but this one deserves mention also. Uma kicks ass reasonably well in this one, too. There is not quite so much action as in the first, but I do like the homage to the Hong Kong cinema martial arts training tradition. (Hmm. Hong Kong cinema martial arts training tradition. There’s a long compound for you.)
    9. The Incredibles (2004)
      Elastigirl (voiced by Holly Hunter) makes a decent show of it in this fun Pixar production.

    brains stuck in my head

    I have a song stuck in my head. (Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall..) Really stuck in my head. (Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?) It’s going on days now. The current soundtrack playing in my brain is “re: your brains” by Jonathan Coulton. It’s a perky, catchy little song told from the perspective of an office worker proactively proposing a workplan by which he hopes to achieve his vision, should the negotiations conclude favorably, of eating the brains of his coworker. (Things have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now.) It’s how one might imagine a merger of Shaun of the Dead with Office Space. I particularly like this bit:

    I’ve got another meeting Tom, maybe we could wrap it up
    I know we’ll get to common ground somehow
    Meanwhile I’ll report back to my colleagues who were chewing on the doors
    I guess we’ll table this for now
    I’m glad to see you take constructive criticism well
    Thank you for your time I know we’re all busy as hell
    And we’ll put this thing to bed
    When I bash your head open

    And this bit, which uses the corporate definition of compromise, meaning “let’s figure out a solution in our mutual best interests whereby you agree to do what I want:”

    We’re at an impasse here
    Maybe we should compromise
    If you open the doors
    we’ll all come inside and eat your brains

    A bunch of folks have made videos for it, which you can watch/listen on YouTube. (These are just a few of them…) (By the way, I cannot be held responsible if you also get this song stuck in your head. Follow these links at your own risk):

    • This is the first one I saw. It’s a computer-game style video, with a sort of mideval looking style. (Not the contemporary cubicle-world vision I have).
    • I like this one better, which uses a bunch of movie clips.
    • This other one uses anime, and is pretty cool.
    • There’s also this version of Jonathan Coulton playing in a club.

    I think a PowerPoint presentation of would make an appropriate medium for a video. Anyone want to make one?

    While I quite like the song, I do hope I get it out of my head soon. It’s like to drive me bonkers.

    I generally recover from situations like this, where a song gets stuck in my head for days. But there have been a couple of instances that have left scars. My mind shies away from even the thought of listening to them. I was once tormented by the song Peaches, by the Presidents of the United States, which got stuck in my head for days around the time I worked an all-night inventory in a bookstore. The memory of the song and the bleary-eyed hungover feel of the messed-up sleep schedule are forever linked. The song “Oh yeah” by Yellow (as featured in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) is another one that nearly killed me. And that one doesn’t even have lyrics. (Womp, womp…chktchktkkaawww…)

    time warped

    I seem to be having trouble accurately perceiving the passage of time lately. Just a couple of weeks ago (or perhaps it was months), I was in a meeting at work. We were discussing the agenda for the day, and various upcoming scheduled events of the day. I looked at my watch. (A normal thing to do when talking about times.) However, my watch did not have the answers I sought. While it is quite a nice watch, with hands and numbers and well-crafted internal mechanisms, it had not been wound, nor the time changed, since some time in February. It was, in fact, the first time I had managed to wear my watch in many months. It seemed like a great accomplishment, a step towards recapturing the structure of my previous life. When I grabbed my watch, in a fit of inspiration, I figured I would “get around” to setting the time before heading to work. Well, hours passed (I presume), and there I was, sitting in a meeting looking at watch that reflected the time of some moment from my past. A metaphor perhaps?

    Time has been racing by like you would not believe. (Just now, since writing that first paragraph, I’m pretty sure I lost at least half a day.) There have been a number of times when I’ve thought “I should respond to that email from [insert name here] that I received a couple days ago.” When I actually then dig up said email in my inbox, it is often weeks or even months since I received it. Yes, send me an email, and I will get back to you right away. Within the year.

    And then there was this whole bizarre time warp I experienced shortly after my daughter was born. The first few weeks absolutely crawled by. Every day felt like a week. It was a haze of feeding and comforting (lots of bouncing) with not much sleep or much of anything else. And then at some point, vroom, time took off. The first 6 weeks and the subsequent 6 months seem of approximately equal duration in my mind.

    So now, in spite of looming deadlines (the damn Incomplete is due next week), I am compelled to put together a small collection of stories (TV episodes, movies and more) reflecting my sense of the world passing me by.

    Movies, shows and other stories of warped time:

    These further seem to group into 3 main chunks.

    1. I overslept.
    Comas and long naps. In the tradition of Rip Van Winkle and Sleeping Beauty. (Wikipedia has some great lists of other takes on these tales.)

    • Dead Zone (book, movie, TV show)
      A guy wakes up from a coma. Has special powers. (Where are my special powers?)
    • Kill Bill, volume 1 (2003)
      Woman wakes up from a coma. Pissed off.
    • Bear Snores On
      This is a book I read to my daughter. Bear in hibernation misses out on a party.

    2. I was a popsicle.
    Things in the tradition of Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

    • Forever Young (1992)
      I’m not actually sure I saw this whole movie. Mel freezes, Mel melts.
    • Late for Dinner (1991)
      Only vaguely remember this one, too. I seem to remember it was cute. Had Peter Gallagher. (Strange, he was in another coma movie.)
    • Futurama (1999-??)
      The whole premise of the show. Fry freezes, unfreezes.
    • Austin Powers (1997)
      You know this one.

    3. I lost track of time.
    Miscellaneous time warps.

    • Blast from the past (1999)
      Brendan Fraser grows up in a bomb shelter, and emerges decades later in complete ignorance of the progress of time.
    • Buffy, season 6 “Smashed” (2001)
      Having been a rat for several years, Amy comments: “I felt like I was in that cage for weeks.”
    • Buffy, season 6 “Life Serial” (2001)
      I’m thinking of the part of the episode where Buffy is taken out of time, and what seem like seconds to her translate to hours for the rest of the world.
    • Stargate, season 2 “A Matter of Time” (1999)
      A black hole messes up the passage of time.
    • She’s had a baby (2006) A grad student suffers from baby-induced time warping, and falls even further behind in her school and work obligations by blogging rather than doing things she’s supposed to be doing.

    More of my favorite kick-ass women movies

    Here is list two of the long-anticipated project on which I’ve finally embarked: to catalog (review, rate, rank and otherwise write about) movies and TV shows that prominently feature kick-ass women.

    The following movies are (again) listed in order of appearance (i.e. chronologically) and are not intended to reflect a ranking of my favorites. (Though I would say that my first list contains more of my overall favorites than this list.)

    9 more of Alejna’s favorite kick-ass women movies

    1. Silence of the Lambs (1991)
      Everybody knows this one. Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) kicks ass by keeping her wits about her.
    2. Terminator 2 (1991)
      I particularly like the transformation of Linda Hamilton’s character from the first movie. Sadly, I can barely stomach watching this now due to my loathing of Arnold. (I’m partial to definition 3 on that link, if you decide to follow it.)
    3. Wing Chun/Yong Chun (1994)
      Michelle Yeoh serves up bean curd and ass-kicking in this historic costume drama.
    4. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
      Calling Michelle Yeoh a Bond Girl doesn’t do her justice. She could so kick Pierce Brosnan’s skinny ass. (I don’t buy her need of rescuing at the end.)
    5. Mulan (1998)
      Not Disney’s typical I-need-a-man (to borrow a term from a friend) animated fare.
    6. Run Lola Run/Lola Rennt (1998)
      Franka Potente runs to the rescue, and runs and runs.
    7. The Matrix (1999)
      Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) kicks ass through most of the movie, but I have issues with the way she turns into a puddle of goo over Keanu.
    8. Mystery Men (1999)
      Janeane Garofalo doesn’t have as big of role as I’d like, but she kicks ass in so many ways, I had to have her on a list soon. Plus, the movie is just so much fun.
    9. Charlie’s Angels (2000)
      Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu get extra points for having done intensive martial arts training for this movie, and doing their own stunts. Plus I appreciate the tongue-in-cheek tone.