Category: lists

the pants of our discontent

Summer is here, at least for those of us up on this side of the equator. Summer signals a range of things. Picnics and barbecues. Trips to the beach and dips in the pool. Berry picking. Hotter temperatures. Longer days. Shorter pants.

And in some places, as Mad reminds, Shakespeare festivals.

While the bard himself may have covered his esteemed rear end with garments cut of another fashion, he no doubt would have come to love pants had he lived in our day and age. We can only imagine the great things that Shakespeare might have written had he lived in an age of pants.¹

Without further ado, and with all due respect, I offer to you a glimpse of some pants that might have been.²

Shakespeare’s Pants

  • How poor are they that have not pants!
    Iago, Othello (II, iii, 376-379)
  • We are such stuff as pants are made on
    Prospero, The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158
  • Frailty, thy name is pants!
    Hamlet, Hamlet Act 1, scene 2, 142–146
  • The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
    But in our pants, that we are underlings.
    Cassius, Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)
  • Love looks not with the eyes but with the pants.
    Helena, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (I, i, 234)
  • Out, damn’d pants! out, I say!
    Lady Macbeth, Macbeth Act 5, scene 1, 26–40
  • A plague a’ both your pants!
    Mercutio, Romeo And Juliet Act 3, scene 1, 90–92
  • A soothsayer bids you beware the pants of March.
    Brutus, Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 15–19
  • Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with pants.
    Hero, Much Ado About Nothing (III, i, 106)
  • Be not afraid of pants
    Malvolio, Twelfth Night (II, v, 156-159)
  • And thus I clothe my naked villany
    With odd old pants stol’n out of holy writ
    Richard, King Richard III (I, iii, 336-338)
  • Give me my pants, put on my crown
    Cleopatra, Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282-283)
  • My pants fly up, my thoughts remain below.
    King, Hamlet (III, iii, 100-103)
  • Something is rotten in the pants of Denmark.
    Marcellus, Hamlet Act 1, scene 4, 87–91
  • There are more pants in heaven and earth, Horatio,
    Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
    Hamlet, Hamlet Act 1, scene 5, 159–167

    • Quotes, or at least the pants-less versions of them, harvested from this site.

    —————
    ¹ And had he been an utter loon.

    ² It’s been a long time since I’ve shared my pants with you. Truth is, I’ve been sitting on these pants for many months.

    where I’ve been, where I am, where I’m going to be

    I’ve been feeling a bit guilty about my frequent online absences again. I have lots to write about, but…you know the drill. I’ve been reading blogs, but once again, rarely can find the time/energy/coherence to comment. I’m sorry if I haven’t appeared to visit lately. I’m still visiting, just stealthily. I get dressed up in a ninja costume and everything.

    In case anyone is wondering, here’s what I’m up to these days:

  • We just got back last night from a weekend trip to my in-laws. The way down was harrowing. It’s usually 3 and half to 4 hours, but took 6 due to traffic. Phoebe was awake for the first 5 of those. The visit was good, but (as always) led to very little time to even think.
  • I’m heading to California in less than 48 hours for a family reunion in honor of my mother’s 70th birthday. (This will make the third long trip by air in less than 2 months. Yes, that is too much.) I’m excited about the trip, but I know it will be tiring, too. I also have to find some time to do a few party-related tasks I’ve signed up for. (Right now, for example, a box of photos sits beside me on the couch, demanding some sort of action to become an album or slide show.)
  • I would have liked to have taken it easy today, but my day was pretty scheduled. Mondays I take Phoebe to her early intervention play group and one-on-one meeting. Phoebe loves going, and I hate for us to miss a day. Especially as we’re going to get booted out in a few weeks due to Phoebe’s delinquent and criminal tendencies. No, wait. Due to her startlingly rapid progress in expressive language.
  • Then I have my violin lesson Monday afternoons. I usually try to do some stuff (and practice the violin) before my lesson, but today I could only manage to nap. This probably had mixed results on my performance during the lesson, but was likely the better choice for my health and sanity.
  • Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning after I take Phoebe to daycare. Doctor’s visits are becoming more frequent now.
  • Then I drive to Boston for a work meeting. I’m hoping to make some progress on designing an experiment before the meeting. Which means tonight.
  • Work deadlines have still been pressing. I’m feeling a bit panicky about reaching my own academic goals before my impending “confinement.” I’d really hoped not to be working frantically right up to my labor. My goals of getting to ABD (all but dissertation) by mid-July have already been adjusted somewhat, but I haven’t quite decided how.
  • Which reminds me. I’m not quite sure when I’ll be finishing this here degree I’ve been working towards, though I still intend to finish. It’s pretty common for people to ask when I expect to be done. Lately, I’ve had this answer: “I’m expecting further delay.” I think that has a nice ring to it. Maybe the little guy will end up being named Further Delay.

    • having my cake

    I got to have me some cake this week.¹ I ate it, too. And this cake-having inspired me to think about cake. So I’ll be serving up a list of cake-oriented things for this week’s ThThTh.

    Bon appétit!

    A Cake List

    1. Cakes are used for lots of holidays and celebratory events in many cultures. Some examples include birthday cakes, going away cakes at office parties, French bûches de Noël or German stollen at Christmas. Also…
    2. Wedding cakes. Usually elaborately decorated multi-tiered cakes meant to serve all the guests at a wedding. They can be quite tall, and easily knocked over or smashed for comedic effect in movies or sitcoms.
    3. stripper in a cake. A tradition (if it really happens outside of TV and movies) of having an exotic dancer jump out of a large cake-shaped container. (You can make your own, if you like.) (I toyed with making a list of movies/shows where you see a stripper cake, but could only remember “Under Siege,” where the stripper fell asleep in the cake. Anyone have any others?)
    4. sexy cakes. A sketch on Saturday Night Live with Patrick Stewart as a baker of cakes decorated with erotic images. That is, erotic if you have similar ideas to the baker as to what’s “sexy”. (The video seems not to be up on the SNL website, but you can read the transcript. Come on, go read it. It’s funny. Especially if you imagine Patrick Stewart’s dignified stentorian voice for the baker’s lines.)
    5. “Let them eat cake!” A phrase attributed to Marie-Antoinette, reflecting her insensitivity to the hungry masses who could not afford to buy bread. It was likely not really said by her. (And certainly not in English.) Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote of someone using a similar phrase under similar circumstances in 1767, several years before Marie-Antoinette even arrived in Versailles.

    6. the icing on the cake. An expression meaning an additional bonus, benefit, or other desirable thing. As in something good on top of something else that’s good.
    7. cupcake. A small individual serving-sized cake. Also an endearment.
    8. babycakes. Another, even cutesier, endearment. (Want to see something creepy? Check out this YouTube video of someone making a realistic sculpted baby cake. Perhaps not as deeply unsettling as bread made to look like dismembered body parts, but creepy nonentheless.)

    9. Pat-a-cake. (or Patty-cake). An English nursery rhyme. Also used for a clapping game.

      Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man.
      Bake me a cake as fast as you can.
      Pat it and roll it and mark it with “B”
      And put it in the oven for Baby and me.

    10. a piece of cake. An idiomatic expression meaning “easy.” As in “eating up all that chocolate was a piece of cake.”
    11. have your cake and eat it, too. An expression describing a desire to have things 2 different ways that are not compatible. More along the lines of “save your cake and eat it too.”
    12. takes the cake. An expression meaning “the most extreme example,” such as the winner of a contest or other comparison. As in “I thought Martin was a geek, but his brother Andy really takes the cake.”
    13. Cakewalk. A game, set to music, where the winner gets win a cake. I hadn’t realized it had origins as an actual dance:

      Cakewalk is a traditional African American form of music and dance which originated among slaves in the Southern United States. The form was originally known as the chalk line walk; it takes its name from competitions slaveholders sometimes held, in which they offered slices of hoecake as prizes for the best dancers.[1] It has since evolved from a parody of ballroom dancing to a “fun fair” like dance where participants dance in a circle in the hopes of winning a free cake.

    14. Cake. A band. My favorite song of theirs is probably their cover of Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive.”

    —–

    ¹ Actually, what I technically had was a celebratory fresh fruit tart, with a preamble of a couple of donuts holding some candles. But these were symbolically cake:

    leaping lepidoptera!

    Here we are, moving from Spring towards Summer up here in the Northern Hemisphere. The days are getting longer, the trees are getting leafier, and the bugs are coming out in force. Excitingly for many small people, this includes large numbers of caterpillars. Around here, we get lots of Eastern tent caterpillars, fairly big brown hairy things with patterns of black stripes and blue dots. It is not uncommon to hear a gleeful cry of “I found a cater-pidder!” from Ms. Phoebe.

    This army of furry future moths¹ has inspired this week’s moth ThThTh list.²

    1. Arthur: The Tick‘s sidekick. Wears a white moth suit in the comics, cartoon and live action TV show.
    2. Gypsy Moth, a moth character from A Bug’s Life voiced by Madeline Kahn
    3. Luna Moth, a fictional comic book character from The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, by Michael Chabon. That is to say, the fictional characters in the novel created a comic book character named Luna Moth, a mothy superhero. (I just saw that there is going to be a movie based on the book. It was a really good book by the way. You should read it.)
    4. The giant luna moth from Dr. Dolittle. Carries Dr. Dolittle back to England at the end of the movie. (I’m not sure if the moth is in any of the books.)
    5. Mothra/Mosura: a (fictional) giant moth monster. Fought with Godzilla in a few movies, like Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964) and Godzilla vs. Mothra (1992)

    6. Silence of the Lambs (1991). The serial killer in the movie raises imported Death’s-head hawk moths, which are noteworthy for the skull-like pattern that appears on their back. The moths shown in the movie were apparently actually another type of moth, in costume.
    7. silk A fabric. The fibers come from silk worms, which are actually caterpillars of a moth that is now completely domesticated. The cocoons are boiled to unravel the long, continuous strand of silk produced by the catepillar. The boiling must happen before the moth emerges, as the moth would otherwise make a hole, making the fibers too short.
    8. Boiled silkworms are eaten in some places in the world. In Korea, it’s called beondegi.³
    9. The Moth, an episode of Lost.⁴
    10. The Moth, by Aimee Mann. A song:
    11. Bedtime for Frances, by Russell Hoban and illustrated by Garth Williams. A picturebook about a little badger who has trouble going to sleep, and imagines all sorts of possible dangers and adventures. It ends with her deciding that a moth going “bump and thump” against her bedroom window is not a real threat, so she goes to sleep.

    ——————–
    ¹ Can I mention that I have a bit of a moth phobia? Maybe I’ll share it later.

    ² I was going to include butterflies, too, but the list was getting out of hand, and I do need to get some work done tonight. Also sleep. So perhaps butterflies will flutter back this way next week or so.

    ³ A friend of mine from college was somewhat scarred by having tried them as a child when visiting Korea. There was a certain kind of carob-flavored soymilk I got which she couldn’t stomach, as the flavor reminded her of beondegi.

    ⁴ I’ve never actually seen Lost…

    list gone wild

    What with all the travelling I’ve been doing, it’s been a while since I managed to put together a ThThTh list. But this week, inspired by our recent visit to the zoo, I’ve managed to round up some zoo-themed items. You are welcome to feed the list, but please keep your fingers outside the cages.

    A Zoo List

    1. the zoo in metaphors: The term zoo is used idiomatically to evoke chaos, wildness and other general craziness in places or situations. Cf: “This place looks like a zoo!” or “It was like feeding time at the zoo.” (Of course, I have to say that the zoos I’ve been to are not so much like the crazy situations that are likened to them: they tend to be well-organized and orderly. At least the animals. The people buying snacks and such can get out of hand.)
    2. animal crackers: Cookies shaped like animals. Though often packaged/marketed in ways evocative of circuses, the animals featured are much more zoo-like than circus-like overall. (See, for example, a picture of animal cookies from the Barnum’s Animal Crackers. Have you seen a giraffe or a rhinoceros at the circus? I rest my case.)
    3. zoo keeper: a computer/arcade game where you need to line up animals in rows. You can play a flash version online.

    4. A Zed & Two Noughts (1985) A movie directed by Peter Greenaway. I’m not quite sure what to say about it. A zoo (or the animals from the zoo)(or some rotting carcasses of animals from the zoo) is involved. And also referenced in the title.
    5. 12 Monkeys (1995) One of my favorite movies, directed by Terry Gilliam. Zoo animals appear at various times during the film, and a zoo is featured in a significant scene at the end.

    6. Madagascar (2005) A Dreamworks animated feature about animals escaping from a zoo.
    7. Creature Comforts (1989) Nick Park’s brilliant claymation short with interviews of zoo animals. The soundtrack was taken from interviews with real people, describing their own living situations, and attributed to animated zoo animals. (I also discovered that there was later a related TV series that was supposed to be pretty good.

    8. Zoos are a pretty popular setting for children’s stories, such as If I Ran the Zoo, Dr. Seuss, Good Night, Gorilla, by Peggy Rathman and Animal Strike at the Zoo. It’s True!, by Karma Wilson and illustrated by Margaret Spengler, and a gazillion others.
    9. “At the Zoo” poem by A. A. Milne. Here’s a bit:

      There are lions and roaring tigers,
      and enormous camels and things,
      There are biffalo-buffalo-bisons,
      and a great big bear with wings.
      There’s a sort of a tiny potamus,
      and a tiny nosserus too –
      But I gave buns to the elephant
      when I went down to the Zoo!

    10. “At the Zoo,” a song by Simon and Garfunkel

      Zebras are reactionaries,
      Antelopes are missionaries,
      Pigeons plot in secrecy,
      And hamsters turn on frequently.
      What a gas! you gotta come and see
      At the zoo.

    11. “Christmas at the Zoo,” by the Flaming Lips. A song about letting animals out at the zoo on Christmas Eve. The animals show no interest in escaping.¹

      12. ¹I was rather disturbingly reminded of this song this past Christmas when hearing the news of a tiger escaped from a San Francisco zoo on Christmas day, killing one zoo visitor and injuring 2 others.

      Images from wpclipart.

    flower power

    Today is the first day of May, or May Day. Since I haven’t found an opportunity to dance around a maypole, I’ll present this flower-themed ThThTh to you as a sort of virtual May basket.

    a bunch of flowers

  • “April showers bring May flowers.” An expression that makes reference to the frequency of rain in the month of April (in the Northern hemisphere, at least), and the Spring flowers that benefit from the watering. It has the meaning “Some unpleasant occurrences bring about better things.”
  • Flower children: a term for hippies, based on their tendencies to wear flowers as symbols of peace and love.

    • morning glory

  • Victorian Language of Flowers. A means of sending messages during the Victorian era. Specific flowers or colors of flowers had specific meanings attached for the recipient to decode. For example, a lobelia meant “malevolence” and a morning glory meant “love in vain.”
  • (s)he loves me, (s)he loves me not: a tradition of plucking the petals off a flower to determine whether one is loved. For each petal, the plucker alternates saying, eg. “he loves me” and “he loves me not.” The final petal, and which of the two phrases is slated to be spoken as it is plucked, establishes or refutes the love being questioned.

  • “Roses are Red.” A short poem (with many variants), sometimes used in Valentine’s Day cards. For example:

    Roses are red, violets are blue
    Honey is sweet, and so are you.

    I like this one better:

    Roses are red, violets are blue
    Some poems rhyme
    But this one doesn’t

  • American Beauty (1999) A movie with Kevin Spacey, which features rose gardening. It also has the famous dream scene with Mena Suvari in a pile of rose petals. (Why did I think it was Heather Graham? I guess it’s been a while.) American Beauty is also the name of a variety of roses¹
  • “Edelweiss” A song about the small white Alpine flower that is widely believed to be a traditional folksong, but was actually written by Rodgers and Hammerstein for the musical “The Sound of Music.”

    Edelweiss, Edelweiss
    Every morning you greet me
    Small and white, clean and bright
    You look happy to meet me

    • blue bonnet poppycarnationsunflower

  • El Seed from the animated Tick series. A megavillain who is an anthropomorphic sunflower. (The name is a play on El Cid.)
  • Certain poppies are used to produce opiates (opium and heroine). Poppies also have a drugging effect in the field of poppies from the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy and her companions (at least those that are mammals) are drugged to sleep when they enter a field of poppies. (Here’s the corresponding book chapter.)
  • The Orchid Thief: A non-fiction book by Susan Orlean about a man who illegally collects rare wild orchids. The movie Adaptation (2002) is in part about this story, and in part about the process of adapting a book into a screenplay.
  • Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. Gregory Maguire‘s second novel for adults². This reinterpretation of the Cinderella fairytale is set in 17th century Holland during the peak (and then crash) of the tulip craze.
  • Carnation: In the Avengers series, Steed would typically wear a carnation in his buttonhole. Characters in various fictional stories, especially spy stories, will wear a red carnation in order that they may be identified by someone who doesn’t otherwise know their appearance.
  • “Dennis Moore,” the Monty Python episode where a bumbling Robin Hood-type character steals lupins from the rich to give to the poor. “Your lupins or your life!”

    • ——
    ¹ There are so many rose-related things out there, including several fairy tale rose references, that I could easily do a list just of roses. I probably will at some point down the line. Consider this a token rose for now.)

    ² He had written several young adult/kids’ novels before writing Wicked.)

    flower images: source

    decoding real estate listings: a helpful glossary

    If you’ve ever spent any time house-hunting, you’ve probably noticed that real estate listings have a certain lingo of their own. Often, this involves descriptions of properties that have been somewhat embellished to make even flaws quirky characteristics sound like selling points. Some of these euphemisms have become standardized, such as the “handyman’s special,” a term for a home that is falling apart in every imaginable way in minor need of repairs.

    In order to help you read between the lines in an MLS listing, I offer to you this helpful example and glossary.

    Example: a typical MLS listing

    Charming and cozy 2 bedroom house. Enjoy summer breezes in this lovingly decorated perfect starter home, with sunny, low-maintenance yard. Modern kitchen, 1 and a half baths, partially finished basement. Homey, and ready to move in!
    Location features:
    • easy access to freeway
    • excellent cell phone reception
    • close to amenities
    • friendly, mature neighborhood

    Glossary of Terms:
    charming: run-down
    cozy: cramped
    summer breezes: house is drafty, may have windows missing or holes in roof
    lovingly decorated: all the carpets are magenta, and there is loud wallpaper in every room
    perfect starter home: you’ll want to move out as soon as you can afford better
    sunny: no trees or shade of any kind
    low-maintenance yard: lawn is paved over
    modern kitchen: kitchen done in the Modern style, circa 1960
    1 and a half baths: the second bathroom has partially-installed fixtures, or there may be a toilet in the basement
    partially finished basement: basement features water-stained shag carpet
    homey: house has funky smells, possible from cat urine
    Ready to move in!: home has been abandoned
    easy access to freeway: next to an on-ramp
    excellent cell phone reception: under a cell phone tower
    close to amenities: across from a liquor and/or convenience store
    friendly, mature neighborhood: may be near a strip club or adult bookstore

    I hope that this information will be helpful to you in your house-hunting endeavors. If you have more terms to add to the glossary, I welcome your contributions!

    ——————————-
    This week’s Monday Mission, which I’ve chosen to accept in a roundabout way, was to write a post in the style of a real estate listing. For more listings, stop by Painted Maypole.

    Thanks to maja for teaching me “low-maintenance yard” and “easy freeway access,” terms that she may have actually seen in use.

    Is it hot in here?

    Okay, I was all set to whine again. I came down with the flu a few days ago, and spent many of the last 24 hours feverish and miserable. But it got me thinking about fevers. Now, suddenly, I’m feeling much better. My fever is all gone. But I still have this fever list I came down with, or came up with for ThThTh.

    A Few Feverish Bits

    1. feed a cold, starve a fever (or is it feed a fever, starve a cold?) an expression about folk remedies. Said to be based in part on an idea written in 1574: “Fasting is a great remedie of feuer.” Of course, they probably would have set leeches on you then, too.
    2. the brainfever bird, a nickname for the common hawk-cuckoo inspired by its repetive song, which sounds to some like the bird is saying “brain fever.”
    3. the origins of the fahrenheit scale. I remember a story my high school chemistry teacher told about how Fahrenheit made his temperature scale. According to this story, Fahrenheit wanted 100 degrees to be human body temperature. So he took his wife’s temperature to use. It turned out she had a lowgrade fever. (This tale is likely apocryphal, as people have offered up various other stories.)
    4. Fever is used quite a bit metaphorically to mean “high levels” of some thing: eg. fever of activity, fever of enthusiasm, fever of interest, fever of work. (Mind you, Google showed me no hits for either “fever of pants” nor “fever of bananas.”)
    5. cabin fever: an expression describing the feeling that one has been stuck inside for too long. Also the title of a movie
    6. jungle fever: A slang term for interracial relationships. Also a movie directed by Spike Lee
    7. fever pitch: intense levels of excitement or other emotions, often said in reference to crowds or other masses of people. Also the title of a book by Nick Hornby, and a movie based on the same.
    8. Saturday Night Fever (1977). John Travolta’s famous disco dancing movie. I don’t believe he actually had a fever in that movie.
    9. But speaking of fevers and dancing movies, did you ever hear that Gene Kelly had a high fever (103° f) during the famous scene where he dances (and sings) in the rain in the movie Singin’ in the Rain?
    10. Fever, or the metaphorical hotness it invokes, has also been the inspiration for lots of songs, such as Suzanne Vega’s “99.9 F°“, a lowgrade fever, and also the album title. (Video on YouTube.) And here are a few more from our iTunes library:
      Fever Few, Throwing Muses
      Fever Moon, Mission of Burma
      Fevered, The Stills
      Stray Cats Fever and Electric Beach Fever, Puffy AmiYumi
    11. Of course, any feverish list couldn’t be complete without Fever, the song made famous by Peggy Lee, and which has been stuck in my head much of the day:
    12. There’s also this version performed by Rita Moreno, as accompanied by Animal. Because many things are improved with the addition of muppets.

    feeling the burn

    Okay, I admit it. I’m feeling a tad burned out. What with the trip for the conference, the conference itself, the prep for the conference, the hard drive failure, and the various illnesses of the past couple of weeks, I feel like I’m due for a break. But sadly, I’ve got to get cranking on the next poster for the conference in Brazil, which is now (most startlingly) less than 3 weeks away.

    And not that you wanted to know this, but I am now plagued by heartburn. I had this problem when I was pregnant before, especially as I got huge. I thought things might be better this time around, but either the timing was coincidental, or the stomach bug I got pushed me out of the comfort zone, and into the fire.

    Hello zantac, my old friend,
    I’ve come to look to you again,
    Because the acids softly creeping,
    Left my stomach while I was sleeping,
    And the fire that was planted in my throat
    Really blows
    Giving the burn of reflux.

    Anyhow, I owe a ThThTh list, but I’m not feeling sufficiently fired up to do a thorough job. But here are a burning bits to toast your marshmallows. (Please feel free to fuel the fire, too.)

    • Phoenix, a mythical bird who burns and is reborn out of the ashes
    • Quest for Fire, a 1981 movie base on a 1911 French novel. About prehistoric people. Who, um, want fire or something like that.
    • Out of the the frying pan and into the fire, an idiom meaning “leave a bad situation for a worse one.”
    • Firestarter. A 1984 movie starrying Drew Barrymore as a pyrokinetic kid. Based on a Stephen King novel.
    • The Human Torch, a comic book character. Who gets all fiery.
    • Spontaneous Human Combustion. I don’t really have anything to say here. Poof.
    • Flame war or flaming: “the hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users”
    • And here, how about a whole bunch of songs I like with a fiery theme.
        Burning down the house, Talking Heads
        Beds are Burning, Midnight Oil
        Fire on Babylon, Sinead O’Connor
        London’s Burning, The Clash
        Firestarter, Prodigy
        Light My Fire, The Doors
        Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash (also Social Distortion)
        Who by Fire, Leonard Cohen
        Dig for Fire, Pixies
        It’s a Fire, Portishead
        Into the Fire, Sarah MacLachlan
        Keeper of the Flame, Nina Simone