yes we can (can)

cylinder-19_42791_smWith winter around the corner (or actually in the building for some of us), many people are looking to preserve their foods for the colder months. So some people can.

Can you can? Actually, I can’t can. Well, maybe I could can. But I don’t can. Perhaps I should can. Maybe someday I will can.

But for now, what I can do is make a list. Of cans. For ThThTh¹.

A big can of cans

  1. can: an English modal verb. Like other modals (eg could, should, would, will, may, etc.), it doesn’t take the third person singular -s suffix. It is typically spoken in a very reduced form, with a syllabic alveolar nasal for the rhyme [kʰn̩] unless it bears sentence-level stress (eg. a pitch accent), in which case it has the full low front vowel [æ] like the other cans (i.e. [kʰæn]²).
  2. can: a verb meaning “preserve food in jars or cans”
  3. can: a noun meaning “an enclosed metal container” (also a tin, though cans not need be made of tin. Actually, I guess some cans are not even entirely metal.)
  4. the can: a slang term for a bathroom, or for the toilet itself.
  5. can: a verb meaning “discontinue.” As in “the show was canned.”
  6. can it!: an expression akin to “shut up.”
  7. Pringles: potato chips that come in a can
  8. cheeseburger in a can: exactly what it sounds like. Yick.
  9. Prince Albert in a can: A kind of tobacco sold in a tin made famous for the use of its name in prank phone calls:

    prank caller: Do you have Prince Albert in a can?
    shopkeeper: Yes we do.
    prank caller: Well, why don’t you let him out?

  10. Campbell’s Soup Cans: Andy Warhol’s famous work of art, which consists of 32 canvasses each with a silk-screened picture of a can of Campbell’s soup.
  11. canned laughter: recorded laugh tracks used with TV shows.
  12. kick the can: a game usually played outdoors. (I’ve never played it, actually. It appears to be akin to both tag and hide and seek)
  13. can of worms: an expression meaning “complications” or “difficulties.” As in “we don’t want to open up that can of worms.” Which strikes me as kinda funny, as I imagine that a can of worms, if not exactly pleasant, would be rather straightforward.
  14. There is a tradition to string empty cans from the back of a car (usually emblazened with “just married”) which a bride and groom will use to leave their wedding
  15. The Can can: a French chorus line dance. (Also written cancan or can-can.)
  16. can_can_dancers

  17. “Can You Can Can?”: lyrics by Richard Perlmutter (of Beethoven’s Wig) set to Can Can from Orpheus in the Underworld by Jacques Offenbach. The chorus goes like this:

    Oh can you do the Can Can?
    If you can then I can
    I can Can Can if you Can Can
    Can you Can Can

  18. Yes We Can Can: a Pointer Sisters song.
  19. “Yes We Can”: a campaign speech by President-elect Barack Obama³ about the benefits of preserving food, and a song using elements of that speech [YouTube]. (Okay, it’s not really about canning.)

———

¹This list of cans was inspired by a post on preserving foods from Flying Tomato Farms. In particular, this bit got me thinking about can:

Because I can (that is, preserve food in jars using boiling water and pressure-processing methods), and because I teach a couple of people each season to can, I sometimes get frustrated with customers at farmers markets who decline to take the farmers up on their bulk discounts for produce that could easily be put up using simple methods of boiling water bath canning, drying, or freezing.

In addition to it providing me with amusement over the need to disambiguate the word can, it was a very intersting post about the need for local processing of food in order to better support local food economies.

² This should actually have a tilda diacritic over the vowel, too, but I can’t get the unicode symbol to work right.

³ Wahoo!

—-
images: can-can dancers from wpclipart.com, soup cans from Florida Center for Instructional Technology Clipart ETC

Silly Men Walking

Rejoice! There is now a Monty Python channel on YouTube (warning: a video will start playing when you click that link), where you can find a host of Python clips. Okay, so you could find the clips on YouTube before, but they were all unauthorized:

For 3 years you YouTubers have been ripping us off, taking tens of thousands of our videos and putting them on YouTube. Now the tables are turned. It’s time for us to take matters into our own hands.

So now you can watch The Ministry of Silly Walks as Python intended:

In related news, today I also learned of this terribly Silly Short Movie involving Men Walking at The Skwib. Steve Sullivan’s brilliant “A Heap of Trouble” features men walking down the road singing: “…nine naked men just walking down the road…”

Intrigued? You can watch it yourself: “A Heap of Trouble.’

As Mark so eloquently warns:
“Warning: Not Safe for Work if your co-workers are uncomfortable with brief shots of sausage and/or Welsh singing.”

To read more about this short (where most of the men aren’t even wearing shorts), go visit The Skwib.

80s Pants Party!

pants_party1

80s Pants Party! Volume 1:
Put on your party pants and prepare yourself to party to the max with this totally awesome New Wave Pants-o-rama party!
Tracks:

  1. Tainted Pants 3:52
  2. Goody Two Pants 3:12
  3. West End Pants 4:01
  4. She Blinded Me With Pants 3:25
  5. Pants in a Northern Town 2:56
  6. Under the Milky Pants 3:33
  7. Everybody Wants to Pants the World 4:59
  8. Don’t You Forget About Pants 2:45
  9. We Got the Pants 2:47
  10. Don’t Stand So Close to Pants 3:03
  11. Hungry like the Pants 3:23
  12. Lay Your Pants on Me 2:57
  13. Pretty in Pants 3:25
  14. Girls Just Want to Have Pants 3:03

Bonus Track:

  • Safety Pants (extended pants remix) 7:52

This production was brought to you by:
Painted Maypole and the Monday Missions! (supporting CD liner note style since 1984)
My Big Sister and the News of 80s Pants Revival!
• The word Pants!

Sales from this album will benefit the American Pants Society, The United Charter for Pants, and Pants Across America.

Look for More 80s Pants Party Music in Stores Soon!

abbreviated

City Girl (of Country Girl / City Girl) tagged me for the one word meme last week.

I actually had done a version of this a while back. Some people had been calling it “monosyllablic,” and I was shocked (deeply, deeply shocked) that many people used words that were disyllablic or even polysyllabic. So I made sure that none of my own answers exceeded one syllable.

Anyhow, all my answers are still single words, according to the instructions. But I decided to spice things up additionally in my own way.

  1. Where is your mobile phone? attaché
  2. Where is your significant other? abed
  3. Your hair colour? auburn
  4. Your mother? adventurous
  5. Your father? absent
  6. Your favourite thing? acoustics
  7. Your dream last night? amusing
  8. Your dream goal? achievement
  9. The room you’re in? alcove
  10. Your hobby? anagrams
  11. Your fear? aggression
  12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? academia
  13. Where were you last night? abode
  14. What you’re not? aardvark
  15. One of your wish-list items? Avengers
  16. Where you grew up? around
  17. The last thing you did? ate
  18. What are you wearing? argyle
  19. Your TV? adequate
  20. Your pets? ants
  21. Your computer? Apple
  22. Your mood? appeased
  23. Missing someone? ancestors
  24. Your car? adorable
  25. Something you’re not wearing? anorak
  26. Favourite shop? Amazon
  27. Your summer? active
  28. Love someone? absolutely
  29. Your favourite colour? azure
  30. When is the last time you laughed? antics
  31. When is the last time you cried? announcement

Most of the answers aren’t altogether apocryphal, although a few approach.¹ (Can you guess which I just made up?)

Oh, yeah. Today’s word of the day is alliteration.

—–
¹ They say a little alliteration goes a long way. I’m assuming a lot of alliteration is an assault.²
² I apologize. Kinda.

Vote now!

Election day is finally here in the US.

There are quite a few hours left to go before we get the results. The world is all aquiver with antici…

…pation.

Making us wait.

So the word that’s been on my mind today is anticipation. Which brings to mind this song.


(Anticipation, by Carly Simon)

Which brings to mind ketchup commercials.(And ketchup goes so nicely with Dr. Frankenfurter…)

And seeing as WordPress has this cool new poll feature, I thought I’d take advantage on this historic day to ask you an important question.

NaNaGaMo begins

In addition to NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), I’ve decided to participate in NaNaGaMo, National Navel-Gazing Month. Every day for the month of November, I will contemplate my navel, or perhaps someone else’s navel. In a pinch, I may stare at a navel orange.

On this theme, I’d like to highlight a word with you that I met in the past year or so, and which I’ve become quite fond of:
omphaloskepsis (noun)

literally, the contemplation of one’s navel, which is an idiom usually meaning complacent self-absorption (from dictionary.com)

I think it’s quite a good word. I try to use it whenever possible.

Phoebe at about 16 months promises to master the art of ompaholskepsis.Such a lovely belly button.
Phoebe, at 16 months, shows signs that she will be a master of the art of omphaloskepsis.

Actually, I was considering having each of my posts for the month of November feature a word that I like. (I mean, a different word that I like. Otherwise we could end up with a month of posts about pants.) (Well, that might happen anyhow.) We’ll see. I promise to, at the very least, use words in every post.

10 Classics of Pants Horror Cinema

Just when you thought you were safe from my pants, they come back at you with a vengeance! Hold on to your pants, as Pants Cinema presents these 10 Classic Horror Movies.

  1. Night of the Living Pants
    A group of people seek refuge in a farmhouse after radiation from a fallen satellite causes their pants to come to life.
  2. The Pants of Frankenstein
    After stitching him together from corpses and bring him to life, Dr. Frankenstein struggles to clothe his monstrous creation.
  3. Island of Lost Pants
    A shipwrecked man finds himself on an island inhabited by a madman who performs bizarre experiments on pants that were believed lost at the laundromat.
  4. Invasion of the Pants Snatchers
    A small-town doctor learns that the pants of his community are being replaced by ill-fitting alien duplicate pants.
  5. Rosemary’s Pants
    A young couple moves into an apartment only to be troubled by the appearance of a pair of pants that neither of them purchased.
  6. Children of the Pants
    Children in rural Nebraska are incited by a creepy young preacher to steal the pants from every adult in the town.
  7. The Amityville Pants
    A family purchases a selection of second-hand pants, only to be haunted by the discovery that the pants were worn by people with really bad taste.
  8. The Invisible Pants
    A mad scientist finds a way of making things invisible, but since he’s insane, the only things he cloaks with invisibility are his pants.
  9. Pants Sematary
    A couple is horrified to discover that pants fashions discarded in recent decades come back to haunt them, hideously altered.
  10. Dawn of the Pants
    Zombies rise from the dead and drive a small group of survivors to seek refuge in a secluded shopping mall, where they find great bargains on pants.

——-

This monstrosity of a post can be attributed to radiation emitted from this week’s Monday Mission, hosted by Painted Maypole, which causes innoncent-looking posts to take the form of a horror movie plot summary. Or in this case, 10 of them.

Advanced Topics in Procrastination

The Department of Procrastinatory Arts and Sciences at Big Urban University announces its Fall, 2008 course offerings:

PR 101: Introduction to Procrastination
Topics covered include puttering, stalling, and dawdling for beginners. Required of all students working towards degrees in Procrastination. (Requirement may be waived if the student has avoided registering for the course for 3 or more semesters.)
Instructor: TBD

PR 125: Procrastinators Throughout History
Leaders, visionaries, revolutionaries. This survey course highlights the great procrastinators of the world and the accomplishments they would have been famous for, had they ever managed to complete them.
Instructor: Putterington

PR 126: Procrastinators Throughout History II: The Arts
This course examines the works of the Grand Masters of Procrastination. Students will learn to appreciate the unfinished symphonies, uncompleted novels and half-painted canvases that might have rivalled the finished works of the artists’ better known contemporaries.
Instructor: TBA

Procrastinating 225: Special Topics in Procrastination
Details on the course topic are expected to be available by the fourth week of the semester, by which time the professor hopes to have finished writing the syllabus. Or at least started it.
Instructor: McDawdle

PR 234: Getting Things Partially Done
This hands-on productivity course will help speed you along in the steps from thinking about doing something, getting started in deciding to get something started, and starting to get something done that will look like progress towards the accomplishment of things.
Instructor: TB

PR 235: Putting Things Off
Postponed until Spring semester

Other courses, which are planned for some time later:
PR 175: The Science of Stalling and the Fine Art of Puttering About
PR 187: The Procrastinator in Contemporary Society
PR 285: Creative Time Mismanagement
PR 335: Advanced Seminar in Dawdling

———–
This course bulletin is offered up for this week’s Monday Mission, which asked for posts in the form of course descriptions.

Standoff at the P.P. Corral

Prologue: Following a week of scattered confrontation, Phoebe “The Kid” and the Marshall square off for a day of showdown.

Scene 1: In a kitchen, shortly after breakfast.

    Phoebe “The Kid”: I need to go pee-pee.

    The Marshall: [perkily] Do you want to try sitting on the potty?

    Phoebe “The Kid”: No!

Scene 2: In a living room, about 20 minutes later.

    Phoebe “The Kid”: I need to use the potty

    Marshall: [perkily] Okay.
    [Phoebe and the Marshall go into the bathroom. Phoebe pulls down big girl underwear, climbs onto the toilet with special potty topper for small-bottomed bandits. Phoebe tenses up. Silence ensues.]

    Phoebe: I’m all done now!

    The Marshall: But Phoebe, there was no pee-pee. Can you sit there for a little bit longer?

    Phoebe “The Kid”: I’m all done now!

    The Marshall: [Attempts to negotiate, using various pleas, grovels, bribes…] Just like you’ve done so many times before. And you can get a sticker!

    Phoebe: [starting to sob] I’m all done now! I don’t need to go pee-pee.

Scenes 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, …
Scenes play out much as above, with dialog varying slightly. Intersperse with scenes of Phoebe looking uncomfortable and wanting to be held like a little baby. The music builds. The bladder holds tight. The underwear stays dry. The Marshall’s resolve withers.

Summary of the umpteenth scene, the final standoff, over 4 hours later: The Marshall realizes that she is outgunned and outwitted. Banging her head against the wall (which offers no more than a satisfying thud), she is about ready to raise her hands in defeat and give in to the diaper demands. In desperation, she calls for backup. The reinforcements come. As the Marshall sits pouting on the couch, the reinforcements’ masterful negotiating skills convince Phoebe to surrender her urine to the potty. Phoebe “The Kid” appears to be reformed, and is awarded a star.

Stay tuned for the riveting sequel, wherein new versions of the scenes above are played out following the nap.

———–

Over 6 weeks, 4 full charts, 28 stickers each chart, representing well over a hundred successful potty usages. (Things were looking so promising that we weren’t even putting stickers for most pee-pees. I’m sure you don’t want to get me started on the topic of “the other,” which has been another story. Actually, the story hasn’t been all that different from today’s feature film. Imagine dialogs much like those above, repeated about every other day.) Anyhow, we seemed to be in the home stretch. Phoebe had been using the potty at daycare for 2 straight weeks, coming home in the same dry pull-up diaper we sent her in. And then this last week, she stopped using the potty at daycare altogether. It could be that a new baby started at daycare. Which doesn’t quite bode well for the upcoming weeks…

It’s not like we’re back at square one. Phoebe is still using the potty at least once a day. But damn would I like to be done with this.