Category: silliness

You want the pants? You can’t handle the pants.

Well, maybe you can handle the pants. In fact, I’ve promised pants. And I’ve given pants. And I think that you deserve more pants.

In the great tradition of the pants game, I offer to you the following great movie pants movie moments:

  • “Go ahead, make my pants.” — Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood), Sudden Impact (1983)
  • “You can’t handle the pants!” — Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “May the Pants be with you.” — Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Star Wars (1977)
  • “Fasten your pants. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” — Margo Channing (Bette Davis), All About Eve (1950)
  • “The stuff that pants are made of.” — Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart), The Maltese Falcon (1941)
  • “Show me the pants!” — Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise), Jerry Maguire (1996)
  • “I have always depended on the pants of strangers.” — Blanche Dubois (Vivien Leigh), A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
  • “Round up the usual pants.” — Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca (1942)
  • “Pants? We ain’t got no pants! We don’t need no pants! I don’t have to show you any stinking pants!” — “Gold Hat” (Alfonso Bedoya), The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
  • “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the pants.” — Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis), Now, Voyager (1942)
  • “Keep your friends close, but your pants closer.” — Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), The Godfather: Part II (1974)
  • “Get your stinking pants off me, you damned dirty ape.” — George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes (1968)
  • “We’ll always have pants.” — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca (1942)

procrastinator’s horoscope for today…or tomorrow

The Procrastinator’s Horoscope, September 10, 2007:
For today or tomorrow. Or maybe some time later this week.

Aries (March 21-April 19): That deadline is fast approaching, so you’d best get cracking. That project absolutely needs to be done by Friday, and you have a lot of work left to do. Wait, Friday? That’s days away! I mean, practically a week. You can afford to spend a little bit of time online before you dig in. Surf’s up!

Taurus (April 20-May 20): It’s about time you wrote the email you’ve been putting off writing. It’s a sensitive matter, so make sure to choose your words carefully. Stare at your computer screen. Type “Dear Bob.” Wait, does “dear” sound to personal, or maybe too formal? Better delete that and start over. Type “Hey Bob!” No, that’s too informal. Delete that. Hey, look, you got an email! Your buddy sent you a link to a really funny YouTube video. Man, YouTube is cool. I wonder how many videos are up there that have “Bob” in their title?

Gemini (May 21-June 21): Before you get started on your day’s tasks, check on your blog, if you have one. How’s traffic on that last post? Any new comments? Any interesting search terms? How about now? Ok, that’s enough. Let’s get to work. But wait, any new comments now? What about now? Now? If you don’t have a blog, today would be a good day to start one. Maybe two.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): It’s time to pay bills again. Get yourself organized. You’ll need the checkbook, a pen, and some stamps. Oh, and the bills. Where are those bills? Oh, right. Under the pile of catalogs. Hey, what’s new at L.L. Bean, by the way? Didn’t you need to look for some gloves? Ooo, and look at that sweater on page 17.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): The day is already half gone, and you’ve barely even thought about the work you need to do. You must need some coffee. Go get some coffee right now. Go for a walk, even. You know, get that blood pumping. You can absolutely start working after you’ve had a quick walk and some coffee. And maybe a nap. Walks can zap the energy right out of you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your kitchen is a mess, and you have relatives coming over tomorrow. It’s time to scrub the floor, clear off the counters, clean out the furry things from the fridge, and tackle that huge pile of dishes. But have no fears, cleaning can be fun with the right tunes. Maybe you should put together a cool playlist on iTunes. You might need to add to your collection a bit to get just the right mix, too.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): It’s about time you got around to sorting through that pile of boxes in the basement or closet. Start by restacking the boxes neatly. Doesn’t stacking boxes remind you of Tetris? I bet you can find Tetris online these days.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): If you don’t do laundry today, you won’t have any clean socks to wear tomorrow. Gather up your dirty clothes, and sort through them. That’s a cool shirt. Didn’t you want to get another one like that in another color? You’d better go buy one now before they run out. You can buy socks for tomorrow, too, while you’re at it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Today is the day to start being more productive. Absolutely today. The first step is to make that decision. See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? The next step is to get yourself savvy about the ways of the uber-productive, by reading some books or websites or something. Write that down on a Post-it. Aren’t Post-its cool? Hey, remember how Romy and Michelle pretended to have invented Post-its? That was a funny movie. Put it on your Netflix queue. Wow, it’s been a while since you’ve updated that queue.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): With fall around the corner, now would be a good time to finally start that home repair project. Before you get going, make sure you have all the supplies you’ll need. You’d better check in some home reference books for details. Or maybe some magazines. Or wait, isn’t there a home improvement network on TV?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Spend at least an hour futzing around before you consider attempting anything. For good measure, you may also want to loaf, putter, amble and goof off. Time’s a wasting. That’s your motto. Or make that “Time’s for Wasting.”

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Just stay in bed today.

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Brought to you by this week’s Monday Mission, which solicits posts written in the form of a horoscope.

Don’t they know what’s going to happen?

The news has come out that scientists will soon be combining animal and human DNA. This Washington Post article gives a rundown:

Britain to Allow Creation of Hybrid Embryos

Capping a months-long scientific and ethics review, British regulators said yesterday that they are prepared to allow the creation of embryos that are part human and part animal for use in medical experiments.

We all know how this is going to play out. Scientists will create these hybrids for good, but then they’ll turn evil. It’s only a matter of time before we start hearing about crazed half-cow, half-humans going on murderous flesh-eating rampages, or plotting the destruction of human civilization. Just look at the background research:

Movies where scientists conduct experiments involving blending humans with animals, which go horribly wrong

  1. The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977) and (1996), Island of Lost Souls (1933), based on the H. G. Wells book. A scientist creates hybrids with humans and various animals. Who turn evil!
  2. Dr. Renault’s Secret (1942)
    A scientist turns an ape into a man. But then he turns evil!
  3. Ssssss (1973)
    A movie involving turning people into snakes. Who turn evil!
  4. The Fly (1958) and (1986)
    A scientist accidently blends himself with a fly. Then turns evil!

    5. fly_labcoat2.jpg

  5. Creature Unknown (2003)
    A scientist makes a lizard/human hybrid. That turns evil!
  6. Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy (2005)

    When he began fusing human and shark DNA, his colleagues laughed at him. Now his creation is taking his revenge, and they aren’t laughing anymore.

  7. Tank Girl (1995)
    This movie features the Rippers: human-kangaroo hybrids. Created by scientists as fighting machines, they…turn good! And fight the bad guys. So, if we’re lucky, the British scientists will work mostly with kangaroo DNA.

fly_screaming.jpg

rich vs. super-rich: the debate continues

ONN, The Onion News Network, brings us the latest on the debate about the growing economic gap in the US.

(I’m reminded of an argument about who is rich and who is just a “normal” person between Rosie and Barbara Walters from a while back. It’s a bit long, though. But up on YouTube, too.)

10 little piggy-pig-pigtail-people

As might be inferred from my last post, I am decidedly pro-pigtail. In celebration of pigtails, I bring you the following pigtail-themed list.

The 10 people on this list have one thing in common. Or two things, really. Pigtails. Whether it’s two braids, or two little pony tails, these folks know how to do the two-do with style.

  1. Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy’s pigtails with their blue-ribbon bows are iconic, and a standard feature of Dorothy costumes, along with the blue gingham dress and ruby slippers. Many illustrations of the original book (The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, by L. Frank Baum), also show Dorothy in pigtails.

    2. dorothy.jpg dorothy_book.jpg

  2. Ronald Ann from Berke Breathed’s cartoon Outland. She started off with 3 pigtails, but her do evolved to the classic 2.

    3. outland_ronald_ann.jpg

  3. Laura of Little House on the Prairie. I’m familiar with the TV show Laura, as played by Melissa Gilbert. I can’t speak for her hair in the books on which the show was based. (I loved her braided pigtails when I was about 11, and would occasionally wear my hair that way.)

    4. laura_little_house.jpg pippi.jpg

  4. Pippi Longstockings. The super-strong Pippi, of the books and movies, has bright red pigtails that defy gravity.

    5. brady_cindy1.jpgcindy1.jpgcindy2.jpg

  5. Cindy from the Brady Bunch, in the early days. The youngest one in curls. Which were often in pigtails.

    6. nbsp;

    Then there are various girly-girl cartoon & animé characters wear pigtails, like…
    sailor_moon.gifbubbles.gif

  6. Bubbles, the Powerpuff Girl. The sweet girly-girl one, and
  7. Sailor Moon, who has really, really long blond pigtails.

    8. And lest you think that pigtails are just for toddlers and schoolgirls, I submit to you the following pigtail-sporting women:

  8. Jennifer Schwalbach Smith (aka Kevin Smith’s wife) wore pigtails with her black leather catsuit in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) (I actually found a picture of Kevin Smith in pigtails, which was not something I expected to find.)

    9. jennifer_smith1.jpg buffy_pigtails2.jpg

  9. Buffy, on occasion, also sported pigtails. Like in the episode “Fear Itself,” a bit which you can see on YouTube. (Okay, so Buffy’s dressed in a Little Red Riding Hood Halloween costume in this one, but other times she wears pigtails when not dressed as a little girl.)

    10. michelle_yeoh1.jpg

  10. Michelle Yeoh in Supercop/Jing cha gu shi III: Chao ji jing cha/ Police Story III: Supercop: I mentioned once before that my favorite scene in this movie is a fight scene where she’s wearing her hair in braided pigtails. Those braids go a-flyin’ as she kicks some serious ass.

making faces and saving thyme

Yesterday was my CSA share pick-up day at the farm, again. And like the last 2 weeks, the share included 10 pounds of tomatoes. Here they all are in their polychromatic glory:

gradient_tomatoes.jpg

We also got some onions, a couple of small summer squashes, eggplants (I traded in my peppers for some extra eggplants), and some more basil. Inspired by Magpie Musing’s face of last week, I have put together my own vegetable face, based on the tradition started at The Great Big Vegetable Challenge.

onion_hair_face.jpg

I have quite a bit of thyme left from last week. (Also some basil and tomatoes.) I just roasted some potatoes with olive oil and thyme. But I may have to freeze it, as I don’t think I can use all of it before it goes bad. I don’t want to waste it. (Yes, I am fighting the pun. Fighting it!)

We had some friends over on Saturday, and I was able to use some of the thyme in a couple of dishes. My guests (at least those over the age of 5) each lent a hand with some food prep, including plucking thyme leaves off the sprigs.

The problem with cooking with thyme is that it is an herb that asks, begs and screams out to be used in puns. One of my guests abruptly cut off another guest in mid thyme-pun with a “don’t!”, but then shortly after succumbed to one of her own thyme puns. (“But you wouldn’t let me!” the interrupted guest cried.) It is a devilish thing. Some of the puns were not even entirely intentional, such as:

  • Did we run out of thyme?
  • No, we’ve got lots of thyme.
  • How much thyme do we have?
  • Are we going to save thyme?

    • I challenge you not to think up any of your own.

    Anyhow, dinner went well, and I had a grand time. (Though I was busy cooking most of the evening.) Here’s what we had for dinner.

    1. Roasted Tomato, Garlic and Chevre Frittata
      I followed this recipe from pantry permitting, and it was really tasty, and not too much work. One of the steps involved roasting tomatoes and garlic in the oven with olive oil. I roasted a big batch of tomatoes, leading to quite a bit of garlic-infused rich roasted tomato juice, which was really tasty.

      2. And because one of my guests does not like a goat cheese, I made a second fritatta.

    2. Roasted garlic and tomato frittata with monterey jack cheese and carmelized onions
      This was good, too. I basically used the recipe above, but with chunks of monterey jack cheese in place of the goat cheese, and with some onions that I browned on the stove with olive oil.
    3. stir-fried basil eggplant
      I threw some sauteed eggplant in with some carmelized onions, along with some basil left from the previous week, and soy sauce. (This was very, very loosely based on a Thai basil eggplant recipe.)
    4. tomato, mozzarella and basil salad
      Tomatoes, tomatoes, and more tomatoes. Cubed up with some cubes of fresh mozzarella, and tossed with basil leaves, olive oil and balsamic vinegar.
    5. cucumber salad with roasted tomato and garlic yogurt dressing (that practically is the recipe):

      4-ish medium cucumbers, peeled (the skins were very bitter) and thinly sliced

      For the dressing I mixed (and the measurements are guesses. I don’t measure when I improvise):
      3 TBS plain whole milk yogurt
      juice and olive oil from the roasting pan from the tomatoes and garlic (about 1/4 cup)
      2 cloves roasted garlic, chopped
      thyme leaves from 4 or 5 sprigs of thyme
      a bit of fresh basil, shredded
      a splash of red wine vinegar
      salt

    Dessert was ice cream. I didn’t make it. (In a previous life, I would have made 2 or more desserts, and served things up in courses.)

    saturday_dinner.jpg

    I wanted to show my guests how pretty the vegetables looked, but realized that I wouldn’t have time to do all the preparation after their arrival and still eat at a decent hour. So I took a photo. The round orange vegetables that look rather tomato-like are actually Turkish eggplants. The photo also includes a bowl of the roasted tomatoes, and a small bowl of the roasted garlic cloves, as well as the little bundle of thyme that I have not yet wasted. Plus a couple of little zucchinis that didn’t make it on to the menu, and which I ended up wasting. I just can’t think of any good jokes about wasting zucchinis. Certainly not any puns.

    (I should have done laundry) yesterday

    (I should have done laundry) yesterday

    Yesterday
    All my laundry seemed so far away
    Now I need to dress for work today
    Oh, I believe
    In yesterday

    Suddenly
    I’ve lost half the clothes I want to wear
    Can’t find any of my underwear
    Oh, yesterday
    Was laundry day

    What I’ll
    Have to wear I don’t know
    This shirt won’t do
    I spilled
    Something blue now I’m screwed
    For meeting day

    Yesterday
    Laundry seemed an easy task to shirk
    Now I need some socks to wear to work
    Oh, I believe
    In yesterday

    Where I
    put my pants I don’t know
    I couldn’t say
    Goofed off
    All day long now I long
    For yesterday

    Yesterday
    Laundry seemed an unimportant job
    Now I’ll look like a disheveled slob
    I’ll wear what I
    wore yesterday

    —-

    This post can be blamed on the Monday Mission, a phenomenon with a long history of which I only recently became aware, and which is currently being hosted by Painted Maypole. The mission, which I chose to accept and inflict on any unwitting readers, was to rewrite some song lyrics.

    If you enjoy this sort of thing, I must refer you to a masterful song re-writer. Mixmaster KC brought to the world an enlightened version of Baby Got Back, as well as a host of other insightful song rewrites.

    Update: Still not had enough? To read others of this Monday’s Mission, head over here.

    throwing some tomatoes

    tomato_pd.jpgIt shouldn’t come as much surprise that I have tomatoes on the brain. After getting 10 pounds of tomatoes from the CSA this week, on top of the several pounds I left from last week’s 10 pound haul, I have tomatoes in lots of places. I’ve been making lots of things with tomatoes: tomato salad with mozzarella and basil, tomato sandwiches, roasted tomatoes with garlic…It seems only fitting that I should also make me a tomato list. So, this week’s Themed Things Thursday is all about tomatoes.

    1. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, by Fannie Flagg. A novel featuring a restaurant that serves fried green tomatoes. (I expect they served other things, too. But the title doesn’t include the full menu.)
    2. Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) A movie based on the Fannie Flagg novel.
    3. The Tomato Collection. An album by Nina Simone. It actually seems to have nothing to do with tomatoes beyond the title, but I love Nina.
    4. The campfire song “Lord Jim”

      I know an old bloke and his name is Lord Jim,
      And he had a wife who threw tomatoes at him,
      Now tomatoes are juicy, don’t injure the skin,
      But these ones they did, they was inside a tin.

    5. “Let’s call the whole thing off.” The song written by George and Ira Gershwin. Sometimes known as “the tomato song,” due to this bit:

      You like potato and I like potahto,
      You like tomato and I like tomahto;
      Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
      Let’s call the whole thing off!

      Tomato, tomahto…or, as the Wikipedia tomato entry has, with somewhat dubious IPA:¹

      You like /təˈmeɪtoʊ/ and I like /təˈmɑːtəʊ/

    6. Don’t like tomatoes? Perhaps this website is for you: tomatoes are evil. You can purchase anti-tomato propaganda and play anti-tomato games.
    7. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978). The cult classic movie. A comedy sci-fi horror thriller romance. Oh, wait. Probably not the romance. Spawned (or sowed?) several tomato–based sequels, including one called Killer Tomatoes Eat France!² The second movie, or the first sequel, starred, of all people, George Clooney.
    8. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. (1990) A short-lived cartoon TV show featuring the voice of John Astin. (John Astin was also in all 3 movie sequels.)
    9. I think the best way to end this list is to give you this: the theme song to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

    ——————————————————–

    ¹ I’d be inclined to use square bracket here, rather than slanty ones, for a start, as the slanty ones suggest a phonemic (rather than narrow phonetic) transcription., and the 2 variants of /o/ (əʊ and oʊ) are not phonemic. At the same time, the onset of that last syllabe is transcribed with a t, which seems unlikely in American English. I’d go for a flap. And I produce strong aspiration on the first /t/.
    You know, you say /təˈmeɪtoʊ/, I say [tʰəˈmeɪɾəʊ].

    ²By the way, that exclamation point is part of the title. As someone who rations out my exclamation points, I feel compelled to insert this disclaimer.

    have you read the manual?

    New technology is often met with resistance and some confusion. Happily, there are usually people available to provide technical assistance. Apparently such help has been around a lot longer than I’d realized:

    Lifted off the dusty shelves of the raincoaster library.