squawk

pirateparrot.jpgHere it is, the day after International Talk Like a Pirate Day, and I’ve still got pirates on the brain. But rather than bringing you a list of pirates for this week’s Themed Things Thursday, I’ll bring you a list of the frequent pirate’s companion: the parrot.

A Flock of Parrots

  1. Parrots are frequently to be seen on the shoulders of pirates¹, specifically of fictional pirates. Captain Flint was a pirate’s parrot in Treasure Island, the pirate novel by Robert Louis Stevenson. More recently, we’ve seen the pirate in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
  2. Parrots, especially African Grey Parrots, are well known as birds who can imitate human speech.
  3. This is no doubt the source of the use of the word parrot as a verb (transitive), meaning repeat without really understanding. As in “They parroted my parrot jokes, but none of them laughed.”
  4. You can find a variety of parrot jokes out there. (These even a site with pirate and parrot jokes.) This is probably my favorite parrot joke.
  5. Polly want a cracker? The stereotypical parrot sentence, whether said to a parrot, or by a parrot. Possibly popularized in Robert Lewis Stevenson’s Treasure Island.
  6. Poll or Polly has been a common parrot name for centuries, with an early documented use from 1611.
  7. Also in the nursery rhyme:

    Little Poll Parrot
    Sat in his garret
    Eating toast and tea;
    A little brown mouse
    Jumped into the house,
    And stole it all away.

  8. Then there’s the song “Polly,” by Nirvana

    Polly wants a cracker
    I think I should get off her first
    I think she wants some water
    To put out the blow torch

  9. Or Paulie (1998), a movie about a parrot.
  10. Parrots have been featured in various folktales from around the world, like 2 Buddhist folktales from India “The Brave Little Parrot.” (who puts out a forest fire²) and “The Steadfast Parrot” (who is faithful to a tree) and an
    Italian folktale (involving a prince who has himself turned into a parrot).
  11. Other moderately famous parrots include Waldo the Parrot, from Twin Peaks (who seems to have been present, and biting, the night of Laura Palmer’s death) and Parrot, the parrot with biting sarcasm from the Terry Pratchett novel Faust Eric
  12. Parrot Heads are the nickname given to fans of the musician Jimmy Buffett
  13. And to round things off, I bring you Python’s parrot. The ex-parrot. He is decidedly not pining for the fjords.

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¹ Or about the arms and head, especially of those posing as pirates.

² Kind of like a friend of mine did recently, except he used a plastic bag to put out the fire.

how to talk like a pirate

jolly_roger.jpgWell, it’s finally arrrived. Today, September 19th, is Talk Like a Pirate Day. You’ve gotten yourself a pirate name, and brushed up on your pirate job skills. But are you still unclear on how best to talk like a pirate? Have no fearrrr.

There arrre many avenues to explore in learrrning how to talk like a pirate. An important resource is the “how to” page of the official Talk Like a Pirate Day website. There you can learrrn the basics (the 5 “A”s), more advanced pirate terminology (don’t confuse your hornpipe with your bunghole), and even advance all the way up to pick-up lines like this one:

How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

In case you don’t have time for such intensive language study, you may find one of several translators handy, like this one or this other one. This one acts as more of a phrase book, and allows you to produce such eloquent discourses as this:

Ahoy, me proud beauty! Be that th’ market? I’ve a fierce fire in m belly t’ have a bit of a lie-down’

Of course, it’s also important to work on your arrr, long considered to be one of the hallmarrrks of pirate speech. (If you’d like to learn the history of this phenomenon, The Language Log discussed this a couple of yearrrs ago.)

Here’s what you do to say “arr”:

  1. Step one: Say “ah”. (Your vowel may vary by dialect; [ɒ], [a] and [ɑ] are probably all legitimate.) You’ll probably want to put in a glottal stop at the start [ʔ].
  2. Step two: Quickly lower your third formant to produce the [ɹ] sound. This can be accomplished by curling the tongue back (retroflex “r”) or by bunching your tongue up (bunched-tongue “r”)

Now, if you want to say “arrr” like a pirate, the instructions above are just a starting point. To produce the piratical “arrr” tha we’ve come to expect. (Cf. Geoffrey Rush saying “arrr” in Pirates of the Caribbean), you really need to growl it. And for me, at least, this seems to possibly involve some pharyngeal frication, and possibly also some additional voice quality modifications. I’m not sure what I’m doing (not really just creakiness or breathiness), but it sure as hell isn’t modal phonation. A really effective arrr will also be quite loud: push the air strongly through those vocal folds, dammit. On top of all of this, you’ve got to really drag it out, especially the [ɹ] part. (Keep that 3rd formant down.) Arrrrr!!!!!

In an experimental study, subjects (N=2) produced both “normal” and piratical arrrs. Piratical arrrs were between 2 and 3 times the duration of “normal” arrrrs. See figures 1 and 2, below.

Figure 1: Arrrr! vs. ar, speaker A (male)
j_arrrr.jpg

Figure 2: Arrrr! vs. ar, speaker B (female)
a_arrrr.jpg

And in case you don’t have occasion to speak out loud today, you might try some pirate-style typing.
piratekeyboard1.jpg

RRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Shiver me timbers! Give me a job! Arrrr.

Dirty John Rackham
jrackham@arrrrr.com

OBJECTIVE

To contribute to your organization’s success through the use of exceptional customer service, managerial, and plundering skills. Or to find a position as a nanny. Arrrr.

QUALIFICATIONS

  • Hard-working, tough-skinned swash-buckling individual with questionable personal hygiene
  • Exceptional versatility, adaptability and swaggering
  • Solid managerial, administrative and looting experience
  • Ability to manage multiple tasks in a pressured environment.

PROFESSIONAL SKILLS
Interpersonal and Managerial skills

  • Interacted with and kidnapped a wide variety of personalities while pillaging, plundering, and wreaking havoc.
  • Delivered excellent customer service and conducted in-house plundering promotions
  • Proved multi-tasking abilities by scheduling and supervising crew of scurvy dogs, bilge rats and lily livered scalliwags
  • Served as right hand to notorious Bloody Captain Roberts (whose original right hand was lost to gangrene)

Administrative skills

  • Completed, submitted and burned edges of invoices and maps for buried treasure.
  • Fondled large sums of loot and booty.
  • Maintained rum inventory control.
  • Looted petty cash, payroll, inventory, accounts receivable and payable.
  • Said “Arrrrr!” a lot. (Mayhaps that be an interpersonal skill.)

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

  • Sailin’ the seas since I were a young lad and had all me teeth.

EDUCATION

  • I learnt things th’ hard way. I got th’ scars t’ prove it, ye landlubber. Arrrr.

——

This post can be blamed on a confluence of unrelated events: the Monday Mission, which asks this week for a post in the form of a resume, and the approach of Talk Like a Pirate Day (which is coming up on Wednesday, September 19.) This resume is very loosely based on a sample resume. Actually, quite a lot of lines from the resume worked pretty well from that verbatim. Arrrr.

Avast!

pirate_jack_rackham.jpg As Bloody Captain Rayner of the Fearsome Frigate Skwib informs, this week brings Talk Like a Pirate Day, an annual event that is marked by talking like pirates.

As we ramp up towards this venerable day, there are many piratical preparations to be made.

For a start, here’s a little quiz that helps you find your own pirate name. Don’t maraud on the high seas without one.

My pirate name is:
Black Anne Cash

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You’re musical, and you’ve got a certain style if not flair. You’ll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
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a breath of relief

I learned today that John’s friend, the one who was hit by a truck, is doing incredibly, amazingly, almost unbelievably better. Not only is he now out of intensive care, but he is back home. The last I’d heard he was going to be transferred to a rehab hospital, but it turns out that it was only for a few days. He still has much recovery to do, as his injuries were extensive. But, wow. Just wow. I am so relieved, and thrilled for him and his family.

In other much less weighty news, I am also relieved that a party is now behind me. Today was a friend’s bridal shower. A surprise bridal shower. And I was, somewhat unwillingly, one of the instigators. I am one of the bridesmaids, and it was my job to bring the bride to her shower on the pretense of going to a bridesmaid’s dress fitting. And I really don’t do deception well. I can hide things, I’m reasonably good at plotting and planning, and kind of enjoy making stuff up. But I have trouble lying to someone’s face. I’m a terrible poker player, at least when it comes to the poker face part. Then there’s the whole issue of fearing I’ll spoil the surprise. (I did spoil the surprise for a surprise party once, in college. A friend told me that I was invited to a birthday party that a mutual acquaintance was throwing for her girlfriend. He didn’t mention that it was a surprise party, dammit, and when I saw the birthday girl I said I’d see her that weekend, or something. When I realized she didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, I tried to cover it up, but the beans had been spillled. Spilled, I tell you. Damn beans. A word of advice to anyone inviting people to surprise party: specify that it is indeed a surprise party.) Anyhow, I did not blow the surprise this time. I feel that I am now one step closer to being qualified to become a criminal mastermind.

listless

Here it is Thursday, and that means I’m due for a list of Themed Things. But the thing is, I’m tired. It’s been a long week, with a couple more busy days ahead, and well, my brain is fried. So I suppose I could come up with a list of fried things. But I have to say that is not a theme I can envision myself making a list about. So instead, I’ll make a list of things I can’t envision myself making lists about.

  • bricks
  • doorknobs
  • mold
  • tissues
  • ethernet cables
  • plungers
  • eyebrows
  • curtains
  • gall bladders
  • pocket lint

If you have any suggestions for other lists I shouldn’t write, please let me know.

You want the pants? You can’t handle the pants.

Well, maybe you can handle the pants. In fact, I’ve promised pants. And I’ve given pants. And I think that you deserve more pants.

In the great tradition of the pants game, I offer to you the following great movie pants movie moments:

  • “Go ahead, make my pants.” — Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood), Sudden Impact (1983)
  • “You can’t handle the pants!” — Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “May the Pants be with you.” — Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Star Wars (1977)
  • “Fasten your pants. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” — Margo Channing (Bette Davis), All About Eve (1950)
  • “The stuff that pants are made of.” — Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart), The Maltese Falcon (1941)
  • “Show me the pants!” — Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise), Jerry Maguire (1996)
  • “I have always depended on the pants of strangers.” — Blanche Dubois (Vivien Leigh), A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
  • “Round up the usual pants.” — Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca (1942)
  • “Pants? We ain’t got no pants! We don’t need no pants! I don’t have to show you any stinking pants!” — “Gold Hat” (Alfonso Bedoya), The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
  • “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the pants.” — Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis), Now, Voyager (1942)
  • “Keep your friends close, but your pants closer.” — Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), The Godfather: Part II (1974)
  • “Get your stinking pants off me, you damned dirty ape.” — George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes (1968)
  • “We’ll always have pants.” — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca (1942)

just posts (and just posted)

The August Just Posts are up and strong. In case you don’t know them, they are a collection of posts from around the blogosphere where people have written on topics of social justice and all types of activism. Not only are these posts about activism, they are activism. And what’s cool is that you can exercise your own activist muscles, too. Just by clicking on the links.

The posts are on a wide range of topics: race and racism, gender, healthcare, poverty, environmental issues, and more… Have a look. Just visit any one of these folks listed below, now representing 3 continents, for a list of links.

jen   mad   hel   susanne

august_just_posts.jpg

I usually have to work myself up to writing about topics of activism. Even though they are topics that I think about often. I like to write fun stuff. I try to entertain. So it almost feels like an intrusion when I write about a serious topic. It’s particularly hard for me to write about controversial topics. I am a person with strong opinions, but a quiet voice. I fear confrontation, I fear conflict. So the post I just put up makes me feel vulnerable. I just posted something both personal and political, and I didn’t even have my editor look at it first. At the same time that I want people to read what I wrote, I want it to be buried to save me the risk of attack. It’s silly, I know. I’m working on building up that spine. Are there exercises you can do for that?

squandered

Today is September 11th. A Tuesday even, just like it was 6 years ago. It’s a day that can hardly go unmarked. Many will talk about what the day means, I’m sure many already have. But others will just remember in silence.

I’m sad today about the events of that awful day. That shocking, appalling, mind-numbingly terrible day. I don’t have the right words to describe the tragedy of that day, the grief of those who lost loved ones, the fear and hardship of those who died, or even of those who survived. I can mostly say that I am sad.

But I’m also sad about what’s happened to the world since then. Because even more people have suffered. More have died tragic and violent deaths. The loss continues.

In the hours and days after the news of the September 11th attacks broke, the world was a changed place. There was an outpouring of solidarity from people the world over. I was moved by the images of people in many countries displaying US flags, holding vigils, displaying signs with words of sympathy. “We are all Americans, today.” As an American by birth, I was humbled. I am humbled. There was the sense that many individuals who were critical of the US, hostile towards the US, even, overlooked our differences, and joined together in grief. More than anything, I felt the shared humanity.

Naive as it sounds, I thought that maybe that moment of shared humanity could lead towards peace. So much hostility was dropped in the face of such sadness, in the face of the horror and outrage, that I imagined the avenues of diplomacy opened.

Of course, I was wrong.

Instead, the attacks of September 11th were used by the US government as a license to wage war. The tragedy and brutality of that day have been used as a political tool, to spread fear and hatred. The result has been more tragedy and brutality. More fear and hatred.

So now my grief for the victims of September 11th is compounded. I grieve for victims in Afghanistan. I grieve for victims in Iraq. I grieve for the soldiers, American and other nationalities, who have lost their lives. I grieve for the pain and physical hardship, for the psychological traumas, that all of these people have gone through. That they continue to go through. I feel for all of their families. I feel for the refugees. I feel for the prisoners. And for the many, many others whose lives are impacted. And I am sick with worry that violence will continue to escalate. The murmurings of a war with Iran quite frankly scare the crap out of me.

There is too much to fear, too much to grieve for.

And on top of it all, I still carry grief for that lost opportunity to wage peace.