peachy keen

peach1web.jpg
This week’s edition of Themed Things Thursday is as peachy as can be, with a hand-picked selection of juicy bits of peach. Just in time for Summer.¹

  1. Do I dare to eat a peach?

    The line from T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock“:

    Shall I part my hair behind?
    Do I dare to eat a peach?
    I shall wear white flannel trousers,
    and walk upon the beach.
    I have heard the mermaids singing,
    each to each.

  2. The peach story of Zhang Daoling, founder of a sect of Taoism. Followers had to prove their faith by leaping an improbable distance to pick peaches. (Did they dare to pick a peach?)
  3. James and the Giant Peach
    The book by Roald Dahl, and animated movie (1996) based on the book. Involves a boy and a journey in a…giant peach.
  4. momotaro The old Japanese folk tale about the “peach boy.” An old woman finds a giant peach floating down the river, which turns out to contain a boy. She and her husband adopt the boy and name him James. No, wait. Taro.

    Another, possibly older version of the momotaro tale involved the older couple eating an unusual peach they found, being rejuvenated by said peach, and then…gasp…having sex, leading to the birth of the peach boy.

  5. Peaches have often been associated with sex, and their cleft shape has been likened to buttocks. Apparently in several cultures, such as in Japan. There’s also A Pathan song (which I read mentioned in M. M. Kaye’s The Far Pavilions) is said to contain the following lines:
    giantpeach.gif

    There is a boy, across the river
    With a bottom like a peach
    But alas, I can’t swim.

  6. There’s a South Carolina roadside attraction that is a water tower shaped and painted like a giant peach. It’s said to look like a big orange butt.
  7. Peaches, by the Presidents of the United States. (Hear the song, and see the video. But I warn you, this is a song that can get stuck in your head. It was once stuck in my head for days. Insidious, I tell you.)

    moving to the country
    gonna eat a lot of peaches
    I’m moving to the country
    I’m gonna eat me a lot of peaches

    peaches come from a can
    they were put there by a man
    in a factory downtown
    if I had my little way
    I’d eat peaches every day

  8. Peaches (2004). A movie featuring a peach cannery, and a young woman who works there.
  9. The Ripest Peach, a poem by James Whitcomb Riley. Likens a woman to a peach (that’s out of reach):

    The ripest peach is highest on the tree —
    And so her love, beyond the reach of me,
    Is dearest in my sight. Sweet breezes, bow
    Her heart down to me where I worship now!

  10. There’s the expression “be a peach.” As in “you’re a peach,” “he’s a peach,” or “she’s a peach.” Means more-or-less “be nice.” There was a Bloom County comic strip once about Reagan, where one character argues for his impeachment, and another talks about what a nice guy he seemed, leading to the line “impeach the peach!”

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¹ It’s Summer now, for those of us who live in the Northern Hemisphere. In fact, just today is the Summer Solstice, starting off the official Summer season by some calendars.

If I take off my pants, do I get a different rating?

What's My Blog Rated? From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating
(Snagged from twoluvcats of a wealth of semi-useless informtion.)

In case you’re wondering how I managed to score this rating, because perhaps you hadn’t noticed any steamy sex scenes (or any steamy pseudo-sex scenes) of late, the site is kind enough to give the criteria on which the judgment was made:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

ass (8x)
sex (3x)
dangerous (1x)

My site, especially the current front page with my two recent kick-ass women posts is a bit heavy on the ass. They seem to have only counted the free-standing ass tokens (as in “she kicked some ass”) and not those in compounds (such as my 20+ tokens off kick-ass).

I apparently also had sex three times on my front page. Woohoo! Getting some action! Of course, I was writing about the pheromones of Star Trek aliens, and the sex-free relationship of two other fictional characters. (I also used the word asexual a couple of times in that post. And that’s got sex right in the middle of it.)

And then, here’s the kicker. “Dangerous” contributes to an R-rating? Hello? This makes me unbearably curious about what other words might be considered too titillating for general audiences. For example, would synonyms of dangerous be considered equally as adult?

Roget’s New Millennium™ Thesaurus
Main Entry: dangerous
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: hazardous
Synonyms: alarming, bad, breakneck*, chancy, critical, dangersome, deadly, delicate, dynamite, exposed, fatal, formidable, hairy*, heavy*, hot*, impending, impregnable, insecure, jeopardous, loaded, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, parlous, perilous, portentous, precarious, pressing, queasy, risky, serious, serpentine, shaky, speculative, terrible, thorny*, threatening, ticklish*, touch-and-go*, touchy, treacherous, ugly*, unhealthy, unsafe, unstable, urgent, viperous, vulnerable
Antonyms: protected, safe, secure, unhazardous
Source: Roget’s New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1)
Copyright © 2007 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.
* = informal or slang

I’m thinking that parious sounds pretty racy, not to mention thorny and ticklish. As for speculative? Well, let’s not even go there.

Anyhow, I would have been inclined to generally rate my site with a PG-13 rating. Which, oddly enough, is how my real life gets rated according to this quiz swiped from raincoaster:

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn’t totally scandalous, but you definitely don’t shy away from adult themes!

the farmin’ life

It’s week 3 of my CSA adventure. The farm had a “volunteer day” yesterday, and Phoebe and I stopped by to lend a hand with some weeding. I actually managed to pull up a few weeds and chatted a bit with the farmer and the one other volunteer who was there before Phoebe decided that she was ready to go.

Here’s a photo of Phoebe, picking clover flowers. In the background are the farm’s fields, which have row after row of lettuce. Did I mention there’s been a lot of lettuce?

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This week’s pick-up was again heavy on the lettuce. We were supposed to get 5 heads of lettuce. (Yes, 5.) Plus a half pound of mixed loose salad greens. I traded in some of my lettuce for some extra kohlrabi and kale. I also got beets (we got the beets!), bok choi, chard, scallions and garlic scapes. I’m intrigued by the garlic scapes, which are shoots that grow up from the garlic bulbs.

And I really should be in bed now, as I have to get up early and go to work tomorrow. I think I’ll pack a lunch. I’m thinking maybe a lettuce sandwich.

entertaining tips from American Hovel Magazine

American Hovel Magazine, April 2007 cover A few months ago, I shared the news that our home was featured on the cover of American Hovel Magazine‘s April edition, following our interview with that magazine earlier this year. Well, readers were so impressed by the chaotic state of our home that AHM has asked me to write some features myself as a guest author. Here is a draft of the article I’m working on, inspired by having recently had guests staying overnight.

Preparing for Overnight Guests, an American Hovel Magazine feature by guest writer alejna

When you know that guests will be staying over, it always helps to be prepared. If you have a guest room, or believe that you may have one lying around somewhere, it is a good start to find and prep this room. Here are some steps to follow to accomplish this goal.

  • Step 1: Find the guest room
    The first step is to locate and identify your own guest room. A guest room is a room in your house that may or may not have a door. Often, this room will be the place that you have found convenient to set aside items for “temporary” storage: boxes of clothing to be packed up or donated, piles of books and papers, small items of furniture or sundry toys that your child may have outgrown, odds and ends of obsolete technology, mysterious cables, miscellaneous repair or creative projects in various stages of completion, seasonal decor items given to you by your mother-in-law, holiday presents sent by various out-of-state relatives, holiday presents you never got around to mailing to various out-of-state relatives, and/or out-of-state relatives that you forgot were visiting. (Actual contents of guest rooms may vary.)
  • Step 2: find the sleeping surface
    Guest rooms typically feature some sort of bed or convertible sofa-type piece of furniture that allows your guests to sleep in relative comfort. (Many guests find that kitchen floors, front lawns or bathtubs are not terribly comfortable as sleeping arrangements. However, in a pinch, these will do. Make sure to offer a blanket or tarp.) You are likely to find that the bed (or other sleeping surface) can be found under the largest pile of items listed in Step 1.
  • Step 3: clear the bed or other sleeping surface
    Once you have identified the bed (or other sleeping surface, hereafter called simply, “the Bed”), it is time to undertake the most challenging task: “clearing” the Bed. This daunting task may take many hours, and will most likely be attempted when the arrival of your guests is imminent. Be prepared by having ready the proper tools for the job: rakes, shovels, forklifts and hard liquor. You may also find it helpful to have a phone nearby, so that you may call a sympathetic friend or relative to help ease the emotional burden of the task.

    One of the seemingly impossible aspects of “clearing” the Bed is to find places to put those items that have so long been inhabiting the Bed space. The ideal way to deal with this is to carefully sort through all the items, give away or discard those items that are no longer in use, and find appropriate permanent storage solutions for the rest. You will not have the time or energy for the ideal way, because your guests are almost here, and if you could so easily deal with things in the ideal way, you wouldn’t be reading this magazine, because you are neat and organized and you have in the past been likened to Martha Stewart. You will instead need to follow the more expedient method: move the items from the Bed to other spaces around the house that your guests will not see. Suggestions include: your own bedroom, office, car, back yard (depending on the season), neighbor’s yard, or if you have more than one bathroom, in a bathtub or shower.

  • Step 4: Prepare the Bed
    You will find that many guests will expect to find some sort of bed linens in place on the Bed, and that further, the expectation is that such linens will be clean. However, few guests will actually ask if the bed linens are fresh. Therefore, if time is short, and the sheets are not visibly soiled by any previous guests or nesting animals, you may find that a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy is helpful.¹
  • That is all for this installment of hints for preparing for overnight guests. There are other preparation considerations that may be helpful, however, I believe that your own guests are now pulling into your driveway anyhow, so you will just have to wing it this time.

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    ¹ For those guests who may have recently visited my own home: I put clean sheets on the bed. Seriously.

    on with the squid

    new-sign.jpg This roadsign picture I saw on raincoaster made me very happy.

    It’s about time I started writing more about squid. This blog doesn’t have enough squid. Or nearly enough tokens of the word squid.

    Squid.

    Squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid, squid. Squid, squid.

    Did I mention squid?

    enough about me

    Okay, I lied. It’s really still about me.

    A little over a week ago, YTSL lobbed a request over that I should participate in this meme activity by which I list 7 little known things (or random facts or habits, if I trace it back further.) about myself.¹ I like things. I like lists. And apparently I like to write stuff about myself

    7 things about me that I didn’t list in that other post with 6 things about me

    1. I used to be able to get into the yoga “lotus” position without using my hands. Oh, wait. I guess I still can. It hurts a bit more than I remember, though…
    2. I once had a collection of dimes. I was maybe 8 years old. They were just dimes. I found them aesthetically pleasing. Their size, their shape, the feel of them. I brought my collection to “show and tell” once, and the teacher asked what was special about the dimes. I was a bit perplexed by the question.
    3. I often have dreams that I can fly.
    4. I have a bit of a fear of moths. They give me the eebie jeebies.
    5. I like heights. I get kind of a rush from being up high. Kind of an anti-vertigo. (Funny. There was a Mel Brooks movie made in the 70s called High Anxiety that was a parody of Hitchcock’s Vertigo. At least one scene was filmed the Hyatt Regency Hotel in San Francisco, which had glass elevators that went up quite high. I loved that building, and those elevators.)
    6. I don’t watch TV. For someone who has written 26 posts to date with the tag “TV,” this seems odd. I watched a lot as a kid, but have little idea what’s even on these days. I watch things on TV, but only DVDs. Mostly movies. Some old TV series. The only current shows I’ve watched in the last couple of years have been available as iTunes downloads.
    7. I am fidgety. I have trouble sitting still. You’ll often find me twiddling a pen, shredding a paper napkin, twisting a straw…or doodling. I’ve got some crazy-ass elaborate doodles. Doodles, dood.

    This is one of those things where I’m supposed to tag others. I’ve considered tagging people I don’t know at all, like, say, Kevin Smith or someone else who’s used the tag pants. Or a blog I hit by using the “next blog” function on WordPress, that gives you random blog after random blog. (And hey, if any of you, Kevin, pants person, or even more randomly selected person would like to play along, please consider yourselves tagged!) Or I can play by the self-selection, tag-free rules, as exemplified by the extraordinary KC. Anyhow, if you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. Like a polar bear or sea turtle that scientists are tracking. (Don’t worry. The tranquilizer will wear off soon.)

    ————————————————–

    ¹ I also owe another meme to her. Plus I got tagged by NotSoSage for a different meme the same day. Woohoo. Meme me, baby. (I’ll get to that one at some point, too, Sage.)

    ² As we all know, writing about oneself is the prime motivation for 98.725% of bloggers.³

    ³ I made up that statistic. But anyone want to prove me wrong?⁴

    ⁴ Huh? Huh?

    green party

    I’ve been trying to live greener of late. Cutting back on waste. Reducing, reusing, recycling. And I’ve also been eating a lot of vegetables recently, greens even, which make me feel like I might turn green. However, even with all this green-ness, I’ll never ever be as green as the green dudes I’ve listed below. Because this Thursday’s theme is green people.

    So here we have them. Following up on the blues and the reds, we got the greens. Green people and green people-like creatures. Sporting green fur, green skin, green what have you.

    Green People

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    1. The Wicked Witch of the West, from the Wizard of Oz, the 1939 movie.
    2. Elphaba from Gregory Maguire’s Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. Based on the green woman of Oz. (Also in the Broadway muscial based on the book.)
    3. The Green Goddess. The title of two movies from 1923 and 1930. (I’m not actually sure how green the goddess actually was, seeing as the movies were in black and white. But potentially green.) Also a salad dressing.
    4. The Jolly Green Giant. Big. Really big. Likes his vegetables.
    5. The Green Children of Woolpit. Two children who supposedly appeared in a village in England in the 1100s. And were green.
    6. Little Green Men. Aliens. From space. Who are green. And small.
    7. Yoda. Of the Star Wars series. Green, he is.
    8. Kif from Futurama. A little, green, long-suffering and sensitive man.
    9. kif.jpg

    10. Orions from the planet Orion, as featured on Star Trek. Remarkably human-sized, as green aliens go. The Orion women have crazy-powerful sex pheromones: “They are like animals, vicious, seductive. They say no human male can resist them.”
    11. Dipsy. A freakin’ Teletubby. A bit on the chartreuse side, as greens go, but green nonetheless, and allegedly “stylish”:

      Dipsy is the second-biggest Teletubby, and undoubtedly the most stylish, but being super cool doesn’t stop Dipsy loving big hugs.

    12. Green is generally a popular color for monsters. Like Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc.
    13. Wally, the Green Monster. Apparently based on the nickname of the wall at Fenway.
    14. Shrek. Green ogre from the book by William Steig. Also from the movies (2001, 2004 and 2007). Also Fiona.
    15. Various muppets. Such as Green Anything Muppets. Also Oscar (the grouch). (And Kermit, though in his case, green is not too surprising a color. Being a frog, and all.)
    16. The Grinch. The Dr. Seuss character.
    17. The Hulk. Big. Green. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. As seen in the 2003 movie, 70s TV show, comics, and more.

    wickedbookcover.jpg oscar.jpgteletubbies_dipsy.jpg

    wicked_witch.jpgwally_the_green_monster.jpgyoda.jpg

    a crisis of pants

    It is imperative that I produce a pants post, pronto. I’ve had a request from a pants enthusiast for some fresh pants. And I’ve been rummaging through my pants pile, and coming up time and time again without the right pants. I thought I’d hit bottom. What could possibly top the pants I previously posted?

    Just in the nick of time, my friend jenny sent me a link to a dramatic pants saga, a tale in which a young woman urgently cries out to the universe:

    “Have you seen my pants?”

    Read all about it. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll hold your pants close.

    learn to dance in 3 easy steps

    Okay, so maybe these videos won’t teach you to dance. But they are lots of fun to watch:

    1. The Jan Pehechan-Ho dance scene from Gumnaam (1966) (and featured in the movie Ghost World )
    2. Christopher Walken dances to Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice”
    3. OK Go, their famous treadmill dance to “Here it goes again”. (Hat-tip to jeanerz, who thought she was the last person on earth to have seen this, but who was the first who showed it to me.)