Category: lists

You want the pants? You can’t handle the pants.

Well, maybe you can handle the pants. In fact, I’ve promised pants. And I’ve given pants. And I think that you deserve more pants.

In the great tradition of the pants game, I offer to you the following great movie pants movie moments:

  • “Go ahead, make my pants.” — Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood), Sudden Impact (1983)
  • “You can’t handle the pants!” — Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), A Few Good Men (1992)
  • “May the Pants be with you.” — Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Star Wars (1977)
  • “Fasten your pants. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” — Margo Channing (Bette Davis), All About Eve (1950)
  • “The stuff that pants are made of.” — Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart), The Maltese Falcon (1941)
  • “Show me the pants!” — Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise), Jerry Maguire (1996)
  • “I have always depended on the pants of strangers.” — Blanche Dubois (Vivien Leigh), A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
  • “Round up the usual pants.” — Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains), Casablanca (1942)
  • “Pants? We ain’t got no pants! We don’t need no pants! I don’t have to show you any stinking pants!” — “Gold Hat” (Alfonso Bedoya), The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
  • “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the pants.” — Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis), Now, Voyager (1942)
  • “Keep your friends close, but your pants closer.” — Michael Corleone (Al Pacino), The Godfather: Part II (1974)
  • “Get your stinking pants off me, you damned dirty ape.” — George Taylor (Charlton Heston), Planet of the Apes (1968)
  • “We’ll always have pants.” — Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Casablanca (1942)

procrastinator’s horoscope for today…or tomorrow

The Procrastinator’s Horoscope, September 10, 2007:
For today or tomorrow. Or maybe some time later this week.

Aries (March 21-April 19): That deadline is fast approaching, so you’d best get cracking. That project absolutely needs to be done by Friday, and you have a lot of work left to do. Wait, Friday? That’s days away! I mean, practically a week. You can afford to spend a little bit of time online before you dig in. Surf’s up!

Taurus (April 20-May 20): It’s about time you wrote the email you’ve been putting off writing. It’s a sensitive matter, so make sure to choose your words carefully. Stare at your computer screen. Type “Dear Bob.” Wait, does “dear” sound to personal, or maybe too formal? Better delete that and start over. Type “Hey Bob!” No, that’s too informal. Delete that. Hey, look, you got an email! Your buddy sent you a link to a really funny YouTube video. Man, YouTube is cool. I wonder how many videos are up there that have “Bob” in their title?

Gemini (May 21-June 21): Before you get started on your day’s tasks, check on your blog, if you have one. How’s traffic on that last post? Any new comments? Any interesting search terms? How about now? Ok, that’s enough. Let’s get to work. But wait, any new comments now? What about now? Now? If you don’t have a blog, today would be a good day to start one. Maybe two.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): It’s time to pay bills again. Get yourself organized. You’ll need the checkbook, a pen, and some stamps. Oh, and the bills. Where are those bills? Oh, right. Under the pile of catalogs. Hey, what’s new at L.L. Bean, by the way? Didn’t you need to look for some gloves? Ooo, and look at that sweater on page 17.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): The day is already half gone, and you’ve barely even thought about the work you need to do. You must need some coffee. Go get some coffee right now. Go for a walk, even. You know, get that blood pumping. You can absolutely start working after you’ve had a quick walk and some coffee. And maybe a nap. Walks can zap the energy right out of you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your kitchen is a mess, and you have relatives coming over tomorrow. It’s time to scrub the floor, clear off the counters, clean out the furry things from the fridge, and tackle that huge pile of dishes. But have no fears, cleaning can be fun with the right tunes. Maybe you should put together a cool playlist on iTunes. You might need to add to your collection a bit to get just the right mix, too.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): It’s about time you got around to sorting through that pile of boxes in the basement or closet. Start by restacking the boxes neatly. Doesn’t stacking boxes remind you of Tetris? I bet you can find Tetris online these days.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): If you don’t do laundry today, you won’t have any clean socks to wear tomorrow. Gather up your dirty clothes, and sort through them. That’s a cool shirt. Didn’t you want to get another one like that in another color? You’d better go buy one now before they run out. You can buy socks for tomorrow, too, while you’re at it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Today is the day to start being more productive. Absolutely today. The first step is to make that decision. See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? The next step is to get yourself savvy about the ways of the uber-productive, by reading some books or websites or something. Write that down on a Post-it. Aren’t Post-its cool? Hey, remember how Romy and Michelle pretended to have invented Post-its? That was a funny movie. Put it on your Netflix queue. Wow, it’s been a while since you’ve updated that queue.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): With fall around the corner, now would be a good time to finally start that home repair project. Before you get going, make sure you have all the supplies you’ll need. You’d better check in some home reference books for details. Or maybe some magazines. Or wait, isn’t there a home improvement network on TV?

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Spend at least an hour futzing around before you consider attempting anything. For good measure, you may also want to loaf, putter, amble and goof off. Time’s a wasting. That’s your motto. Or make that “Time’s for Wasting.”

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Just stay in bed today.

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Brought to you by this week’s Monday Mission, which solicits posts written in the form of a horoscope.

Don’t they know what’s going to happen?

The news has come out that scientists will soon be combining animal and human DNA. This Washington Post article gives a rundown:

Britain to Allow Creation of Hybrid Embryos

Capping a months-long scientific and ethics review, British regulators said yesterday that they are prepared to allow the creation of embryos that are part human and part animal for use in medical experiments.

We all know how this is going to play out. Scientists will create these hybrids for good, but then they’ll turn evil. It’s only a matter of time before we start hearing about crazed half-cow, half-humans going on murderous flesh-eating rampages, or plotting the destruction of human civilization. Just look at the background research:

Movies where scientists conduct experiments involving blending humans with animals, which go horribly wrong

  1. The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977) and (1996), Island of Lost Souls (1933), based on the H. G. Wells book. A scientist creates hybrids with humans and various animals. Who turn evil!
  2. Dr. Renault’s Secret (1942)
    A scientist turns an ape into a man. But then he turns evil!
  3. Ssssss (1973)
    A movie involving turning people into snakes. Who turn evil!
  4. The Fly (1958) and (1986)
    A scientist accidently blends himself with a fly. Then turns evil!

    5. fly_labcoat2.jpg

  5. Creature Unknown (2003)
    A scientist makes a lizard/human hybrid. That turns evil!
  6. Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy (2005)

    When he began fusing human and shark DNA, his colleagues laughed at him. Now his creation is taking his revenge, and they aren’t laughing anymore.

  7. Tank Girl (1995)
    This movie features the Rippers: human-kangaroo hybrids. Created by scientists as fighting machines, they…turn good! And fight the bad guys. So, if we’re lucky, the British scientists will work mostly with kangaroo DNA.

fly_screaming.jpg

10 little piggy-pig-pigtail-people

As might be inferred from my last post, I am decidedly pro-pigtail. In celebration of pigtails, I bring you the following pigtail-themed list.

The 10 people on this list have one thing in common. Or two things, really. Pigtails. Whether it’s two braids, or two little pony tails, these folks know how to do the two-do with style.

  1. Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy’s pigtails with their blue-ribbon bows are iconic, and a standard feature of Dorothy costumes, along with the blue gingham dress and ruby slippers. Many illustrations of the original book (The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, by L. Frank Baum), also show Dorothy in pigtails.

    2. dorothy.jpg dorothy_book.jpg

  2. Ronald Ann from Berke Breathed’s cartoon Outland. She started off with 3 pigtails, but her do evolved to the classic 2.

    3. outland_ronald_ann.jpg

  3. Laura of Little House on the Prairie. I’m familiar with the TV show Laura, as played by Melissa Gilbert. I can’t speak for her hair in the books on which the show was based. (I loved her braided pigtails when I was about 11, and would occasionally wear my hair that way.)

    4. laura_little_house.jpg pippi.jpg

  4. Pippi Longstockings. The super-strong Pippi, of the books and movies, has bright red pigtails that defy gravity.

    5. brady_cindy1.jpgcindy1.jpgcindy2.jpg

  5. Cindy from the Brady Bunch, in the early days. The youngest one in curls. Which were often in pigtails.

    6. nbsp;

    Then there are various girly-girl cartoon & animé characters wear pigtails, like…
    sailor_moon.gifbubbles.gif

  6. Bubbles, the Powerpuff Girl. The sweet girly-girl one, and
  7. Sailor Moon, who has really, really long blond pigtails.

    8. And lest you think that pigtails are just for toddlers and schoolgirls, I submit to you the following pigtail-sporting women:

  8. Jennifer Schwalbach Smith (aka Kevin Smith’s wife) wore pigtails with her black leather catsuit in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) (I actually found a picture of Kevin Smith in pigtails, which was not something I expected to find.)

    9. jennifer_smith1.jpg buffy_pigtails2.jpg

  9. Buffy, on occasion, also sported pigtails. Like in the episode “Fear Itself,” a bit which you can see on YouTube. (Okay, so Buffy’s dressed in a Little Red Riding Hood Halloween costume in this one, but other times she wears pigtails when not dressed as a little girl.)

    10. michelle_yeoh1.jpg

  10. Michelle Yeoh in Supercop/Jing cha gu shi III: Chao ji jing cha/ Police Story III: Supercop: I mentioned once before that my favorite scene in this movie is a fight scene where she’s wearing her hair in braided pigtails. Those braids go a-flyin’ as she kicks some serious ass.

throwing some tomatoes

tomato_pd.jpgIt shouldn’t come as much surprise that I have tomatoes on the brain. After getting 10 pounds of tomatoes from the CSA this week, on top of the several pounds I left from last week’s 10 pound haul, I have tomatoes in lots of places. I’ve been making lots of things with tomatoes: tomato salad with mozzarella and basil, tomato sandwiches, roasted tomatoes with garlic…It seems only fitting that I should also make me a tomato list. So, this week’s Themed Things Thursday is all about tomatoes.

  1. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, by Fannie Flagg. A novel featuring a restaurant that serves fried green tomatoes. (I expect they served other things, too. But the title doesn’t include the full menu.)
  2. Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) A movie based on the Fannie Flagg novel.
  3. The Tomato Collection. An album by Nina Simone. It actually seems to have nothing to do with tomatoes beyond the title, but I love Nina.
  4. The campfire song “Lord Jim”

    I know an old bloke and his name is Lord Jim,
    And he had a wife who threw tomatoes at him,
    Now tomatoes are juicy, don’t injure the skin,
    But these ones they did, they was inside a tin.

  5. “Let’s call the whole thing off.” The song written by George and Ira Gershwin. Sometimes known as “the tomato song,” due to this bit:

    You like potato and I like potahto,
    You like tomato and I like tomahto;
    Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
    Let’s call the whole thing off!

    Tomato, tomahto…or, as the Wikipedia tomato entry has, with somewhat dubious IPA:¹

    You like /təˈmeɪtoʊ/ and I like /təˈmɑːtəʊ/

  6. Don’t like tomatoes? Perhaps this website is for you: tomatoes are evil. You can purchase anti-tomato propaganda and play anti-tomato games.
  7. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978). The cult classic movie. A comedy sci-fi horror thriller romance. Oh, wait. Probably not the romance. Spawned (or sowed?) several tomato–based sequels, including one called Killer Tomatoes Eat France!² The second movie, or the first sequel, starred, of all people, George Clooney.
  8. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. (1990) A short-lived cartoon TV show featuring the voice of John Astin. (John Astin was also in all 3 movie sequels.)
  9. I think the best way to end this list is to give you this: the theme song to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

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¹ I’d be inclined to use square bracket here, rather than slanty ones, for a start, as the slanty ones suggest a phonemic (rather than narrow phonetic) transcription., and the 2 variants of /o/ (əʊ and oʊ) are not phonemic. At the same time, the onset of that last syllabe is transcribed with a t, which seems unlikely in American English. I’d go for a flap. And I produce strong aspiration on the first /t/.
You know, you say /təˈmeɪtoʊ/, I say [tʰəˈmeɪɾəʊ].

²By the way, that exclamation point is part of the title. As someone who rations out my exclamation points, I feel compelled to insert this disclaimer.

pigeon post

On our recent trip, we saw many exciting things in France and Germany: monuments, museums, landscapes, rivers, you name it. For Phoebe, however, the highlight of the trip was getting to see so many pigeons. She saw pigeons all over the place! (See her chase a pigeon in the short, short movie I posted earlier this week.)

Loved by some, hated by many, pigeons are a ubiquitous in cities the world all over. Some folks have been known to call them “rats with wings,” while others happily share their breadcrumbs with them. After its trip away, Themed Things Thursday flies home this week with a list of pigeons.

  • Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, by Mo Willems. A picturebook about a mischievous pigeon who would like to drive a bus. (There’s a sequel, too, The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog, in which the pigeon, and I hope I’m not giving too much away here, finds a hot dog.)
  • Wringer, by Jerry Spinelli. This Newbury Honor book is about a forbidden boy-pigeon friendship in a town that hosts an annual pigeon shoot.

    • pigeon_messengers_engraving.jpg

  • Ewan McGregor’s character in Little Voice (1998) kept pigeons as pets.
  • Valiant (2005) was a movie about a heroic World War II homing pigeon (voiced by Ewan McGregor…am I sensing a pattern here?).
  • Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, by Tom Lehrer. A song:

    When they see us coming,
    the birdies all try and hide
    but they still go for peanuts
    when coated with cyanide

  • Rapper Pigeon John is not really a pigeon, at least as far as I know.
  • Some may remember Sesame Street’s Bert dancing a pigeon-like dance to “doin’ the pigeon,” a clip of which is available on YouTube. (You can also see actual pigeons dancing, if you want to compare.)
  • There was an 80’s kids’ TV show called Pigeon Street. (The intro is also up on YouTube.)

    • dove.jpg

  • In spite of their bad reputation as a species, certain pigeons have received an especially elevated status for birds. Namely, bird of peace. In this context, the pigeon is referred to as a dove. A dove being a white pigeon.
  • Doves are featured in various myths and religious tales, such as the well-known story of Noah’s Ark. Land was found with the help of a dove, who flew back to the ark with an olive branch.
  • There is also a flock of pigeon-oriented idioms and terms such as:
    pigeon hole, stool pigeon, pigeon-toed, pigeon-chested, setting the cat among the pigeons, and pigeon blood ruby.
  • Brian Pigeon: There is even a blog out there written by a London pigeon. Check it out for a pigeon’s eye view of the world.

pigeons_row.jpg
Pigeons at Beaubourg.

retour de France (und von Deutschland)

We’re back home now, as of about 6:00 p.m., after a fairly long but blissfully uneventful travel day. (No delays, no lost belongings, no mishaps to speak of.) I just put Phoebe to bed in her own room, in her own crib. I will probably keep this short, as it is 2:00 in the morning according to the way my own internal clock has been set. (I just dozed off holding Phoebe, sitting in the glider up in her room.)

It is good to be home, and to be reunited with my laptop. I hope to catch up soon in my blog reading, as well as in responding to comments. (Thanks for all those comments I got during my trip, by the way. Yay, comments!) I really spent almost no time on the computer during the trip, aside from those couple posts, and time uploading photos. I have a bunch of things I want to write about that are trip-related, many of which could turn into posts at some point. Here, have a list:

  • descriptions of food I ate (especially during two final days of gluttony)
  • reflections on using my rusty French (it came back more easily than I thought, but sometimes a bit messily)
  • thoughts on returning to France 18 years after I lived there last (there have been lots of changes)
  • a bit about renting an apartment in Paris for a vacation (it was great)
  • a rundown of activities and sites seen (with photos)
  • a guide to Paris highlights from Phoebe’s perspective (Pigeons!)
  • a few thoughts on our lost stroller, and the sucky replacement one we bought

I’m really going to miss being in Paris. It was wonderful to be able to walk everywhere. To barely leave the building to find all sort of activities. And food. I would have liked more time in Germany, too. The trip went far too quickly. And soon my life will catch up with me again, and I’ll realize that I haven’t done any work in the last couple of weeks, that there were bills I forgot to pay before leaving, that I missed the registration deadline for school, that the house is a mess and that there are another dozen or so commitments and projects that are waiting for me to get back to them. But for now, I’ll just get some sleep, and remain cheerfully ignorant of all those things.

resistance is futile

For some reason today, an old slogan for Lay’s potato chips popped into my head: “no one can eat just one.” And for some other reason, I thought it could so easily be paraphrased to have a somewhat different meaning:

No one is permitted to eat only one.

I imagine a totalitarian society, where potato chip-eating quotas are strictly enforced. And why just potato chips? Why not have a nation-state that dictates other product use, and daily life in general? Advertising slogans abound that need only the gentlest nudge to conjure up such a society:

  • Do you have your required dairy products?
    “Got milk?”
  • Orange Juice is now mandatory at meals other than breakfast.
    “It’s not just for breakfast anymore.”
  • It is strictly forbidden that anything should surmount these batteries
    “You can’t top the copper top”, Duracell Batteries
  • Enjoyment is compulsory
    “We’re gonna make you smile”, SeaWorld
    “Don’t get mad! Get Glad!” Glad
  • Viewing is obligatory.
    “Must See TV”, NBC
  • All youths over the age of 10 are required to enroll
    “Join the Pepsi generation”
  • Establish your approved identity by drinking an officially sanctioned beverage
    “Be a Pepper. Drink Dr Pepper”, Dr Pepper
  • Only certifiably genuine and approved products may be consumed
    “Can’t beat the real thing”, Coca-Cola
  • We will tell you what you need to have.
    “You Gotta Have It!”, Lisa Frank
  • We will tell you what you need to know.
    “You’ve got questions, we’ve got answers.” RadioShack
  • Rest assured: all your decisions are being made for you.
    “Your true choice.” AT&T
    “You’re in good hands.”, Allstate Insurance
  • Continued productivity is imperative.
    “Keep Going”, Energizer Batteries
  • There is no need to leave your community.
    “Your World. Delivered.” AT&T
  • Cooperation is rewarded.
    “Membership has its privileges”, American Express
  • Unmutual individuals will be broken.
    “You deserve a break today”, McDonald’s
  • If you are not with us, you are against us.
    “Stick together”, T-Mobile

And some of the slogans don’t really need any help to be Big Brotherly:

  • “You need us for everything you do”, The Weather Channel (We control everything.)
  • “Don’t leave home without it”, American Express (You must have your card with you at all times.)
  • “Wherever you go, our network follows”, Hutch in India (You can’t run.)
  • “VISA ; It’s everywhere you want to be”, Visa (You can’t hide.)
  • “We’ll leave the light on for you.” Motel 6 (The better to see what you are doing.)
  • “You Watch, We Listen”, British Satellite Broadcasting (Your neighbors are watching you, and we are listening.)penny_farthing.jpg
  • “The Listening Bank”, Midland Bank (I told you, we’re listening.)
  • “It’s the Internet that logs onto you” SBC, ca.Yahoo! DSL (We have access to your thoughts at all times.)
  • “The more you hear, the better we sound”, AT&T long distance (Our propaganda is very effective.)

    • black is the new black

    While other colors may go in and out of fashion, black clothing never goes out of style. This Themed Thing Thursday is decked out in black from top to bottom.

    This list is wearing black

  • Macy’s employees may know a thing or two about fashion, but not all of them appreciate the new company policy that store employees must dress in black.
  • “Dressed in Black,” Depeche Mode

    Shes dressed in black again
    And I’m falling down again
    Down to the floor again
    I’m begging for more again
    But oh what can you do
    When shes dressed in black

  • LBD: Little Black Dress: A black article of clothing so well-known, it has it’s own acronym. The concept of the little black dress is said to date back to the 1920s, with a design by Coco Chanel.
  • Men in Black (1997): a movie about a secret agency that deals with extra-terrestrials on Earth, and in which agents (who are sometimes actually women) wear black suits.
  • The Man in Black: A song by Johnny Cash, and also one of his nicknames due to his trademark wearing of black:

    I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
    Livin’ in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
    I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
    But is there because he’s a victim of the times.

  • The Man in Black from The Princess Bride. Princess Buttercup and her kidnappers (Vizzini and Fezzik) are pursued by a mysterious man dressed all in blask, including a black mask.
  • Black is frequently the color of choice for those who wish to wear a mask to disguise themselves: eg. Black Mask with Jet Li, Zorro‘s mask, or the Lone Ranger‘s.
  • black hat. In old Westerns, the bad guys could often be identified by the black hats they wore. (Whereas the good guys tended to wear white hats.) The term black hat has been co-opted by those in computing, as a reflection of “bad guy” attitudes about compromising the security of computer systems.
  • In many cultures, especially European cultures, wearing black is associated with mourning. It is considered the color to wear for funerals. (Have you ever noticed that in movies and TV shows, funeral attendees almost exclusively wear black? But at real funerals I’ve been to, people wear a wider range of colors, though still somber ones.) Traditional widow‘s garb is black, and women in mourning were expected to wear black for an entire year after the death of a husband or relative in British (and American) upper-crust societies. (In Gone With the Wind, it was considered scandalous when recently widowed Scarlett wants to wear colorful clothing.)

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  • Depictions of witches often show the witch dressed in black, especially the signature black pointy hat made famous by the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz, and vampires are also frequently depicted dressed in black, especially in a black cape. The Grim Reaper, a personification of death, wears a black cloak.
  • Goth subculture: black is the most commonly worn color by those who consider themselves goth. Black is often worn in other subcultures, such as punk.
  • Ninjas are often depicted wearing all black, likely because of it’s shadowy quality. I’m not sure the same could be said for Catholic priests and nuns, whose formal garb is also often black.
  • black belts: both the item of black cloth worn around the waist that signifies an expert rank in martial arts, or the person who sports that belt.
  • Tuxedos are traditionally made of black cloth, and are often accompanied by a black bow tie, after which the term black tie, an event where formal dress is expected, is named.

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