Category: silliness

The Call of the Pants

pants.pngBecause the world needs more things with pants, and because I promised to write more posts with pants, I bring you pants. Following the success of the great moments of pants cinema, and in the tradition of the legendary Star Wars pants list, I bring to you a list of literary pants classics.

Great Works of Classic Pants Literature.

  • All the King’s Pants, Robert Penn Warren
    A story of politics, pants, and politicians’ pants.
  • A Farewell to Pants, Ernest Hemingway
    Even pants don’t last forever.
  • The Return of the Pants, Thomas Hardy
    Laundry lost, laundry found.
  • The Pants and the Fury, William Faulkner
    A tale told by an idiot. Signifying pants.
  • A Tale of Two Pants, Charles Dickens
    They were worn, they were washed. It’s a short tale.
  • Around the World in Eighty Pants, Jules Verne
    About a man who did not know how to travel light.
  • Peter Pants, J. M. Barrie
    A whimsical, magical pants tale
  • The Canterbury Pants, Geoffrey Chaucer
    Tales of pilgrimages and pants.
  • The Pants of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
    Justice. Vengence. Pants.
  • Little Pants, Louisa May Alcott
    The heartwarming saga of sisters and pants.
  • The Wonderful Wizard of Pants, L. Frank Baum
    A young girl and her companions embark on a quest for pants.
  • The Strange Pants of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, by Robert Louis Stevenson
    Two men share a pair of pants. It’s not pretty.
  • The Man in the Iron Pants, Alexandre Dumas
    That just can’t be comfortable.
  • Journey to the Center of the Pants, Jules Verne
    Discover the mysteries that lie deep within the pants.
  • A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Pants, by Mark Twain
    This story may not be suitable for children under age 13.

    • New Life Form Discovered in Eastern United States

    Biologists the world over are expressing cautious excitement over reports of the discovery of a new species of animal life that was discovered last Friday.

    Reports were received of a number of small furry creatures residing in the refrigerator of a Massachusetts family’s home. Animal control officers on the scene then reported the hitherto unidentified animals to the scientific community.

    The Chenopodiaceae Beta Fuzzae, or Fuzzae Beet as it has been nicknamed, appears to thrive in the dark, chilly ecosystem of the vegetable drawer, and requires only as much light as is offered by the little lightbulb that goes on when the refrigerator door is opened. It resembles a common beet root in appearance, but with a coat of downy fur, and is believed to be part vegetable and part mammal. It was observed roaming among the piles of arugula and turnip greens, and exhibited signs of rudimentary intelligence. “One of them looked right at me, and I was sure it was going to start speaking,” said Bob Loobsteele of Animal Control, who was first to arrive on the scene.

    A family of the Fuzzae Beets have been extracted from the rest of the colony their natural habitat, in order that their behavior may be studied under more controlled conditions.

    The implications of this discovery are far-reaching. “With so many other species being threatened by climate change, it is heartening to find that new life is evolving,” says Dr. Frank Murgentroober, head of the Springfield University Department of Paranormal Vegetable Phenomena. “We think it’s only a matter of time before more life forms are found lingering in the depths of neglected vegetable drawers, or even emerging from pizza boxes left under the bed in college dorm rooms.”

    Dr. Wilma P. Snodgrass of Large Urban University, however, is a dissenting voice among the excited scientific community. “We think this may well turn out to be a hoax, or the twisted delusions of someone who has far too many vegetables on their hands.”

    ———–

    This improbable report is brought to you hot off the presses of this week’s Monday Mission, which solicited posts in the style of a news article.

    Is the glass half empty, or half full?

    You are probably familiar with the age-old question, usually intended to determine whether you are the type to see things in a positive or negative light. The traditional answers are “half empty” (you are are a pessimist) or “half full” (you are an optimist). However, I find these traditional interpretations a bit too simplistic for the complexity of personality types and moods that individuals exhibit. Or that I exhibit on a given day. So I offer to you…

    Alternative Answers to the Question
    “Is the Glass Half Empty or Half Full?”

    1. Probably.
    2. Who drank half my drink?
    3. The glass is half full. But what is all that crud floating around in there?
    4. The glass is half full of ice so they can rip you off when you buy a soda.
    5. I think it was half full, but I spilled it. On your couch.
    6. I’ll take mine straight from the bottle.
    7. That’s no glass, that’s a sippy cup.
    8. Are you trying to poison me?
    9. The glass is cracked.
    10. There is no glass.

    water_glass.jpg

    squirreling away

    squirrel_nutkin.jpgInspired by yesterday’s squirreliness, this week’s Themed Things Thursday is brought to you by squirrels.¹

    A Stash of Squirrely Things

  • The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin. A book by Beatrix Potter.

    This is a Tale about a tail–a tail that belonged to a little red
    squirrel, and his name was Nutkin.

  • Squirrel Nut Zippers a band. Takes its name from a candy.
  • For Squirrels. A band. Has a song entitled “Mighty K.C.”²
  • “Secret Squirrel,” a song by Marcy Playground

    Tune in next week and see
    Secret squirrel save you and me

  • The Flying Squirrel from The Tick (The animated series.) A superhero whose battlecry is “I like squirrels!”

    • rocky.jpg

  • Rocket J. Squirrel, aka Rocky, of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. The clever one of the “moose and squirrel” pair.
  • Bubbles, the Powerpuff Girl, can talk to squirrels [clip on YouTube]
  • “Squirrel Boy” (2006-??) A Cartoon Network cartoon about a boy and his pesky squirrel friend.
  • Azqueeral. In a 2002 Daily Show episode, a man who has invented a birdfeeding hat describes a harrowing attack by a squirrel. Or by an azqueeral, as the subtitles show. It sounded a bit like “shquiddle” to us.
  • “I kicked Thumper’s ass” A t-shirt worn by a tough squirrel in Gary Larson’s book There’s a Hair in My Dirt
  • Squirrels have also been featured in American Hovel Magazine, the magazine dedicated to lowering acceptable neatness standards in the American home. See our featured interview, and the front cover of the April 2007 edition, below.

    • —–
    ¹ With apologies to KC.

    ² KC, I kid you not. Here’s YouTube proof, even.)

    ³ This footnote doesn’t match up with anything, but I felt I should toss out there that this marks my first official NaBloPoMo post. 1 down, 29 to go!

    Phoebe Lenore, abstract expressionist

    white_on_red21.jpg

    Untitled
    Phoebe Lenore, 2007
    White fingerpaint on red construction paper

    The art world is being taken by storm by the latest works of Phoebe Lenore, a young artist who has left an indelible mark on the hearts of her public, as well as on the walls of her living room.

    The artist follows in the footsteps of the abstract expressionists, and her bold and spontaneous works have been compared to those of such venerable greats as Franz Kline and Robert Motherwell.

    When asked about her inspiration for her most recent work of art, the artist replied simply “moo.” It is left up to us to decide whether she was referring to the moon, or to the cows which live nearby her Massachusetts home. This ambiguity is characteristic of both the artist’s subject matter, and her conversational style. The viewer (or listener) is asked to interpret possible meanings, and is invited to respond based on intuition, emotion and past experience.

    While the artist is new to the medium of paint, she has long been experimenting in other media. Her earliest works included avant-garde three-dimensional works in sweet potato and pureed petits pois, large installations of toys and found objects, as well as rawly emotional performance art pieces. The works for which she is best known are undoubtedly those in a somewhat more traditional medium: the drawings in her series of Crayola on newsprint. This series expresses the gauntlet of human emotions, from the joy of seeing doggies, to the angst of approaching naptime. Her choice of color and line are often vivid and playful, reflecting an almost childlike naïveté. Other drawings reflect a starkness revealing the artist’s capacity for solitary introspection and her metaphysical musings.

    excitement.jpg     swoop_and_dots.jpg

    forest.jpg     green_stark.jpg

    Above: Selections of Phoebe Lenore’s famed series of crayon on newsprint drawings.
    Below: The artist has branched out, experimenting with the Crayola medium on a three-dimensional wood surface.

    crayon_on_wood.jpg     table.jpg
    ———————–

    This post is being displayed as part of this week’s Monday Mission, an exhibit of art critques of up-and-coming young artists.

    Who’s with me?

    Because I am certifiable, I have signed on to NaBloPoMo. Don’t worry, it’s not a cult. (At least I don’t think so.¹) November is National Blog Posting Month. It involves commitment to posting every day for the whole month. That’s 30 days in a row.

    The NaBloPoMo website lets members² make groups. To hang out. Like in cliques, I guess. Lots of people have started regional-based groups, like New England Bloggers³, Tennessee Bloggers, or Blogs from Europe.

    Many others have created groups reflecting special interests. And perhaps some are especially interesting. Such as bikers, or brides or pregnant bloggers. Or pregant biker bride bloggers. Or knitters. Or (judging by their limited enrollment⁴ so far) even more specialized special interests, including Bichon bloggers and Kevin Spacey Bloggers.

    I found myself with an urge to join a bunch of groups. Just because. And what’s more, I had the urge to start my own group: The Ministry of Silly Blogs:

    Our chief functions are threefold: a) to identify silliness on the web, b) to create silliness on the web, c) to promote silliness on the web and 4) to encourage the promotion, creation and identification of silliness on the web.

    And while filling out the form to start the group, I noticed a box to fill in an existing website for the group. “Damn,” I thought. “The Ministry of Silly Blogs deserves a website.”

    So I made one. With some Official Ministry Bling, even.

    And 3 other people have already signed on to be part of the Minsitry of Silly Blogs. 3 people who are total strangers even. (And quite possibly, 3 people who are totally strange.)

    So, anyone else out there care to join me? Either at the Ministry, or just with NaBloPoMo in general?

    I also have in mind a number of other groups, which I may or may not decide to officially form:

    • Pants Bloggers: For bloggers who write about pants, like to say the word pants, and/or who wear pants while blogging
    • Homo Sapiens Bloggers: For bipedal primate bloggers who consider their brains more highly developed than your average baboon
    • Genji Bloggers: for bloggers who like to write about having read the 11th century novel The Tale of Genji, by Murasaki Shikibu, often known as the first novel ever written.
    • Linguistics Grad Student Bloggers with 20-month-olds Named Phoebe and Who Like to Write Lists and Make Stuff Up: For bloggers who are named alejna

    ———————————
    ¹ I followed Magpie over there. But how well do I really know her?

    ² Why is that I get uncomfortable with that word?…members…Sounds a bit like card-carrying members. Or perhaps cult followers…

    ³ Well, “Bloggahs,” which I joined in spite of my non-native tendency towards rhoticity.

    ⁴ N=1.

    turning into a pumpkin

    pumpkinshoes.jpgI mentioned briefly that I’m going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up soon. Well, that “soon” has now become “this Sunday.” Which is, technically, very soon. As is the standing tradition, in U.S. weddings at least, I will be wearing a dress chosen by the bride. As it will be an October wedding in New England, the bride has chosen fall colors. My dress is in burnt orange, a very pretty color, though a somewhat unusual one in my wardrobe. And is also often the case for such occasions, I am to have shoes that match my dress. This means that I have needed to get some dyed. I picked up my shoes yesterday afternoon. And I have to admit that I was quite startled to see them. You see, they are orange. I now have shiny orange shoes. I don’t think you can ever be fully prepared to see orange shoes.

    Anyhow, this weekend I will be donning the orange, and perhaps as such, feeling a bit like a pumpkin. Hopefully an elegant pumpkin, mind you, but a pumpkin nonetheless. But seeing as it’s October, pumpkins are all the orange rage right now. And in honor of their orange pumpkiness, I bring you a pumpkin-based Themed Things Thursday.
    pumpkin_pie.jpg

  • pumpkin
    A vegetable. Or a fruit. Depending on your choice of taxonomy. Generally eaten cooked. Used in lots of baked goods, like pumpkin pie.
  • Pumpkin (2002)
    A movie starring Christina Ricci.
  • Pumpkin
    A song by Tricky off Maxinquaye (YouTube video)

    • pumpkin_carriage.jpg

  • Cinderella’s carriage
    In many versions of this fairy tale, Cinderella’s fairy godmother turns a pumpkin into a carriage to carry Cinderella to the ball. Cinderella must leave the ball before her ride turns back into a pumpkin. Leading to the expression turn into a pumpkin, meaning depart, go to bed or otherwise turn in for the night.

    •             the_headless_horseman_pursuing_ichabod_crane.jpg

  • The Headless Horseman
    A ghostly character from Washington Irving’s story “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow“, who carries around a pumpkin head.

    • 200px-jackpumpkinheadpng.png

  • Jack Pumpkinhead
    A character from the Oz books by L. Frank Baum. Later had his own book, Jack Pumpkinhead of Oz, though it wasn’t by Baum.
  • Pumpkinhead (1989)
    A horror movie involving a demon dug up from a pumpkin patch.
  • The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead
    a song by XTC. (YouTube video) Later covered by Crash Test Dummies.
  • Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
    A nursery rhyme. Also a song you can play on the piano using only the black keys.¹

    Peter Peter pumpkin eater
    Had a wife and couldn’t keep her
    He put her in a pumpkin shell
    And there he kept her very well

    • peter_peter_pumpkin_eater_1_-_ww_denslow_-_project_gutenberg_etext_18546.jpg       great_pumpkin.jpg      nightmare_before_christmas_poster.jpg

  • The Great Pumpkin
    A mythical holiday character that never appears in the animated Peanuts special It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966)
  • Jack, the Pumpkin King
    A character from Tim Burton’s animated movie The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993).

    • pumpkin_porch.jpg

  • jack-o-lanterns
    It’s a Halloween tradition to carve a face into a pumpkin. These are then typically set outside, with a candle inside. It’s also a Halloween tradition for mischievous kids to steal other people’s pumpkins, and smash them.
  • Smashing Pumpkins.
    A band. Performs songs such as “Tonight, tonight” and “Tarantula” (YouTube videos)
  • punkin
    An endearment or nickname based on the word pumpkin, which is sometimes pronounced without the word-medial [p]. Gives us [pʰʌŋkɪn] (Where the nasal has then assimilated to the place of articulation of the following consonant, a velar. Not that you asked.)

    • phoebe_cat_pumpkin.jpg

    ¹ I admit that I’m recycling this particular item from my vegetable ThThTh list. But recycling is good, right? Or should I be composting, since it’s vegetables we’re talking about?

    cereal: it’s what’s for dinner

    Menu
    Alejna’s Busy Day Bistro

    Appetizers

    Corn on the Couch
    A paper bag filled with freshly popped kernels of corn. Skillfully microwaved, and usually not burned. Available with butter-like flavor or “natural” flavoring. Served on the sofa.

    Lowering the Bar
    A protein bar, grabbed out of cabinet. Eaten while driving to catch the train, or while otherwise multi-tasking. Hasty unwrapping leads to bits of chocolatey coating to be found stuck to clothing, providing a treat for later.

    Entrées

    Early Bird’s Special K
    A bowl of cereal, eaten at the kitchen table.

    Life is a Bowl of Cheerios
    A bowl of cereal, eaten while standing in the kitchen.

    Variety of Life
    A bowl of cereal, regular or cinnamon flavored, eaten while sitting on the kitchen floor.

    Multi-grain Pillows
    A bowl of cereal, eaten while slouched on the sofa cushions.

    Chef’s Gourmet Specials Tired

    Cheddar Broccoli Pot Pie
    Tender broccoli, carrots and potatoes in a rich, savory cheese sauce baked in a hearty whole wheat crust. Baked Fresh Daily.Purchased from grocery store, removed from freezer. Box opened, pie microwaved on high for 5 minutes.

    Harvest Medley
    Portobello mushrooms, sundried tomatoes and fresh asparagus in a garlic cream sauce a box of crackers served on a bed of house-made linguini, and garnished with micro arugula.

    Napoleon de Goober
    Alternating layers of sliced bread, ground peanut spread, and orchard fruit preserves. Cut in half and served with a fresh fruit garnish.

    Desserts

    October’s Bounty
    A bag of miniature chocolate bars, purchased in advance for Halloween, hidden carefully at the back of the cabinets behind the dried beans. Eaten 1 or 2 3 or 4 at a time throughout the day, bag replaced in hiding place. Repeated until bag is empty.

    Frozen Guilt
    Pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Half-cup serving size presented in bowl, and served at dining room table. Once this is finished, the rest of the pint is eaten directly out of the container while sitting on the couch.

    ——-

    This week’s Monday Mission placed orders for posts written in the form of a menu. Please note that I don’t always eat this way. But, well, there are days when the farm-fresh vegetables stay in the refrigerator.

    de-lightful, de-lovely, de-lurking

    The Great Mofo Delurk 2007 I hear, via Magpie, that tomorrow, Octber 3rd, is a grand holiday: The Great Mofo Delurk.

    I have to say, I like getting comments. And I like celebrating made-up holidays. (Remind me that I should start making up holidays. I could design a whole line of greeting cards. Maybe I should declare some day to be “Make Up Your Own Holiday Day.”) Anyhow, we were talking about comments, weren’t we. Well, I like them. So do other people. So some folks have decided that people need a little bit of an extra nudge to leave some comments, at least this one day a year.

    I plan to celebrate by leaving a few comments around on blogs where I tend to lurk. (Actually, first I plan to celebrate by getting up, engaging in some sorts of personal hygiene rituals, getting dressed, getting Phoebe dressed and off to daycare, doing some work, commuting, having a meeting, doing some more work, commuting again, and maybe having a festive holiday scone. Because I think every holiday needs a tradition of baked goods. And I don’t think scones are taken.) By the end of the day, I hope to work myself up to leaving at least a quick “hello” on a few blogs.

    And I’d love it if you’d join me in this celebration. You could start right here, by leaving me a scone. Or a comment, since they are less likely to get crumbs on my laptop.

    I know that it can be hard to come up with just the right comment to leave, so I thought I’d offer up a few possibilities for some quick-and-easy, down-and-dirty, alpha-and-numeric comments that are ready-to-wear. It’s easy to convey lots of meaning with just a few keystrokes. Just refer to the handy chart below.

       comment        translation
       yo  Great post!
       yoyo  You rock!
       yoyoyo  You rock. Like someone in a rocking chair. Knitting socks. That don’t match.
       oy  Your corniness pains me. Please stop.
       oyo  This is meaningless
       3752  I think you may have miscalculated
       555 That color isn’t the most flattering for you.
       12  I would like to sing you an aria.
       9  This post was one of the most poignantly written, beautifully crafted, impassioned things I have read in many long years. I was moved. I cried. I wept. I did an interpretive dance.
       pants  alejna, you are cracked
       squid  this was a disturbing, but strangely compelling post
       dude  all of the above